Tuesday, September 25, 2007

It’s all an EXCUSE.

There aren’t any REAL reasons that there isn’t a RING on your finger...
EXCEPT ONE.

He doesn’t want to marry you.

“Maybe someday” means: “MAYBE SOMEDAY IF I DON’T MEET ANYONE BETTER.”

And I’m not talking about the guy you’ve known for 2 months… or even 2 years.

I’m talking about the eternal bachelor.
The Peter Pan… if you will.

Because if you’re without the “ring” then he’s still envisioning a future…
Without you.

Let's face it, if we have what we want…
we hold on to it.

“When you’re 30”
“When you graduate”
“When you’re done with school.”
“When you get tested.”

None of these future dates promise that he'll still be there.

So what I want to know is...
when are YOU are going to wise up…
And realize that the only thing his EXCUSES prove is that he should be your EX boyfriend…

Rather than your future EX HUSBAND
when _ _ _ _ hits Peter’s Pan.

32 comments:

ben said...

Ah... the pithy and laconic use of metaphor, the clever play on words, the subtle wit...

Reading this blog is very much a delight.

Sarah said...

Chrissie you sound like my mom and it's scaring me!

Chrissie said...

Thanks Ben:)

(Part of me wonders if you're being facetious... with your possible "BEEN SAID" play on words with the name...but I've been told too many times that I expect the worst, so instead I'll assume your name is Ben and you do in fact enjoy our blog;)

And Sarah, you're mom sounds like a smart lady;)

Jared said...

Personally I think "excuses" like "wait until you finish school" are exactly how people should approach marriage.

Mario said...

Jared is absolutely right. Getting married is less about the culmination of a Disney "princess" fantasy and more about two people climbing into a crucible and placing it into that fire we call life.

And to think that women have somehow earned the reputation of being the practical ones.

Chrissie said...

I wasn't talking about finishing high school guys...

The EXCUSES mentioned aren't as effective as EX-cuses when they stand alone.

It's when they pile one on top of the other that they become an issue...

And thinking that way is practical.

It really boils down to wanting the same things when you're in a relationship... around the same time.

If she wants kids by 28 and he wants his wife to be a doctor then they might run into some problems...

Mario said...

"It really boils down to wanting the same things when you're in a relationship... around the same time."

Okay, now I get it. That hits the nail on the head.

But, if you take that into consideration, then it isn't just that he's making excuses and doesn't want to marry her, on close inspection she doesn't want to marry him either. Right?

When two people are feeling the warm flush of love, it's hard for either one to take a cold look at reality.

Chrissie said...

hmm... good point.

if she's not getting what she wants either then she shouldn't want to marry him anyway.

and I couldn't "hit the nail on the head" too early on...

because who wants to read a blog they can't disagree with?

;)

Anonymous said...

you shouldn't assume my name is ben, but you also shouldn't expect the worst, because although it has "been" said, "it" is not your post -- "it" is my comment;)

Anonymous said...

I think that whenever you try to force feed something to someone they are going to be reluctant.

The prince charming scenario is devoid of reality. It is expectation induced fantasy, possibly, and nothing to base marriage on.

Confused girl.... said...

Wait, I'm confused.
Isn't the point of 'dating' to eventually get married??
Because isn't it just a waste of time if that's not the ULTIMATE goal?
I think age should be the determining factor of the proposal.
Age + Status of career + Relationship length (assuming that they all agree)= marriage proposal and then MARRIAGE!
I mean, it's not rocket science, it's life.
And most women envision and want the fantasy proposal/wedding! So deal with it guys!! :P

Jared said...

In my opinion, the point of dating is not to lead to marriage, but to act as a series of tests for marriage.

Tests like, Can you remain faithful to each other? Do you have similar life goals? Can you deal with each other's personal habits after they stop being cute? Can you balance the relationship with two sets of demanding careers?

