Wednesday, October 24, 2007

A game of telephone

I think the rules of dating were once introduced to the game of telephone, and over time, rules that once made complete sense are now just myths people continue to live by.

1. “Wait 3 days to call her.”
WHY ITS WRONG: If you meet someone great on Friday night, and wait until Monday or Tuesday to call them THEY MAY HAVE FORGOTTEN HOW MUCH THEY ENJOYED TALKING TO YOU. Unless you made a completely STELLAR impression, this person may barely remember those jokes you shared or why they gave you their number in first place.
ITS ORIGIN: I think this rule was “Don’t be overly eager.” In other words, don’t come on TOO STRONG TOO SOON, don’t call her before she’s left the restaurant, don’t call her at 8 a.m. the next morning (or worse 4 a.m.). But showing her that you would like to chat again (GASP!) before MONDAY is OKAY.

2. “Don’t show him you’re interested, men like a chase.”
WHY IT’S WRONG: If you don’t show a nice guy that you’re interested, HE MAY NOT THINK YOU’RE INTERESTED. The super cocky guy who is smooth might let you play this game for a while, but a nice guy is going to take the hint that you’re not into him and run.
ITS ORIGIN: The idea that, “we all want what we can’t have,” is key in all aspects of our lives. But in dating it’s more about, “we all want what we can’t always have, right now.” The idea is that you shouldn’t be available at his every beck and call, not that you can’t be attainable at all.

3. “Wait 3 DATES before you ‘go the next step.’”
WHY IT’S WRONG: 3 dates is completely arbitrary, it doesn’t take into account ANYTHING THAT YOU’VE ACTUALLY DONE OR DISCUSSED. It shows that you “play by the rules,” even when those rules don’t apply to your idea of romance. Going the next step with someone should be about your comfort level, not the magic number “3.”
ITS ORIGIN: The idea that you shouldn’t give up too much too soon, but that could mean 13 dates or 3 years.









So do you agree with my assessment or not?
Comment and tell me if you've played by the rules and won, or thrown them out the window and STILL found "the one."

21 comments:

vanessa said...

Again, I find myself agreeing with Chrissie. I find the "rules of dating" to be arbitrary. I think a group of people got together and made these things up so that they wouldn't seem desperate to the person they were trying to court.

I say do whatever "feels" right. Just because you feel one way with someone, doesn't mean its going to be the same for every other date.

And if you are one of those people that comes on too strong and leaves 8 messages before the other person gets home-- well, the sooner they know you're a crazy stalker the better.

Eventually the crazy stalker will meet someone who likes that kind of attention, or meet someone that will be straight up and tell them what their problem is, instead o changing their number to avoid him/her.

Cause after all, some people aren't necessarily crazy, they're just plain clueless as to what other peoples boundaries are.

Sometiems it takes a frying pan to the dome to help them realize it.

vanessa said...

Oh, and to answer the question..

I threw those damn rules out the window baby, and Sean and I have been together for 4 years.

My only rule is to be honest, yet tasteful, and mindful of peoples feelings. Even though I may be blunt in stating my views here, when it comes to intereacting with people, especially people I care about, I try to do it as non-condescendingly as possible.

If you can just be "you" without fear of judgement, you will one day find someone that loves you, for you, and not for who you pretend to be in the public eye.

Chrissie said...

although i won't advocate "a frying pan to the dome" ;) under any circumstances...

i like the point you made about "the crazy stalker."

it boils down to being true to who you are...

if you're the type to call a lot and want to spend every free second with someone, that's fine as long as you find someone who feels the same way.

but if you play by these rules in the beginning and then later it turns out who you really are... you're just going to disappoint someone.

be crazy.
be aloof.
be busy.
be available.

if that's who you ARE someone will appreciate your honesty.

one can hope...

vanessa. said...

Exactamundo.

Jared said...

I like the 3 days before calling rule because no matter what happens monday you get an ego boost for the rest of the weekend.

Chrissie said...

Ya know Jared, you have a good point there...

But just think of the EGO BOOST you'd get Monday if you met a chick on Friday and scored a date for Saturday night;)

(did i really just use "chick" and "score" in a comment... who am i???

Jared said...

a wing woman.

Anonymous said...

