Friday, December 21, 2007

Ho, Ho, HOLY COW!


Are you SURRRRRE you don't want to upgrade? said the slithering Verizon Wireless salesman.
Nope, No Thank You, No.
But you won't be taking advantage of the coolest features on your new cell phone.
No. I'm sure. I don't want to pay $79.99 a month. No.
But you can't use VCast.
What the hell is that?
You don't know what VCast is?
No. And unless it can give me abs of steel and walk my dog, I'm not paying 30 bucks more a month for it!

Who did this salesman think he was talking to? A teenager equipped with dad's credit card?

I paid $35.99 per month for the past two years for a phone that couldn't receive pic messages. And (let me check), yup, there's a pulse, I'm still alive.

It couldn't play music. Ya know what? I didn't care. I still have a TAPE DECK in my CAR!!!

I couldn't check my e-mail. Ya know what? I know how to spot a good thing.

So no. I didn't want to upgrade nutt'n.

Unless, of course, it was free.

I left the store with my new phone (that was free), totally OK with the fact that I wasn't "taking full advantage of its fabulous features." Then I heard a noise.

Oh man don't let that be my car engine, I thought.

I heard it again and I saw my new device light up.

1 new pic message it read.
Receive yes or no.
Yes.
Downloading.

Then WOA... A naked Santa Claus appeared on my screen jingling his bells.

MY EYES! I screamed. MY EYES!

I turned my car around and revisited that salesman.

DOWNGRADE, I yelled. DOWNGRADE DANG IT! RIGHT NOW!

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