Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Breaking up, become a mime

Why you never tell your friends/family a relationship is over until you know for sure it’s really over, kaput, finnito, no more:

1.) Because you can’t find a good excuse for getting back with someone who treated you poorly. “BUT I LIKE HIM” isn’t going to cut it.
2.) Because once you spilled the beans on why your relationship stank, people are going to think you're loony tunes for keeping your nose under the skunk’s tail.
3.) Because only girls who are wimps give guys who are pimps second chances.
4.) Because you’ve already given your mom/sister/best friend a thousand reasons why they should HATE your boyfriend. Prince Charming couldn’t undo that damage!
5.) Because the sympathy pool dries up after the second, third, fourth, ... breakup with the same dude. It's like talking to a wall! Why bother?
6.) Because you don't want to become "THAT COUPLE" -- the one that everyone talks bad about. "Can you believe Linda and Bob?" "Yeah, I know, they are both nuts!" "I KNOW! They should both be committed to the psych ward!"

Am I being cold-hearted, or did I nail it?


Anonymous said...

I don't think bad relationships stay together because the couple involved is "loony" or "nuts".

I think certain people remain in bad relationships because these people consider the most significant measure of their life to be the partner they're with.

And if they're with nobody, then they are an utter failure.

The break-up will eventually stick... once they find a suitable replacement.

But until then, eh... this will HAVE to do.

There's really nothing "crazy" about it; it is rather sane.

Pathetic and sad... but sane.

Of course, every time I try to explain this to couples in bad relationships, they tell me I'm wrong. So maybe I'm wrong.

Sarah said...

I think that's a great observation! And when you find a way to break through to "your" couples, let me know!

... I am still going to say that getting back with the ex 100 times, after you talked a lot of **** about them seems a little crazy to me.

Chrissie said...

Well anon, I agree to a certain extent.

There is definitely a LARGE number of people who would rather be with ANYONE than alone.

But sometimes... I think people get back together because that thing that brought them into the relationship to begin with still has a little bit of life left in it.

Once that dims, they can finally get on with their lives and go on hating one another.

And then you know... convert to judaism or get a tattoo.

Sarah said...

I don't think it's "LIFE" left in a relationship, I think it's been TOO CHICKEN to be alone. So they hold on even though they know deep down that the person is no good for them, that it won't work out, that they are unhappy.

Chrissie said...

Speaking from my own experience... it wasn't the fear of being alone that sent me back to my ex time and time again, it was the fact that there was still s o m e t h i n g there.

In my time alone I've had MANY opportunities to throw in the single towel and suds up with someone mediocre... but in these instances I've always chosen alone-ness over quiver-lip everytime.

Because, I didn't want "a boyfriend."

I wanted "him-in-particular." (against my better judgement of course;)

Anonymous said...

I think there's a significant difference between exs who "get together" and exs who "get BACK together".

Chrissie, it sounds like "time and time again" happened because of availability, convenience, and the comfort of familiarity.

Whether or not the hook-up was a good idea is the answer to the question: Did you get what you wanted out of it?

Long relationships always leave a residue. There's always something left that survives the break-up, and often fires brightest just after the break-up is over, as you bear the emotional toll of witnessing the death of that thing you had for so long.

But that spark always fades... and always much quicker than it did the first time.

I'm speaking in absolutes, I know, but this is very very often the case.

vanessa said...

I have to agree with Chrissie on why we go back and give second chances.

I have no problem being alone. Considering I've only had 2 relationships proves that.

The reason I gave a second chance was because it was so early in the relationship and we had so much chemistry, so much.. "something" that I wanted to continue to explore it in a (this time) purely monogomous relationship.

Considering the fact that most second chances end up being regrets, I took a leap of faith. and that second chance ended up being the best thing I ever did..

As far as relationship decisions go.

Anonymous said...

Can you please give us the story of "quiver-lip?" At least a little bit....

Girl who agrees! said...

You know Sarah, I'm going to have to agree with you on this one.

Don't be prepared to divulge all of the bad points, unless you're ready to get out!

And if it has to be said, and it is enough where your friends and family members hate him, then chances are, you should hate him too!

Then they continue to go back and forth, and cry to you everytime this happens, trust me, I've been on both sides!

There's only so much sympathy you can get from someone, when you're really asking for this disaster!

Remember people, "people treat you how you allow them to treat you." If it's not working, and hasn't worked after the 5th time, chances are that it will never be again.

Only then should the friend be consoled again.

Sarah said...

I don't think there's anything wrong with A second chance (unless the guy was a complete idiot, then I don't understand why a girl would waste her time). Lots of couples break up because of minor things and then work them out.

But lots of other couples know the relationship is totally unhealthy, yet they stay in it. They say, "I'm not happy" or "He treats me horribly" or "I hate his guts" yet they don't say "It's over for good."

This is where tension in a friendship occurs. The friend wants to say "WAKE UP!" but if she does it causes issues... and it can be quite messy.

I think as a friend it's our duty to be honest at first, followed by forgiving, followed by nonjudgmental, followed by caring (as they go through the final breakup). If only it were that easy...