Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Could God be that cruel?



Speaking of basketball analogies... Let's talk about scoring.

We here at the LOVEMAKING SCORECARD BUREAU have been keeping track, and men are ahead 1 trillion to 1.

Right ladies? How many times has the man gone for the hoop and gotten a 3-pointer (on the climax scale), while the woman is still in the locker room putting on her uniform.

Not getting it? I'm talking about the Big O. The Orrrrggggaaasssmmmm. And perhaps, the reason why I lose my job today (but hopefully not). This is for MEDICAL PURPOSES!

Either-Who, now is when I let someone ELSE do the talking.... Someone who must have lots of Os (and I'm judging this by her leopard print dress she's sporting on her Web site)!!!

Enter BOOK "You On Top" by Kate White. It explains WHY women CANNOT get in the O GAME!

White, who is the big kahuna over there at Cosmo Mag, says women don't take responsibility for their own MOVES. They say things to their girlfriends, like he made me have an O. But wait, did he or did you, or maybe (insert gasp noise) it was both???

She writes: "Men, on the other hand, always take charge of their own pleasure... they're always making sure the job is getting done." (May I add, at times, despite our clear annoyance!)

Her tip -- You gotta be willing to coach yourself to win the game! And don't be afraid to demand a longer warm-up!

If you think it's not fair that it's so easy for men, I agree. Listen to this: Dr. Elizabeth Lloyd believes its harder for a woman to achieve that heightened state because it's not necessary for the survival of the species.

And there you have it. God is a man. A cruel, cruel man. But alas, ladies, it's not totally true. We can demand an O for exchange of an ovary!

What do you think?

5 comments:

Chrissie said...

maybe men take charge of their own pleasure...
and maybe women need to take more responsibility for theirs...

but i think if everyone worked together it would all work out quite nicely...

but i also find it interesting that the author of this book happens to be responsible for much of what's in cosmopolitan magazine.

and if you read the headlines on most of its issues, they are mostly about "pleasing your man!" not yourself.

Sarah said...

Regardless of the feline wannabe's credentials... she makes a point.

I think women are so preoccupied with how they look (naked or in heels) and their performance (is he enjoying this?), that they lose sight of the prize, while men are zero'd in from the blow of the whistle.

If I'm not being captain obvious, what about Dr. Lloyd's statement, the O is easier for the man because it's his JOB to populate the earth with mini-mes?

Chrissie said...

i don't exactly agree with that either...

although it is necessary for men to reach the O in order to "populate," i've also heard that women are more likely to get pregnant if the DO reach the O as well.

apparently it causes certain things to contract (i'm trying not to get too graphic here)...

ANYWAY.

i think that sounds a lot like an excuse for men to be selfish.

"well it's because i'm a man... and this is what we do."

the minute we stop tolerating excuses like THAT then maybe we won't be so preoccupied with how he's "doing" and actually concern ourselves with ourselves.

Sarah said...

First we'll have to erase the past (ALL) centuries of teaching women NOT to think about ourselves in THAT way...

:-)

Mario said...

I think Sarah hits the nail on the head when she talks about women being preoccupied. I remember hearing some very perceptive comments on the topic by a Web personality from the previous century. (Try googling "'Live Girl' AOL." It's almost impossible to find anything on her, but I remember the previous century, and trust me, she was there.)

Lynn Snowden, aka "Live Girl," said that when a man has a woman climb into bed with him, he isn't thinking about her cellulite -- he's thinking, "Wow, how fortunate I am to have this woman climb into bed with me."

Trust me, I've seen women who look okay out in the wild; but there's something about my pillow cases that makes anybody look better.

I would say most men feel the same way.

Now, apart from any issues concerning a man being -- how shall I say this and keep within the constraints of your blog -- "a little too enthusiastic," women have at least three things working against their full enjoyment.

One, some are too shy about taking initiative. They want a man to know everything without being told. That's not entirely unfair -- I can understand if you're wired that way. And, honestly, most men don't want their women talking any more than they already do. But here is one of those rare instances where a man might actually get the nuances of non-verbal communication. So try a little "body language."

Second, some women's minds just wander. Maybe they need Ritalin, or maybe a glass of wine. Maybe they just need some kind of non-sexual activity to end their work/worry day. But ladies, please, clear your heads and stay focused on the matters at hand.

Finally, there's number three. Some women are a little shy about making an effort to -- again, how shall I say it -- map their own territory. This is nothing new. You have to know your way around yourself if you're going to enjoy yourself.

To borrow from Seinfeld, you have to be "master of your domain."

Truthfully, it bums a man out if he thinks you didn't enjoy yourself. Even if a woman is responsible for her own "O" -- as you put it -- no man wants to believe this, fully. I mean, we're famous for our egos, right? Humor us.

Please don't think I'm saying that women have it easy when it comes to dealing with men. I'm sure we drive you crazy. But you have to admit, sometimes it's difficult for a man to make a woman happy.

How about giving a fella a leg up?