Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Top 10 Reasons Not to Get Married


1. Think of all the debts you could pay off with that 10 GRAND you dropped on ONE DAY.

2. You will be too drunk to remember it, so all that time and planning goes to waste.

3. Everyone is secretly cursing your marriage and finding fault with your relationship, so why do you want to buy them an expensive meal and provide them with an open bar?

4. Your $2,000 wedding dress could feed an entire village of starving children, OR YOU COULD WEAR IT FOR ONE DAY.

5. That rock on your finger is evidence of bloodshed in the diamond mines.

6. Instead of a down payment on a home, you have a down payment on an article of clothing. Good luck raising your kids in between the white layers of taffeta.

7. Does the word “forever” mean anything to you? F O R E V E R! You're officially trapped.

8. Months, years, of planning are over in 8 hours or less.

9. No matter how much “product’ the salon puts in your hair, it will still fall by reception's end and you will look like Medusa rather than the put-together Mrs. Blank you wish to be.

10. You’ve been found guilty of creating a gift registry. It’s the social equivalent of being outed as a greedy, needy, brat. You’ve actually sent your friends and family on a “scavenger hunt” for your most wanted possessions… shouldn’t “the one,” be enough for you???

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

isn't this really the top 10 ways to view the world with the most pessimistic, depressive, and morbidly cynical perspective possible?

just kidding. it was witty. and funny. and a little true. actually, a lot true. in fact, everything you say is pretty much dead-on.

well, except the drunk thing... not everybody, in fact nobody i know, has gotten plastered on their wedding day...

unlike how i got plastered on their wedding day.

Chrissie said...

The girl who did my hair for my sister's wedding quitely disclosed a piece of information to me...

"If it wasn't for the pictures, I wouldn't have remembered a thing."

That was apparently the consequence of celebratory shots.

So I know of at least ONE person who "missed" their wedding due to having one too many;)

Jared said...

You are a guy.

Chrissie said...

LOL... wait, IM a guy????!!!

Susie-Q said...

Completely agree...and I am engaged!
We didn't get an engagement ring because we have been together for over 6 years and marriage was a mutual decision, we are building a house, I'm not a big jewelry person and its really a stupid waste of money. But everyone keeps asking where is your engagement ring? Can't they just think outside of the box? And that goes for everything else...what do you mean you're not wearing white? But the bridesmaid dresses have to match! You have to have a shower! Why do I need a shower? That is just greedy, seriously (maybe if we were 20 and didn't have anything - I'm 29). If I didn't like to party so much, I would just elope!

sprinter said...

My friend had a beautiful $25,000 wedding and the wedding lasted 6 months! Ouch! Love the post!

Sarah said...

This post was 10 reason NOT TO HAVE A BIG PRINCESS WEDDING.

But not why someone shouldn't marry the person of their dreams.


Ah yes, defeat :-)

Anonymous said...

The ONLY reason to get married is to have children. Other than that there is no advantage for a man to marry. I was married for 17 years , she was a good woman, but she died in 1993 of cancer. I have achieved far more by being single the past 15 years than I ever did by being married. Besides I really love being single, with a real good girlfreind of almost 9 years now. Why marry and ruin it?

Anonymous said...

it does not always work well. i was 'engaged' for 12 years and finally married in year 13. we broke up in year 15. we got back together in year 17 .. it is now year 23!

davesurrealist said...

Ahhhhhh. The sweet smell of defeat. We all know it going in but we do it anyway. Afterall, it's about the journey and not the destination.

HappyMarried said...

I don't know if you need to be so cynical. Sure a lot of marriages don't work so well, but a lot of people go in with unrealistic expectations and get disillusioned. Going into my wedding, my planner (http://www.gatheringguide.com/ec/event_planners.html) was an older woman who had been married for 30something years and told me the best advice: It's not important that you get along well. Everything's easy when times are good. What's important is that you "don't get along" well.

buddinsh said...

YES YES YES!!! Just had my wedding last week.. did the whole traditional thing. NEVER AGAIN. NEVER AGAIN. It was a painful experience and so not worth the stress, tears, time, money...it's almost embarrassing. I'm happy I'm married but doing a WEDDING is a bad idea. It really really is. LOL! Sorry!

Chrissie Williams said...

buddinsh -

i hear ya! i succumbed myself and sometimes i really wonder why :P

(the wedding - not the marriage)