to have his cake and eat it too.
A best buddy when it suits him.
A bed buddy when that works.
And an understanding, open-minded cupcake willing to roll around in rainbow colored sprinkles regardless of the outcome simply because that's all she can get.
My advice is for the CAKE itself:
GET YOURSELF OUT OF THE OVEN BEFORE YOU’RE SERIOUSLY BURNED!!!
Because after the Cake Eater is finished with you...
The only thing left will be crumbs.
(And with an appetite like his, that won't be enough).