Tuesday, February 5, 2008

HEADLINE: Girlfriend strangles boyfriend, cop

The most jealous I've ever been was one past Halloween.

J. and I spent most of the night at opposite ends of the dive bar. I had my girlfriends and he had his brother, the bar manager, so cling ons we weren't.

(Hours later) coming back from the bathroom I brushed by him. I almost didn't notice there was a girl in a slutty cop costume pressing her leather bra against his Obi-won Kenobi cloak. But at the last second, I did a double take and sure enough, there was some bacon rubbing on my pig of a boyfriend.

Smoke came out of my Leia-inspired braided buns, but I didn't really loose it until I realized they were handcuffed ... together.

If I had had a real light saBer, I might have done something real bad, that involved lots of blood loss and donated MALE parts. Instead, my girlfriend, R. snatched me away from making a scene and we decided to go somewhere else. But, oh no, no. J. couldn't let it go. He followed us, arguing nonsense, like: "I didn't even realize I was handcuffed!"


On a busy Manhattan street, I hurled the foot-long plastic light saBer as hard as I could. It hit him in the chest and smashed on the ground.

So he did the adult thing, and broke up with me. Too bad his words packed less of a blow than my javelin toss.

It was messy, I admit. But isn't jealousy always?
Here's your exercise for today:
If I caught my (boy/girl) friend handcuffed to a sexy stranger, I'd:

A) walk away like I didn't notice and try to forget it
B) ask if I could join in
C)__________________ (the possibilities are endless)


Chrissie said...

Do you mean literally HANDCUFFED?!?! I've heard that term used before to describe couples who are hand in hand all night long, but your Halloween story doesn't exactly lend itself to that scenario.

Assuming you mean literally I'll choose...

I'd probably grab my own Man-Cop and run to the dance floor for some jealousy making of my own:)

Sarah said...

I mean KB Toy handcuffed together.

I left out the part about riding to the city together.

So when I went home with my girl friend, he was left stranded. I think he ended up taking a train, which is not too much of a hassle, except I had his change of clothes, so he wore that cloak of shame on Nov. 1!

Mario said...

Sarah -- it's a light saber.

Star Wars geeks everywhere are cringing ;-)

Anonymous said...

ask if i could join in. but only if she were cute.

Sarah said...

i guess this means i'm kicked out of going to the conventions then, huh?

Mario said...

Nonsense, you're female. You're the closest thing to an alien life form at a science fiction convention. You'd be the guest of honor.

Now, I know you're taken, so attending a convention would probably not interest you. But before any of your single girlfriends get too excited, just remember what they say about those kind of male-dominated gatherings.

The odds are good, but the goods are odd.