Monday, May 14, 2007

Meet Mr. Sasquatch

Forget the sexual revolution, forget a woman’s right to be “equal.”

Well, PLEASE DON’T forget these things REALLY, but keep this in mind…

None of these ideas play well in the dating world… and there’s plenty of chick lit to prove it.

It’s practically become the bible for single chicks the last few years, and Greg Behrendt's, “He’s Just Not That Into You,” says one thing loud and clear.

Forget everything that Gloria Steinem, Betty Friedan, Mary Daly and your really awesome mother told you.

Yes ladies, tie your corset VERY TIGHT and REPEAT AFTER ME.


Brehrendt's book tells single women to put down the phone, just smile and wink and he will come to you.

Yep, like I said, lace up that corset and sit pretty ladies, because apparently men are in control of your dating destiny.

(An excerpt from, He’s Just Not that Into You)

• An excuse is a polite rejection."

• Don't get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he'll do the asking.

• If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.

• Just because you like to lead doesn't mean he wants to dance. Some traditions are born of nature and last through time for a reason.

• "Hey, let's meet at so-and-so's party/any bar/friend's house" is not a date. Even if you live in New York.

• Men don't forget how much they like you. So put down the phone.

• You are good enough to be asked out.

My favorite piece of advice would be that last one… “Hey ladies… you’re good enough to be asked out, and you're even good enough for a nice romp in the hay, but don’t you DARE have opinions or take the lead!"

If you do, you’ll just have to get out the ol’ broom and dustpan to sweep away the remnants of the “relationship” you ruined. You know, that relationship you decided to go out and get yourself.”

Apparently if, “Man like woman, man take control.”

I guess it’s just too bad that some modern women don’t want to date Sasquatch.


Sarah said...

I did not read Greg Behrendt's, “He’s Just Not That Into You.” But I have had friends in situations where they needed to be told that exact fact!

I don't think it's a matter of women not having opinions. It's a matter of women desperately throwing themselves at men who don't want them.

Behrendt is saying TAKE A CLUE SISTER. Let your stalker-ish crush go!

Jared said...

Books this this are the McDonald's of self-help literature. They know their customer and how to give you the instant gratification you're craving, but not much else. Starts off with the premise that you suck at dating, which is pretty much a home run given that you're lonely and frustrated enough to be shopping in the 'relationships' section of Barnes and Noble. Then it gives you some idea of why you suck, and even a few obvious tips about how you can not suck so badly in the future (namely getting out of your currently going-nowhere anti-relationship that made you look for help to begin with), and finally sends you back out into the fray with some optimism and a new plan. Bang, you're the one millionth satisfied customer. Then you have a stomach ache a half hour later.

I haven't actually read this book of course, but whatever is contained in the other 300 pages probably exists because you can't sell an index card with a paragraph on it for $20 on Also, I think it's about time for my first Oreo McFlurry of the year.

Chrissie said...

Considering that neither of you have read this book, let me enlighten you!

It is fast-food reading, and it is geared toward an audience seeking instant gratification.

But as I pointed out, it DOES insist that women must be the passive ones in the relationship, that they should send sweet little clues and then back off waiting for their knight in shining armor to rescue them.

I think there's a BIG difference between being an assertive woman and being a "stalker."

There's a HUGE difference in stating what you want and being "demanding."

But what's so wrong with wanting... and ASKING for the BEST???

This book has it's pros... it helps those desperate women to see the "truth" in dating.

But that truth isn't just that he's "not that into you."

It's that he's "just not" honest about his reasons WHY.

Jared said...

But regardless of how the authors (mis)represent themselves, this type of book is not really trying to find an objective model for gender roles in dating, it's just giving a quick fix for the reader's immediate problems.

You're right, being assertive could put you in the category of a confident women who has men responding well to her assertiveness, or a stalker who pursues men blindly and ignores all the negative signs. Which one do you think is more likely to feel the need to buy this book?

Chrissie said...

Of course the crazies will buy the book...

But in reality, assertive women are ALMOST ALWAYS thought of as crazy, (even by Sarah, a woman herself!)

