Friday, July 20, 2007

How I made it to 25 in One Piece

Or should I say...

A one piece,
bathing suit.

I'd say around the age of 10, bathing suits became a bit of an "issue."
All the skinny, athletic girls jumped around the beach in tiny two-piece suits that showed off their growing bodies.

For some reason...
my shoulders broadened beyond acceptable
and my bottom grew, vertically.

Oh! And you can't forget the soft and doughy, too much estrogen too soon stomach.

I was an aquatic adolescent mess.

Some years later, (thank GOD)! the "tankini" came into style.

It was perfect for that fleshy stomach and I could pretend that I was, in fact, wearing a two-piece like all the skinny girls.

But then came the stigma of the not-quite-thin-enough-chick who WANTED to wear a bikini, but couldn't.

It should have been called the THINK-ini.

For 15 years...
15 summers I not only sweat the heat...
but I sweat the stress of a bathing suit.

AND then, (thank GOD)!
I turned 25.

And I realized...
Forget it.
I'm skinny...

for now.

And I finally went out and bought a suit that flatters MY figure instead of the figure I wish I had.
And it's a ONE-PIECE.

I guess THIS is growing up.

(Maybe THIS is why all the "moms" on the beach wear things that look more like the stuff you see on chubby ballerinas than on swimmers).

But at least I can jump around on the beach and actually enjoy myself rather than WORRY about what part of me is falling out that shouldn't be.

Ya know... like my vertical bottom.
Or my gravity-un-friendly top.
Or my football-player shoulders.

Hell, maybe I'm just OLD.


tnmiller said...

At least you don't have the problem of aging males, hair growing EVERYWHERE (minus the top of the head, where it will start to fall out), and there's no Tank-ini to hide it!

Chrissie said...

the sad (and sick) thing is that as a woman gets older, she starts growing more hair too.

and that tank-ini can't hide the ol' lady with the beard either.

oh and happy birthday sarah;)

Sarah said...

If I show up to the pool this weekend wearing a sarong on my head, you'all will know why! And no, it's not because I converted!

Chrissie said...


You recently invested in the one-piece too didn't you Sarah?

You think we're just getting old and modest, or we're just getting smarter???

Sarah said...

I recently traded in my dental floss for a tankini, and I've learned to love it.

I've become modest because I spend more time with family, and less time attracting men.

It's great not to wonder if a wave is going to turn you into the midday flasher.

But I do feel like I'm swimming in a sweater.

I guess it's a big change for the OLD--ER me.

Next I'll be trading in my jeans for MC HAMMER pants.

Anonymous said...

Hell I wear a wooden barrel and suspenders to the beach. I got what you ladies would refer to as a double dose of dunlaps. It's not pretty I guess and more than once some beach gowers have tried to push me back into the water thinking I was an aquatic mammal. You can also hide a sixer in it which is cool.

Chrissie said...

So you're hiding a sixer eh?

I saw a guy playing badminton in a speedo a little while back... DONT DO THAT.

Anonymous said...

what is wrong with badminton? I play crocket in a thong on Thursdays.

Anonymous said...

You know they are coming out with a female line of wooden barrels that have a bit of curve to them. Kind of sexy....if your a lumber jack or a brew master.

Sarah said...

A friend just e-mailed me this link -- this gives one pieces a whole new meaning