Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Passing notes in study hall


I wish things were as simple and clear as they were back in 5th grade.

Back when getting tagged on the playground meant he liked you.
Back when getting a $1 carnation on Valentine’s Day meant he loved you.

You know… back when asking someone to be “exclusive” included a crumpled up piece of loose leaf and the order to “Circle one, YES or NO.”

But adult dating isn’t so clear and concise.

The words “commitment and exclusivity” bring fear rather than giggles.

A chick with a note demanding an answer is considered desperate instead of a go-getter.

And hell, a single carnation is an insult rather than a symbol of true love.

But sometimes I just wish that we still had 45 minutes at the end of everyday… to pretend we didn’t have any work to do and to pass a few notes.

Ahh yes... the days when boundaries and answers were circled with your favorite BIC pen... black, blue, or sometimes red.

But never gray... apparently that's the color for adulthood.

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you got a couple things running through your head. Your man asking you for the sole ownership of your time?

That was always a tough call for me. Openning up in general has always been tough.

I have yet to meet anyone that has all the keys to the many doors that involve a successful partnership and all the emotion that comes with it. There is something to be said for slow and sweet. My greatest "partnerships" have always started slow and been very fun and childish. Passing notes of a sort and sharing in goofy exchanges. Allowing the other person to know things you wouldn't otherwise share with anyone else lets them know that they are special. You can usually tell what it all means after the first kiss. Like when you were little and you kissed him/her and they looked back at you instead of away, tells alot.

If after all the courting the two don't work out you can still stand in the middle of the hall and scream he'she has cooties.

Chrissie said...

that's when adulthood and technology make things more fun... when the courtship ends:)

because then you can post myspace bulletins about what tool they have been and everyone will know... that's more efficient than screaming in the hallway;)

Anonymous said...

Are you starting or ending currently?

Chrissie said...

i'm just talking about study hall...

Anonymous said...

Nice study hall was the time to catch up on some well deserved sleep and peep out the prospects.

Chrissie said...

elementary school was the best for crushes...

i asked out a guy in 6th grade on a dare because he and i both had the same starter jacket (were those things ever actually cool???).

but he actually said YES! and we dated blissfully for 11 days;)

now he's married to my friend.

Michelle said...

I agree wholeheartedly with this post. The gray area is such a pain. So many people love to say they don't "play games", yet if you fail to follow "the rules" exactly, you can get branded as desperate, uninterested, stalkerish,a jerk, a player, etc.

I think technology may have helped people get more dates, but it hasn't made dating any easier.

Anonymous said...

Like Champion shoes, Starter jackets were never cool.

I had a couple times when i asked a girl out cause she was looking at me a certain way and then i found out she dropped a contact.

I never had a crush in elementary school. my parents were moving way to much to actually even build a friendship. We settled once and a started to like this cute little blonde haired girl around the block and we would eat sandwiches in the porch and walk in the woods climbing trees.... then her parents moved and that pretty much shut it down till high school. I found other things to fall in love with Like Basketball and rope swings into rivers and ball games with my grand father.

Relationships kind of make you miss out on other things in life and unless that right person likes things you like, that can add up quick.

Anonymous said...

The problem with "commitment" or "exclusivity" in the adult dating scene is that you're too close to the marriage age.

The person you're "committed" to might end up being the person you marry for no other reason than, hey, you're committed.

So, as adults, we take our time and carefully consider every aspect of the relationship before we dare a commitment (well, some of us do).

But that doesn't mean our intentions can't be "clear and concise."

The "Cirle one: YES or NO" note is just as effective in the adult world as it was in elementary school. If you want to know, just ask.

If your partner is really into you, he/she has probably already thought about it, and they might say "yes."

If not, they'll probably laugh it off and avoid the question and secretly consider you lonely and desperate.

But hey, at least now you can stop wasting your time.

Chrissie said...

i hadn't really thought of it in terms of seeking a spouse... but that makes a lot of sense.

it's not JUST hand holding on the playground anymore.

Anonymous said...

The slide is a little steeper now when your climbing the ladder. It's better to know that the person behind you in case you fall is the one you trust and that appreciates you than just another guy in line to take a ride.

Chrissie said...

some might say...

"as long as you've got SOMEONE down there to break your fall you'll be okay."

you know... those co-dependant crazies who can't even take a fun ride on the slide by themselves;)

Anonymous said...

Yeah, well I guess that whole "marriage" thought doesn't creep into your conscious until you're rounding the age of 30...

or until all your friends are married...