By the way...it's Beckon Call...your not going to be at his beckon call....not beck and call, and your a college grad!!!!

Anonymous said...

it's okay to be busy.

and most people can't deal with the boy/girlfriend that calls every night.

but remember there is a fine line between being busy, playing "the game", and making a person feel like they're just convenient.

being a convenience can be okay...
if all that was needed was an ego boost.



(and "beck and call" is correct. "beckon call" is wrong, it doesn't make sense grammatically... just fyi).

Chrissie said...

Thanks Anon... I know can you believe it! Magna Cum Laude too!

Oddly enough... I know what the verb "beckon" means, I guess I never put the two together.

I guess sometimes... when you contribute to a blog that has nearly 300 entries, you might occasionally get things wrong;)

Chrissie said...

But a quick GOOGLE SEARCH PROVES YOU WRONG!

God, it feels good.

Chrissie said...

***also*** pointing out your misuse of "your" when it should be "you're" would be immature of me.

vanessa said...

Chrissie, I agree with your last comment.

Also, since you pointed out anon's grammatical flaw, I feel I should point out your typo. I think you meant to say "I think" instead of "it think" right?

:)

Chrissie said...

typos and grammatical errors are different.

TYPO= "i'm busy and can't be bothered to proofread this for possible errors due to typing SO QUICKLY!"

GRAMMATICAL ERROR: "i grew up in a barn."

see the difference vanessa???

we need not point out the typos as they are just proof of a full work load;)

Chrissie said...

ahhhh yes... the question of convenience when it comes to courtship.

i think it's when we take the time out of our busy schedules, and make people priorities, that we prove to them they matter...

and maybe if we're not willing to do that with someone we've met then we shouldn't waste our time... or theirs.


*as creators of this blog, sarah and i also have the nice little feature to delete comments and fix those typos;)*

Anonymous said...

Vanessa,
I believe you meant to say, of changing their number, instead of saying o changing their number... Grammatical error or Typo??????????

People who live in illiterate houses shouldn't throw stones!

Since when do we read this blog to point out the writers' typos?

Chrissie said...

thanks anon:)

(and for the record, that's not vanessa's only typo/grammatical error... but like i said before... i'm busy;)

vanessa said...

Hey anon.. I believe I was defending you!

But hey I know I'm not perfect. After all I didn't get to go to REAL college.

Sarah said...

Sorry anon. If it were up to Chrissie and I, F bombs would be fair game. But we are a product of a family newspaper, so I had to take your post down. But allow me to repost the PG version, if I may... because we value the T&E you put in!

-------------------------------------
ANON said...

I [flippin] hate when people correct other peoples grammar... it totally takes away from the whole subject... like when some wise [apple] student corrects a teacher an everyone laughs like their smarter than the teacher... an the teacher stands there like, what the [fruit] "yeah it's supposed to be an I not an E" but thats not at all whats [fruit'n] important here! Sorry but yeah my grammar sucks too... I'm more a Math & Science guy which follows real rules and principals not the insanity of founding English writers...

Sorry again... but yeah the rules of dating also suck... I find that they work well if your trying to get [some action] by a person you don't care for because they therefore are meaningless at least in the circumstance you are playing in and they are playing by the same rules... fine get [satisfaction] have great [chicky chicky]. nothing wrong there...

However, if you want to meet someone of interest then no rules... cause by being yourself you might meet someone (who as themself) likes you for what you are and also carries themself el natural es good es good...

whatever the grammar covo is [happy, err... I think he meant the other meaning]

Anonymous said...

correcting other people's grammar is only satisfying when you are re-correcting someone who incorrectly "corrected" someone else. and it is best done dryly and as matter-of-factly as possible.

also, i agree with the previous comment, that playing the game is easy when you don't care, but it's much more difficult when something more is at stake. i was going to write exactly that, but i had already commented with the "convenience" angle, which is pretty much the same thing... and i didn't want to comment again just to re-iterate my point in different words... but i guess i'm doing that right now... so yeah... whatever... why am i awake right now?

Jared said...

If you really don't want to seem overly interested, 3 days is too soon to call.

Wait 3 years instead.

And call her collect.

And if she asks how you got the number, tell her you read it off of a bathroom wall at a bus station.