Thursday, January 10, 2008

Tails of woe

A demon male has wrecked havoc on my life.
His name is Capo.

He sprayed his devil juice in my kitchen. Yesterday, when my alarm didn't go off. When I was almost fired for missing the most important meeting of my work-life. I spent more time cleaning up urine than I did getting ready.

He peed in my room. This morning. The squishy wet outline on my carpet made me furious. "You know better than this," I shrieked. So he bit me.

I noticed the blood in the car. Right next to the bite mark from Wednesday night when we played chase. When he weaved through the chair legs under the table, like an obstacle course, while I cursed. When I performed a Hulk Hogan move, squashing him to ground.

What I was trying to do was clip his nails. Each time the metal came near, he went into attach mode.

I wish an exorcism was an option. But removing this difficult pooch out my life would hurt worse than any difficult man that I have ever let go.

I will tame this beast.


Sarah said...


1. Both take up too much space on the bed. 2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning. 3. Both are threatened by their own kind. 4. Both like to chew wood. 5. Both mark their territory. 6. Both are bad at asking you questions. 7. Neither tells you what's bothering them. 8. Both tend to smell riper with age. 9. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous. 10. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's "parts." 11. Neither does any dishes. 12. Both fart shamelessly. 13. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut. 14. Both like dominance games. 15. Both are suspicious of the postman. 16. Neither knows how to talk on the telephone. 17. Neither understands what you see in cats.

Anonymous said...

Watch the Dog Whisperer on National Geographic ... with Ceaser Milan. You could even look at his website.

He'll give you tools to help tame your beast. ;)