Monday, July 16, 2007

Can you hear the crickets chirping on your dates?


Everyone is familiar with the HONEYMOON stage of any relationship... But not so nice is the "Nothing to Say" phase. This is the point in the relationship when:

The familiarity of the "one time, in band camp" stories makes you interrupt with "Yeah, yeah, the flute!"

It's the blankness that stirs in your mind, as you sit across the dinner table from your honey, trying to think of something to say, anything... "So, how bout those Yankees?"

It's the reason why on the phone, you get distracted by the TV set, only to be startled by, "Hello? Are you listening to me? Oh yeah, then tell me, what did I just SAY?!"

Or when you say "talk to me" and your partner responds with "what do you want to talk about" ... which never ends good, right?

One can only hope that the "nothing to say" phase doesn't become the more intense "I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO YOU" phase...

What do you think? Is that silence that occurs in long-term relationships a sign that it isn't meant to be? Or is a sign that you are both so comfortable with each other, you can zip it and still be content? After all, you can always bring a book on your dates...

7 comments:

Sarah said...

Soooooo. The weather is pretty nice, eh? :0



NO ONE has experienced that really awkward silence, in the HISTORY of relationships?

Anonymous said...

people get so stuck in the soft and easy coziness of the "relationship" that they stop making new memories worth talking about.

you see, if you didn't squander friday night with a "quiet night at home" eating pizza and watching movies, then maybe you'd have something more to talk about.

i always have some funny or dramatic or ridiculous story to tell on saturday morning. and sunday morning. and sometimes monday. and tuesday. and... friday, sometimes... and occasionally wednesday.

but rarely on thursday. who goes out on a wednesday night??? that's a "date" night, cuz nothing else is going on. and dates are hardly ever worth talking about. so thursdays are story-less.

;)

Sarah said...

Great advice anon -- create things to talk about by making memories, doing fun things, not staying in...

It hints at something else about relationships. That often, couples spend TOO much time together. Relationships should progress slowly.

Reminds of this guy I dated two years ago, who, during our first convo said, "So Tell Me EVERYTHING about you."

Anonymous said...

I think the honenymoon stage is when you are really getting to know the person and there is nothing you can do or say to get the person to stop listening... Then we all get confortable a little to comfortable and I wouldn't say it's an awkward silence it's more of a comfortable silence... There is nothing wrong with it HOWEVER when you are with some so long don't or won't we all have a silent stage... I personally think everyone has them...
It's if when they come around if the person can deal with them... However, maybe that's what happens...

Sarah said...

I guess I prefer some silence over a partner that never shuts up.

Chrissie said...

I don't think the silence that comes with a relationship is because it's not "meant to be."

I think it's more of a illustration that you need to invest time in other things, other hobbies, friends, people that don't involve your significant other.

As someone who lived and worked with her ex boyfriend, it became evident rather quickly that driving to work together, and wearing the same serving tie and apron wasn't exactly thrill inducing and it didn't make for very interesting conversation.

Basically, there is plenty to talk about when you've got a life. So just make sure that your boyfriend or girlfriend isn't EVERYTHING to you or else your doomed to the crickets for the long run.

Sarah said...

But honestly, my definition of "having a life" has done a 180 in the past five years. From bars to books, from shopping to sewing, from play to working triple time, from drunk to healthy(er, at least).... That's just how I do it.

In fact, I've come to dread that term "having a life" because I just don't know who gets to determine if I do or don't...