In most of relationships, one or more of these tests are failed early on. Sometimes it takes much longer. But until you've both reached a certain point of maturity, spent plenty of time living together, and have completed all the major life changes that lead up to marriage, you haven't faced all of the tests.

And like it or not, you WILL face all of them. Personally, I'd rather get the (potentially bad) news before I get married.

Sarah said...

I'm going through your checklist anon.


Age -- check
Status of career -- check
Relationship length -- check
= girlfriend.



Hmmm, it's not quite adding up to marriage.


I would add a few things to your list like: maturity, love, mutual respect, common goals and a man who can be talked into it :-)

L. said...

Congratulations Chrissie, you've succeeded in a rant as bitter, infantile and trite as any of the other jabs aimed at the male psyche over the last fifty or so years. Did it perhaps ever occur to you that not everyone has the means (or desire) to wed? Have you (or your "generation") taken five minutes away from myspace.com (or the rest of your mindless self-indulgence for that matter) to look at the broader spectrum of life that doesn't include your over-privileged (post)Marist existence? It seems to me that promises of the Grand American dream have left you with an overwhelming sense of entitlement which has, in turn, left more than a few men reeling at the concept of placing an object of significant promise on YOUR finger (ie-THE RING). We're (those of us left without engagement) not all Peter Pan, Chrissie. However, we are all VERY sick of your pedantic OVERLY celebrated status as one of the darlings of the Hudson Valley. Thanks for being so "quirky and cute"......Bravo. Bravo.....Now let's consider entering adulthood and taking some responsibility for our lives, social status and the insensible chum we spew onto the collective dinner table of humanity. Shall we?

Heather said...

Here, here.
I could not have said it better myself.
You twentysomething brats need a serious reality check.
Not everone can drop two months (or even one month) salary on a ring.
Ever heard of a little thing called financial responsibility? And no, I don't mean cashing the rent check daddy gave you. Translation--
grow up the F up.

Sarah said...

Chrissie -- you HAVE just pissed off every woman who has been listening to those excuses for years. This is misplaced anger. Please don't shut the F-up :-)

girl said...

OOOOOOO MAN!!!!!
In the Odd Couple defense here (as an avid reader)
Both of these girls seem pretty mature to me, and if you don't like what they speak about, or if their opinions seem to annoy you then WHY READ THE BLOG?
I don't understand all of these odd couple hate messages.
These people read the freaking blog just to insult it.
Stop reading it, and go find something else to feed your intellect.

Chrissie, I know you're not spoiled, and I know you've worked very hard to get where you're at now.
And Sarah, as far as the marriage equation, those were just he basics, I was trying to make my comment short. ;)

I'm sorry you guys get so insulted, when you're just writing a Poughkeepsie Journal blog.
GEEZ!

Dirty Audi said...

Funny I. Well maybe if you spent less time thinking and writing that post and more time job hunting, then you could afford that ring...

Heather, just because your knight in shining armor rode in on an 87 F-150, doesn't mean everyone else should settle. Its better to be rich and miserable than poor and miserable right?

Anonymous said...

characterizing this post as a "bitter, infantile, and trite rant" and concerning yourself with "having the means to wed" indicates that the use of metaphor is completely lost on you and the real-world insight offered by this post passed way over your head.

but excellent use of "pedantic". though the "dinner table of humanity" is a bit grandiose.


and i know chrissie personally -- safe to say better than you do -- because for as long as i've known her she hasn't been anywhere even near "privileged", much less over-privileged.

i'm not here to defend chrissie; she can do that on her own (though, of course, that would be indulging your own mindless and childish rant of a comment). but your comment actually offended me... maybe because of the unfair and misguided attack... or maybe because of the jarring stupidity.


oh, and i noticed a lot more people are employing the italics... chrissie... ;)

Heather said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Chrissie said...

Heather, if you read the left hand column of our blog, you'll see the following disclaimer:

*** Please keep comments appropriate. Any posts with foul language or derogatory tone will be removed***

Also, please post your defamatory statements only ONCE.

I don't have time to be deleting the same comments over and over again.

