Thursday, September 6, 2007

Sharing is for toddlers, not for first dates

We all learn that "sharing is caring" in preschool. But when it comes to dating, the rules change a bit. Too much sharing is actually scary.

How much should you open up in a new relationship? My advice is to just be, well, normal.

Normal: "Did you grow up in a big family?"
Not Normal: "Would you like to be a part of my family?"
Normal: "What is your favorite holiday?"
Not Normal: "What's your favorite position?"
Normal: "Yankees or Mets?"
Not Normal: "When we have kids, I'm going to coach their Little League games."

Whether you want the answers to personal questions or want to share your own life's intimate details, you must first establish comfortability. You have a lifetime to get to know each other, so why try to fit that all in on the first date?

What have people shared or asked you on a first date that made you feel uncomfortable?


Chrissie said...

Okay, it was the second date, but QuiverLip said,

"So I told my mom about you,she said that maybe I've finally met the perfect girl."


Your MOM?


I hadn't even spoken to my mom about ANYTHING in the two dates we'd shared, and suddenly I might be perfect?

Don't seem overly eager, EVER.

Sarah said...

In an effort to capture my interest, a mattress salesman once told me a story about swimming w/ a female in the ocean. It was grotesque how he brought up her "time of the month" and the attraction of sharks. Actually, I may have puked a little in my mouth.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, giving out too much information is never a good idea; not until you KNOW the person at least.
And unfortunately, I really don't think you know someone until a little later down the road (maybe even up to a year).
You don't know peoples true colors, because a lot of the time they like to keep them carefully hidden.
So you don't want yourself exposed, before THEIR true self is exposed! You don't want to put yourself in such a vulnerable situation.
So yes, I agree, to protect yourself keep yourself hidden until you're sure that you're comfortable in the current situation (relationship) and have figured out that this person isn't a complete PSYCHO!
(and telling a mother about a current 'perfect' girl is a little desperate and scary. I've had that happen to me before too Chrissie, so just be careful!)

Sarah said...

I don't think you have to keep yourself 100 percent hidden. In that case, it may be obvious you are concealing something. And you can't build a relationship when one or two people aren't forthright.

But I also think that the first few months is not the time to bring out the stuff you only tell your best friend. Leave that for the time when you feel you can trust this person. When the person proves they are worthy of your darkest secrets.