Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Precious ring sends me for a loop

because I really only want one thing for Christmas, i can't help but bring up the ring

the ring has been the topic of many conversations... mom: "when are you getting a ring from that boy?" the best friend: "he better have me help him pick out the ring" even the taxi cab driver back in April: "how come there's no ring on that hand?"

with everyone weighing in, it dawned on me, i should be better prepared. seriously. there are things a girl should know that i haven't begun to ponder...

like, what if he asks me what i like? do i like square or circle? is that what they are even called in the gemological realm? do i like silver or white gold, 1 carat or semi-precious?

not to mention, i should probably know what a blood diamond is, before he puts one on my finger, no?

wait... am i allowed to say what i like? attach prototypes in e-mails? cut out magazine ads and put them on his car windshield?

or is that a diva-like don't? shouldn't i be content to receive a green bread bag twisty tie from the man i love, because he is, the man i love.

i actually googled "engagement ring etiquette." what a NOT help! the rules are very him-oriented. ask her mom, make sure it's a surprise, take her somewhere nice, practice what you'll say... all these him-rules were make me sweaty.

surely, there must be decorum for the deed for me.

monkey see, monkey do would lead me to the nail salon and to the wedding gift registry at bed, bath & beyond... i think i swing from another tree.

when i asked my mom, she said, "don't get married in the summer. we already have RV reservations" and "whose going to babysit the children? i'm not driving two hours..."

woa, woa, woa! can't anyone tell me what to do in the here-and-now?

except for the one thing i've learned in the last few days... keep your mouth shut.



Sarah said...

ok, this post has been up for two hours, and ya'all are about as helpful as my google search... there must be some rules.

Let's start with picking out THE ONE before you've met him... thoughts?

Chrissie said...

i hate the idea of women wanting to pick out their own engagement ring, that's like picking out your own christmas present.

hope that the guy you want to marry knows you well enough to know what YOU like, or at least knows ENOUGH to ask your close friend for advice.

i'd say the one thing that sticks out as a definite "NO NO" is asking your friend a thousand questions if you suspect she's been "shopping" with your man.

don't beg her to tell you the details and eventually ruin the surprise for yourself.

oh, and there's really no such thing as "conflict free" diamonds.

they pretty much all come from the same place, and their prices are kept high because of the practical monopoly DeBeers has on them.

You can get conflict "neutral" diamonds, which just means that a portion of the cost goes to a charity... but finding a diamond that doesn't represent suffering and warfare isn't all that possible.

so keep that in mind when you consider it's also "forever."

vanessa said...

Personally I dont think you should be dreaming about your ring unless you've actually talked about getting married, and know its in your future.

If he avoids the questions of marriage and family like the plague, chances are a ring is not in your future and you're setting yourself up for an inevitable let down.

Once you overcome that hurdle then I suggest commenting, "ohh", "ahh", "thats so pretty" on rings you see in magazines and commercials you just happen to see. Then he at least has some idea.

If he's bought you jewelry before he should already know white or yellow gold. I don't think you should go with your man to pick out the actual ring, but you should definitely arm him with ideas.

Unless the man is metrosexual, they usually fail at picking out clothes and jewelry that we actually like, so we do have to coach them.

Chrissie said...

something else that's sort of upsetting, when you google "alternatives to the engagement ring," you only get alternatives to the DIAMOND, not the idea of a ring.

Sarah said...

So, no one thinks, the girl should just be happy she's getting A RING, and not THE RING?

Isn't there an unspoken rule, that the girl shouldn't talk about the engagement, pre-engagement? isn't that a little impolite? or improper?

Chrissie said...

i think if a woman is shallow enough to be thinking about THE RING when she's looking at A RING bought for her with love, then she should gracefully decline the offer for marriage...

and let a more appreciative woman spend the rest of her days with the guy thoughtful enough to ask.

again, it's like getting a gift for christmas and pouting because it's not "the one you wanted."

take the blue sweater instead of the pink one and wear it because YOU LOVE HIM.

Sarah said...

I dunno Chrissie. The ring is like the precursor to childbirth, so shouldn't SHE get the one she likes ;-)

Chrissie said...

well... when you put it that way;)

Anonymous said...

If youwant a guy to ask you to marry him only because he truly wants to marry you and not because you are shoving the idea down his throat or because he figures he can keep you around if you gives you the ring and then throws his 10 year engagement plan at you then I suggest you say nothing and hope he knows you well enought to pick out what you like! othe wise you may never know why he really asked you.

Sarah said...

when you put it that way, it sounds so romantic...

i know you weren't talking to Me, because the only shoving going on here is this delicious doughnut into my mouth ;-)

but i think i see where you were going... don't nag him about marriage if he still calls it the "M" word.