Dirty Audi said...

Yeah anon, you don't understand that Heather is one of those people who have done nothing with there lives, find themselves reaching 40 and use the "I know everything because I'm older than you" excuse when younger people are more established or successful than they are. I deal with this everyday at work and I'm sure Chrissie does too.

Thanks Heather for your 'insight' into what all of us "20-somethings" have to look forward to in our fourth coming years. I know your worldly experiences will help get me through the remainder of my 20's. Hope you hang in there and we'll all come sing you some Christmas carols at the old folks home this year.

Chrissie said...

However, with the hopes that "ANON" will want to respond, I'll be friendly enough to RE-POST your comment, without the obscenities:

Heather said...

Hey "anonymous" , congrats!

You've succeeding in convincing everyone that you're a cocky, self-righteous _ _ _ _ _ or (or b_ _ _ _ )

Don't tell me, you're a Journalist?

Here's some advice-- quit trying to gain a seat at the popular kids' table with idiots who THINK they are social commentary experts.
(sorry, another 10 years and MAYBE they'll have something substantial to talk abou-'till then get lost, please!)
Oh yeah, and I think I'm not alone when I tell you that it would probably be worth your while to work on curbing your excitement for the sound of your own little voice.

Here's a metaphor for you...
"You're a pain in my a**".

Sarah said...

HIDs strikes again. She should have her water tested!

Anonymous said...

HOLD ON JUST A MINUYE HERE!
To respond to I's comment...The only person ranting here is you from what I can tell. Chrissie's job here is to express her View on a certain situation. I am a Marist student who has worked full time while attending full time, and paying for rent and all of my OWN bills. Guess what, SO DID CHRISSIE.
I am not sure what makes you think that because a women attended College and may speak her mind freely is overprivilaged and thinks she has a sense of entitledment. When you work you butt off for four years on your own, I think perhaps one is entitled to voice her opinion on HER blog.
Also....who said that because a man wants to marry a woman means he has to buy a massive diamond ring anyway ?
I also do not appreciate saying we are ALL sick of her "overly celebrated status", because I am not.I think that a self made educated women is something TO celebrate. Not many women have their own radio show and blog a year after they gaduate college, (which they paid for and supported themselves the entire way through)
So...Next time you would like to insult someone via internet, you may want to make sure you have your facts straight

Anonymous said...

oops...I spelled minute wrong..

Sarah said...

Someone hate me! The 0 comments under my post today are making me depressed :-)

And well said anon, no one is advocating for a rock that would break 'ya arm. How's that for a simile, Heather? Oh wait...

Anonymous said...

thanks for your advice, heather. i probably should get away from these "idiot kids" sooner rather than later... because in 10 years if they talk "substantially" at all the way you do, then i won't want to be sitting at their table.

and no, i'm not a journalist. i'm just a lowly computer programmer. who woulda thunk it...?

but you flatter me. do you really think i've convinced EVERYone...?

and nice metaphor. can i use it, or do you have it trademarked across your forehead?


oh... the sound of my own sweet little voice...


sorry heather, but i cannot respond to your comment with anything other than sarcasm. it's just the way i counter insignificance. sorry. i'm sure you don't care.

Jts76 said...

Too bad you had to delete Heather's comment. She had some excellent points.

And anonymous (last one) if you don't think she cares, (it seems obvious enough that she doesn't)
why bother commenting at all?

You must have been one of those annoying kids when you were young, always having to have the last word.

Seriously, shut up already.

Thomas G Henry said...

hoooo wee! gettin hott in hurr!

Anonymous said...

ah... the nihilistic defeatist's "why bother" tell off. let me fast-forward to where this one always ends...


why bother to do ANYTHING in life???


to get the last word. obviously.


but since you are so "seriously" bothered, i'll shut up already.

starting... NOW.


(anyone here who wants it, feel free to get the "last word").

Chrissie said...

Oooh! I want it!!!

Thanks anon... for everything ;)