Friday, December 14, 2007

When he's perfect in every way but one

What happens when the gravity that two people have
skids off the face of the Earth at Mach 10?

Most couples enjoy at least a year of electric charges when they touch, kiss and (for the purposes of this blog) cuddle. There's a current of excitement that races through our bodies, a giddiness that sends our thoughts spinning, a surge of urges that is explosive.

There is attraction.

But what happens when those feelings start to falter, and instead of trembling from his touch you find yourself shivering from the cold in your heart?

X. was perfect. Smart. Athletic. And the nicest guy. Even my mom approved.
X. was perfect in every way. Except one. The spark fizzled into a friendship. He became my best man.

After several years as X.'s sidekick, I found myself wondering, can I be with someone I loved, but wasn't ravenous about? Would I ever be satisfied by the man who was perfect in every way but one?

He wasn't attractive.

Would you have stayed with X. and considered yourself lucky? Or have searched for the man who could keep you sizzling?


Chrissie said...

i think what's more realistic isn't that he wasn't attractive, but that you weren't attracted to him.

i wouldn't have stayed with him, because everyone deserves to find someone that makes them sizzle, and that guy you "didn't find attractive," is now probably someone's knight in shining armor.

since "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder" and all that;)

Sarah said...

It's true. I had "He wasn't attractive TO ME" in my post during the draft, but I figure that would be assumed. Pls don't think I'm judgmental.

Chrissie, I agree with you, in one aspect. He's probably ridden into some woman's life on a white horse.

On the other hay:
What couples stay HOT and HEAVY about each other years down the road? Doesn't that always wear off? So would it be so bad to know when it does, at least what you are left with was perfection?

I dunno. I'm spewing again.

Sarah said...

I'm so bored with my own thoughts... doesn't anyone have a comment?

Alice said...

I had this happen w/ a friend of mine in college. Nicest person you've ever met, smart, funny, thought I was great.

But I wasn't attracted to him. I tried to be, but there are just some things that you can't fake.

Now he's getting married to a girl who thinks he's fantastic AND attractive.

As for the hot and heavy forever, I think all relationships change: even your friendships have to evolve.

If you stay the exact same person for 100 years, what's the point? The difference is if you evolve in the same way. Some people do, some people don't.

Jared said...

Well there's another side of the coin as well. Even if it's with someone they are attracted to, do you think a person with healthy self-esteem wants to be in a relationship where the physical attraction only goes one way?

Marianne said...

Attraction is utterly important. That sizzle and explosive feeling means that person is turning you on. Sexual pleasure may not be the most pervasive quality in the relationship, but i think it has to be there in order for the relationship to be healthy and happy.

This a topic my friends and I often dispute. Would you rather have a good relationship without good sex, or sex without a good relationship? Now, my friends are not the most angelic, yet we are not promiscuous either. After debate over the pros and cons of both we have all chosen sex without a firm relationship. Because, if you’re in an amazing relationship but the sex is not pleasurable and does not turn you on as it should, then the relationship is lacking something; passion.

I know a guy who is magnificent. He is everything I would want in a life partner -- funny, cute, intelligent, understanding, similar background. But there is no passion -- never was. And I tried, I mean I really tried to make things work with him, but every time we would get in bed I was uninterested. There was nothing he could do to get me interested. It is sad - but things ended. We remain friends -- best friends mind you -- but I couldn’t get past the point of no passion.

C'est la vie

Chrissie said...


I think, like Alice said, people change.

And sometimes as we change we realize we need something different from what we have, and may therefore lose our "attraction" to someone.

Not because they are no longer good looking or as smart or as funny as they used to be, but because what we need isn't the same as it used to be.

From my personal experience, things can go from HOT to COLD in no time, but it isn't anyone's "fault."

X said...


Sarah said...

Ooo, Marianne, let's debate your question:

A good relationship without good sex vs. good sex without a good relationship

Can u have good sex with a good relationship? Maybe once or twice. But can you sustain it, with someone who doesn't treat you like you deserve? I dunno.

(X: Read Jared's comment again. It was a favor :-)

Chrissie said...

i don't think you can consider it a good relationship without good sex...

so the question is MOOT to me;)

Sarah said...

I disagree. What about people who wait to have sex. Does that make it a bad relationship?

Chrissie said...

not until they have bad sex.

that's like saying a relationship without sex at all is still "good."

and if sex isn't part of the equation, then what exactly are we debating again???

Sarah said...

I guess what I'm debating is that you can have bad or no sex and still have a good relationship. At least I'd prefer that scenario to a relationship with great sex but nothing else.

Jared said...

IMO, both scenarios have no chance of ending well. So I think a doomed booty call would be less painful than a doomed "serious relationship". Maybe my male perspective doesn't apply here.

madelena said...

A relationship with nothing but good sex isn't a relationship.

It's just lust.