The bottom line is that this book's ideas are archaic.

And sitting around batting your eyelashes makes you look like a bigger fool than being honest about what you want.

Again, if men were honest about what they DIDNT want then there would be no book at all.

Assertive woman meets man, man says "I don't feel strongly enough about you for a relationship."Assertive woman KNOWS HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO HER AND MOVES ON.

Save the excuses and the "lines" for the real stalkers out there.

But perhaps the BEST LINE OF THE BOOK IS THIS, "When it comes to men, deal with us as we are, not how you'd like us to be."

Jared said...

Well, we generally don't like to burn bridges. Unless they're really bad bridges.

Chrissie said...

So you're saying that men use the lines and excuses so that they have back-up ladies in the event that someone "SUPER" doesn't come along???


Although I have to wonder how often men choose to use these "life-lines" that were so obviously not relationship material.

Sarah said...

I'm not saying all assertive women are stalkers! In fact, I hit on my last two boyfriends. But they were into me, and that's the difference between me and women who read this book.

Men aren't as complicated as you think. They show their indifference to girls by:
1) Not returning phone calls.
2) Not having enough time.
3) Pursuing other women.
4) Being rude.
5) Being evasive.
6) Moving into the closet w/ their computers.

And in these scenarios, women need to let them go and say, "He's Just not into me!"

Sarah said...

And thank you Jared, FOR teaching women another Lesson -- that if men aren't into you, you are at least good for a possible booty call.

YET another reason to ditch the one-way pursuit of a dead-end relationship.

Chrissie said...

Sure, guys show their indifference in these seemingly OBVIOUS ways... but not all "signs" are so easily discernible.

Guys also do these things:

1. Call you frequently then suddently stop.
2. Actually SAY that they are into you, in spite of their contrary behavior, (do you listen to what they're TELLING YOU or read the body language?!!)! *Maybe they even move into the closet with their computers, all the while insisting that they love you, they just need peace and quiet*
3. Make seemingly legitimate excuses for being somewhat unavailable (work, school, family obligations).

It boils down to the MIXED signals... not the obvious ones.

Desperate women ponder the obvious, while assertive women demand a real answer from the mixed.

Sarah said...

Desperate women ponder the obvious, while assertive women demand a real answer from the mixed... WHILE MEN REMAIN EVASIVE AS TO AVOID THE BURNING OF BRIDGES...

Confident Woman said...

Mixed signals.

I used to think men sent mixed signals.

Sorry guys, but you're not that complicated or deep.
It's women who send the mixed signals. After all, most of the time, we don't know what we want!
Confidence and assertiveness is about knowing what YOU want, pursuing what YOU want, and knowing that YOU deserve what you want! If a man cannot appriciate a woman with confidence, well than he's too insecure in himself and isn't worth the time.

After all, a truly confident woman wouldn't care. She knows who she is and is proud of it, and no one could tell her otherwise.
She wants what she wants, and she knows that she's deservant of it. If a man stops calling, she's not wondering why, chances are, she didn't want him calling in the first place.

If a man would disrespect you in that way, he's just not worth it.
Life and relationships aren't about games or figuring everything out. Males are males, and they're not complicated in the least.

Just believe in yourself and know what you want, and don't settle for anything less.

Playing these games or figuring out what we should do to win a mans true affection and attention is worthless and pointless.

Believe in yourself and be true to yourself. If you're assertive and truly confident, TRUST ME, a real man will respect that.
An insecure and abusive boy will be the only one who will be threatened by it.

But like I said, a truly confident woman wouldn't care in the first place! They would remain true to who they are, and they know how truly beautiful they are (inside and out).

Chrissie said...


That was more or less what I had started out trying to prove... but things get muddled quickly;)

Mr. Sasquatch would be intimidated by Ms. Confident, but she wouldn't give him the time of day anyway.

Enough said:)

Sarah said...

Tyra Banks everybody...

Just Kidding!

Actually, I agreed with the post. I'm just wondering, out of the female population, how many are truly that secure?

Chrissie said...


But I think being HALF-WAY there could get us a few decent dates.