12/4/04 — It's 10:30 p.m., I am alone. Yesterday I was alone. Tuesday — alone until 11:30, but I went to sleep before J. and I could spend any time together. Monday I spent alone. Maybe this weekend will be better. It won't though. What do I do now? How do I make changes?
12/2/05 — I'm numb. I drag myself out of bed. When someone asks me how I am I can't hold in my sadness. When I saw J. today he hugged me and his touch felt so wrong.
2/1/05 — J. and I are done. For good. I tried to see if there was hope for us, but there isn't. He's him. I'm me. We don't mesh. He called and I told him it's over, no I don't want to get back. I'm bitter, hurt, angry. He said I have a problem and should look into it. **** him. One of these days he'll stop hurting me and there will be someone so spectacular out there for me.
6/22/05 — I'm quite content. C. is amazing. We've slept next to each other for close to two weeks straight. There are countless things I like about him. He's athletic. hard worker. funny. ambitious. he makes plenty of time for me. his kisses. his compliments. his friends/family. he's a country boy who doesn't act like a super star. he reads my articles. he looks at me adoringly. he scoops me up. he gets nervous around me. he wants me around him all the time. he's never too busy for me. i don't need to push him to achieve his goals. and if all that wasn't enough — we have matching freckles.