Chrissie said...

i'm completely afraid of the word "marriage" and all it entails.

probably because my friends ARE married (or almost) and i see how "over" everything is for them;)

i think guys assume a girl is looking for a ring... but some of us just want to enjoy their company for awhile.

Anonymous said...

every time i pass by the reception hall near my house and there is a wedding going on, i always comment, "oh look... somebody died. look at all the people in mourning..."

yes, i view marriage as a "death", an "end", an absolute "over"-ness that depresses me and actually gives me nightmares.


how funny that i can hear the wedding music from my living room almost every saturday afternoon...

Anonymous said...

Wow coming from a guy that worked in a funeral home and catered at a wedding hall that is two completely different emotions. I think someone has never found anyone that actually made them feel relaxed and as if you actually matter to them. True some people marry for the wrong reasons and live in a nightmare but some people also marry cause thay actually feel connected to the person they wake up next to every day and will care about them no matter how much money they make or how many times they use the last of the tooth paste.

I'll tell you this regardless of how scared people are of commiting and afraid of being hurt, there is nothing worse than burying someone alone.

Anonymous said...

i was being somewhat sarcastic with the whole "death" thing. i can understand how two people can marry and be exquisitely happy together for the rest of their lives...

you know, that whole 4% of the less-than-50% that don't get divorced.

(and even though the concept of marriage sometimes gives me nightmares, i absolutely LOVE weddings. i think i'm gonna start crashing some... i mean, they're only about 200 feet from my front door... so why not?)

vanessa said...

I dont understand how you see a marriage as someones life being over.

If you marry the right person, someone you have fun with, and truely enjoy their company no matter what you do, whats over?

The only thing I can see being "over" is meaningless relationships with people that aren't worth our time to begin with, and bar hopping all night long, but everyone has to grow up and move on sometime right?

Cause who could actually feel happy and "living" if all they continue to do is pick up strangers in bars for a week of lust.

The whole things never been appealing to me.

Anonymous said...

I think there should be a bar that looks like a classroom and where you are not allowed to talk but only communicate by passing notes. paper airplanes and other items would be allowed as well.

Also one person would be designated to sniff jello through a straw up his/her nose. Maybe everyone would be assigned different profiles. Yeah....

Anonymous said...

vanessa, don't get me wrong: it's not always the case that marriage spells the "end". like i said before, i understand how a relationship between two people can actually work well for a long time, perhaps even for the rest of their lives...

but i've been in relationships that didn't go sour until over 3 years in...

if i had been at the "marrying age", i might have married that person before it went bad, and still be married now... trapped by a ring... and maybe some kids... resolved to thinking, "it's just easier to stay together; we can 'make it work'," and having nightmares every night.

i don't EVER want to have to think to myself, "we can 'make it work'."

because THAT is exactly what represents the "end" that i'm talking about.

if you really can't understand that perspective on marriage, then you just lack perspective. but i think you know what i'm talking about;)

Briana said...

I've heard so many people tell me....
"Don't worry, when you find that person....you will know, you will just know"
All my life I thought THAT was crazy, I thought I've felt it before, I thought I've known.....
Well I realized that I always KNEW who wasn't right...
Until now.
So what if its been a couple months, if that, to me it feels like it could be years already.

AND I AM HAPPY

I know.......

Sarah said...

Briana, What ARE you SAYING!!! Careful lady!

Most people have advised me to go SLOW in a relationship. It takes a LONG time for two people to really get to know each other -- inside and outside. Happy is one thing. Knowing is another!

Anonymous said...

yeah, Briana, take it slow...

i've been happy. i've been ecstatic. i've counted my lucky stars. i've asked myself, "what does a girl like her see in a guy like me?" i've thought i had it all, and that it was something i would never let go...

and then i let it go.

things change. people change. feelings change.

it's good to be happy...

but take it s l o w.

Briana said...

I'm not saying anything......I'm not moving....I'm not getting married...there is no children....

I'm just happy......

I am taking it slow......believe me.
Things are just falling into place....for some people that CAN happen!

Sarah said...

He goes by Zito's boy. It's time he cut the umbilical cord.

Chrissie said...

some info to live by:

INFATUATION:
1. A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction.
2. An object of extravagant, short-lived passion.

LOVE:
1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

It all feels the same at first, but TIME WILL TELL.

AND everyone says, "NO, it's DIFFERENT THIS TIME."