Thursday, December 6, 2007

The Paying MAN-tisk tisk

"I have trouble letting him pay all the time, after spending all of my free time touting how INDEPENDENT I am, it's hard to just keep mum when he drops another 100 bucks on a meal."

FRIEND: "Well, think of it this way. You probably bought a new top for that dinner date, spent twice as much time getting ready as he did, and if all goes well and you end up living happily ever after, you get to bear the children."

ME: "Hmm, I never thought about it that way."

And honestly, I hadn't.

I figured, I beg for equal rights (and although most professional women STILL aren't paid as much as their male counterparts for the SAME JOBS) and to me that means equal expenditures in the expensive world of dating to mating.

But in all honesty...
I had bought a new top.
I'd also invested in new hair products, make up, and perfume.
I spent an hour getting ready when I can usually find myself at work, hair still damp and wearing last night's mascara, in 15 minutes tops.

So I try to let it slide.
I try to be appreciative and thankful for those free meals.

But how do MEN feel about paying for our meals when in all other capacities we want nothing more than to be considered "equal?"

Is there something to be said for a woman who quotes Susan B. Anthony while she shoves her free prime rib in her cosmetically plumped pucker???

And if so, what is it?

Maybe women are looking for men who want to take care of not only them, but their offspring, and a guy who doesn't flinch at shelling out a few measly dollars for the sake of his "family" seems like just the type we'd want to stick around.

So I say, pay for me.
(and not only because I can't really afford to)
But because it means you can and you want to.

In all, when we consider what other species give up for love your spare change shouldn't matter...

Because a Paying Man may "TSK" at the the incoming check... but he shouldn't lose his head.


Jared said...

I never had any problem with paying but I think a woman should pay half if she already knows she does not want to continue dating this person.

Chrissie said...

good point jared, i should have mentioned that as well.

ew! i don't think a respectable woman would feel okay with having things bought for her (food or otherwise) by someone she's not interested in...

that's where she should realize it's time to go grocery shopping and stay home.

i wonder if offering to pay half on the first date could be considered a "new way" of letting "him down easy" ?!?! that might be nice...

Anonymous said...

what do guys think? look at it this way:

GUY: "i have trouble paying for her all the time, after she spends all of her free time touting how INDEPENDENT she is..."

FRIEND OF GUY: "well, dude, she did buy that nice new top."

GUY: "oh. i didn't think about that..."

this is not a conversation i have ever had. i don't think guys really care too much about the money (or about your nice new top, not to say your nice new top isn't very nice and doesn't look very nice on you (not that you'd really accept the compliment if the guy did in fact compliment you on it... or no, actually you probably would accept that compliment, because it has nothing to do with you, it's more about the top, and now he's just complimenting your fashion sense, which you are probably already very confident about, so it doesn't really need to be validated, but it's a nice "hey, you noticed" moment... or whatever)).

where was i? oh, the money. yeah, most men don't care. er, at least, i don't care. and i don't think i'm too different from most guys. tho i could be very wrong about that...

and it goes both ways: if a guy isn't that into you, he'll probably gently encourage you to pay your own way, or he won't try to change your mind when you offer.

but don't ever be insistent on dividing the bill. if he offers to pay, say "thank you" and let that be the end of it. that whole exhaustively trite and niggling argument about "paying" is so annoying.

chrissynb said...

Nice......very interesting post

Chrissie said...

anon... what makes you so quick to think i can't take a compliment?!?!

although, if accepting a free meal in exchange for my company is a compliment in itself... and considering the amount of "thinking" such a "normal" task entails for me... maybe you're right;)

vanessa said...

Let me just say that I found the praying mantis link to be kind of disturbing.... but I also learned that the female is twice as big as the male, making it easier to overpower him. Interesting...

Anonymous said...

i don't think, i know you can't take a compliment.

because most reasonably minded people are modest about some aspect of their lives. and other people have a knack for being able to find that particularly modest aspect, and then they compliment the person on it.

because they know that that compliment means something more to that person...

especially when the person is too modest on the outside to accept it.

Chrissie said...

yeah vanessa! that video was creepy... i wanted to post it directly on the blog, but the powers in charge of The Odd Couple say no to YOUTUBE videos.

I did a little research on the praying mantis thing and apparently it's not the usual thing for the female to do that, it happens mostly when she's underfed and some people say that the male mantis is "offering" his head to her because he wants to make sure his babies don't have a starving mom.

isn't that cute;)

ha! well... at least it pertains to the post, he wants to make sure his baby momma is well fed, at any cost.