Monday, November 12, 2007

The lazy breakup

There are two methods of communication for breaking up: speaking via telephone and face to face. Everything else says

1) laziness, 2) coward, 3) bad dating karma. Says Baggage Reclaimer (a UK blog about dating)


I say, I'm guilty of the lazy breakup. Before you send computer viruses my way, hear me out... I think there is such thing as excusable breakup absenteeism.

Like when

— Instead of butterflies and love sighs, you feel queasy and can't control your gag reflex.
— He said he loved the T-shirt you had specially made with the words "I'm NOT interested, BOB!" stamped on the front.
— Your first, and only date, was more painful than having your wisdom teeth removed by the homeless man with a screwdriver.
— One of the things HE bragged about was his violent criminal past and his gun collection.
— Breaking up by e-mail was "nice" compared to what he did to you. In fact, he's lucky your friend talked you out of your 105-page Plan of Revenge.

Ok, so maybe none of these things applied to my e-mail breakup. Maybe he was just a plain, nice guy, who entered my world when I wasn't ready for him, approximately during the time when I was licking my wounds from live-in boyfriend J. who turned into Ron Jeremy.

Maybe I'm more low of a being than those crispy things that stick to garbage can sides.

But I'd like to blame this lapse of dating etiquette up to heartache. So, am I excused? or should I download Norton Antivirus and go dance around some sage to undo any voodoo spells.

What do you think about break-ups by e-mail

6 comments:

Jared said...

You're questioning whether to feel guilty about this years after the fact...meanwhile if you had just sucked it up and went through with the 2 minute conversation you could feel good about being respectful to the other person and never worry about it again.

Sarah said...

I'm hoping to stir dialect, is all. I'm not sure guilt is the correct word. I feel guilty about enhaling cancerous puffs even tho I "quit." I feel guilty hurrying mom off the phone when a good show is on TV.
I don't feel guilty about sending a nice note to someone I went on one flat date with.

But maybe I should...

Chrissie said...

no way! you don't need to feel guilty about that, ONE LOUSY DATE?!

maybe i'm a REAL jerk, but i don't think one date even requires the "break up email."

if we didn't share anything more than a meal together, isn't my silence enough of an answer?!

and maybe it's because we're writers sarah, but i think taking your time to sort through your thoughts and put them onto paper can have a better impact that absently running your mouth when you feel like puking...

Jared said...

I got the wrong impression from the first story. "Break-up email" implies there is something to break up. If there's no relationship to speak of, then no break-up etiquitte is required.

Sarah said...

Well, it was more like: an initial group outing, where we met. one-two phone calls. one official date. one brief running into.


still, the date was awful, and I'm really a big fan of body language.

so, if she flinches when you go in for the kiss, check your e-mail when you get home

Chrissie said...

KISSING + FLINCHING = No email checking necessary.

IF she wants to kiss you.
SHE WILL.
IF she wants to date you.
SHE WILL.

If you're continually calling someone who never calls you, STOP CALLING.

There's nothing more uncomfortable than "breaking up" with someone who wasn't anything to you.

"So this isn't really working for me. Mostly because I can't even say this without the appropriate eye-rolling and air quotes."