Wednesday, October 10, 2007

"Anonymous said...
boring, boring, let's get some sex talk going...
you're gonna lose all your male readers"
(THIS ONE'S FOR YOU ANONYMOUS)

The Friend with Benefits VS The Booty Call


FRIEND WITH BENEFITS
-You respect her
-You care about her in a way
-You enjoy her company
-She's your friend
-She's valuable

BOOTY CALL
-You don't know her last name
-You hope she doesn't care about you
-You enjoy her body
-She's an object
-She's disposable

My vote for "Most Promising Casual Partner"???

BOOTY CALL WINS!!!
WHY YOU ASK?
WHY WOULD THE MAN-HATING FEMINIST CHOOSE THE BOOTY CALL???!!!

Because although it's obvious who's been objectified...
the Friend with Benefits situation lends itself to more interpretation.

And we all know that more interpretation means more misunderstanding in the long run.



Which do you think works best for those who find themselves in-beTWEEN relationships?
Or shall we all remain celibate until we find the one?

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

awe man a friend w/ benefits situation just bit me in the ass... cause as you said the emotional ties...

Booty Call is my choice (an the man can be the object or disposable tool as well)

Chrissie said...

YES HE CAN!

(I almost edited my post with the "he/she" to clarify but I don't care to be so PC all the time;)

FWB looks too much like "dating" to not end up unhealthy in the long run.

Because if you're going to the movies/out to dinner/staying in watching tv/talking on the phone AND being intimate, why AREN'T you dating??!!!

vanessa said...

In my opinion they are both lousy choices. Why may you ask? Here's my 2 cents.

FWB: You dont deem each other worthy of being a couple, but you're good enough to sleep with? WRONG. One or both will feel used and abused when the other suddenly stops calling because they found someone BETTER. (i.e. someone they want a relationship with). OR one of the two will eventually, almost always, develop those bf/gf feelings and want to be exclusive. AND it almost always results in a ruined/altered friendship where fits of jealousy spring up..

BC: It just screams I don't respect myself and my legs are open to whoever has my cell number... and a nice car.

BUT... thats just my opinion.

Chrissie said...

Vanessa,

I more or less agree with your idea on FWB... except I don't think that it's about whether a person is "worthy." I think it's more complicated than that...

However! Your comment...

"BC: It just screams I don't respect myself and my legs are open to whoever has my cell number... and a nice car."

Is full of assumptions....

1. That a person who desires sex and is without a relationship has no self respect.
2. That a person who desires sex and is without a relationship is having sex with everyone in his/her contacts list.
3. That a person who desires sex and is without a relationship has a lot of friends, who they sleep with... who also have nice cars.

I think my favorite blogger put it best when She Said this:

"At any rate, I understand that there's great value in the sex/love connection. But I also know the value of sex without love. Or hate. Or embarrassment. Or envy. Or guilt. Sex without anything but warm, naked flesh and twisted sheets. I know it's not something to build a lifetime of love on, but for me, it can be a lot more palatable than mornings spent sobbing in the shower over lopsided love affairs and good things gone bad.

vanessa said...

Chrissie.. I guess its hard for me to comprehend the "booty call" when I myself have never had sex without love.

The other reason for my comment on the booty call is because most of the people I know, especially women, allow themselves to be the BC, because they hope that once they are, their male friend will desire them as more, but that doesnt usually happen.

Chrissie said...

Ooooh yes... lesson #1 in the BC bible, DO NOT EXPECT MORE!!!

:p

not that i wrote the thing...

Chrissie said...

We blogged about something similar before… and it looks like Vanessa had something to say back then too:P

vanessa said...

hahaha. I'm funny sometimes. I love that comment.

I think I have a big opinion on women who say they dont mind being a booty call because I think its a bunch of BS.

Cause usually when you dig beneath the surface of the "sexually librated independent woman" its because she thinks men wont give her the time of day if she doesn't put out on the first date.

For a lot of men that may be true, (especially if you meet at a bar) but they aren't worth her time to begin with. After all men dont go to bars to try and pick up "nice girls". If you cant be respected or respect yourself in the morning you shouldn't try on that costume.

vanessa said...

I just realized that I never really answered your question...

No, just because you're a tweener doesn't mean you stay celibate until you find the one, because I'm also a believer in the fact that if you dont mesh well between the sheets then that person isn't "the one" and you certainly dont want to wait and find out on your honeymoon.

I do believe that having sex without the "girlfriend" and "boyfriend" tags sewn in is ok. Certain things need to be in place for it to exist happily.

1. Complete honesty upfront as far as intentions and expectations.

2. Mutual respect for both parties.

3. The agreement that if someone is interested in another party, they will be upfront and honest before sleeping with multiple parties, so that the other person doesn't have to find out on their own weeks down the road.

4. Using proper protection. (This should be above #1.)

5. The agreement not to attempt to defame ones character should the relationship cease to exist. We can all act like civilized adults cant we?

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