Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Hey You, Anonymity Muscles

It is time for a little chat.

Yesterday's comments on the blog were a little hurtful and honestly, I feel dismayed, disappointed and discouraged.

Is it unpopular to be the girl with a romantic side? Are people's views of true love so jaded that my happiness is punishable by persecution?

I was deemed pathetic, a real snooze and a fool for stating the truth about my relationship: I'm waiting for C. to propose to me because he is everything I've always wanted.

As a result, you attacked me. And you defended me.

So now, I want to know. Does everyone think that a couple should know at the exact instant that they should be married?

Is there some moment when a fairy glides through the room and drops her magic potion like a crop duster on two lovers who turn and declare: "I want to marry you" in unison.

I've been accused of living in a Mother Goose tale one moment and being Miss Piggy hot for Kermit the next. How can I be both?


Anonymous said...

i don't think you're either...i think you've found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and people who have never experienced what it feels like to be that in love may be cynical about relationships, marriage, and love. there is nothing wrong with you wanting to marry C and there is nothing wrong with C thinking he needs more time. love doesn't have a formula, it's different for every person. i tihnk people need to be happy for you that you've found someone you love and not be so aggressive in criticizing a situation they do not understand.

Anonymous said...

So, by writing under anonymous Im some how hidding?? so if I used my first name like other bloggers I wouldn't be hidding any longer and I would be standing behind what Im saying?? Okay my name is Jessica.

Or is it if your writing a negative comment you need to put your full name, address and phone number, otherwise your a coward ???

And for the record, I never said there was anything wrong with marriage, love or wanting to marry someone, I just see a problem of always telling them your waiting and talking about it constantly, after the other person has told you they are not ready. I still think its begging!

I didn't mean to hurt anyones feelings, just thought you might want some COMMENTS, that is the purpose of this blog right?? to get different opinions???

Thats all it was, my opinon, maybe it hurt so much because you can see a hint of truth in it??

Chrissie said...

I think men and women want marriage for different reasons at different times, and the most important thing to consider when dealing with the "I'm ready and he's not" scenario is to trust his reasons and decide whether or not you feel they are valid.

If your man is old fashioned, he may want to know he is financially capable of caring for you and your many minions should you actually marry and live happily ever after.

Maybe he wants to wait because he's getting his degree, or is waiting for his father's business, or he's hoping to have a down payment for a house before he puts his savings on your ring finger.

These are valid reasons.
These aren't excuses so much, they are honorable opinions that any woman, no matter how eager she is to be married, could respect and hopefully accept.

I don't think there is anything wrong with "not being ready."

The only thing that IS wrong is waiting for someone who will never be.

(Not to imply that "C." is this sort... but they are out there).

Chrissie Lynn

rga said...

sarah, i wouldn't get too dismayed by yesterday's comments.

this anonymous person is just running down the playbook of petty and crude argument tactics. he/she unfairly insulted you ("pathetic", "fool", "bore"), assumed things that he/she can't possibly know ("he's just not that into you"), made false and absolutely unfounded assertions ("you're making other women look bad"), and patronized your defense of yourself by suggesting your just whining ("i don't know why you're getting so upset").

this anon keeps harping about how it's a "public blog" and how he/she is just stating his/her "opinion" and how you ought to "want some comments" and stop "getting so upset".

but all you're doing is defending yourself. which seems perfectly reasonable to me. and not the least bit like you're whining about it. people can agree to disagree.

anon, you have a valid point, and i assume that sarah does welcome your contrasted opinion. you're just not presenting it very tactfully.

and no, writing under anonymous does not mean you're "hiding". i think that's just as petty as calling sarah a pathetic bore.

signed (unanonymously),

Jared said...

I don't know your situation but I think the mistake people usually make is not clarifying these things early in the relationship.

Anonymous said...

i'm sorry for the "anon" post. i dont have a blogger/google account.

but, if you have a blog and leave it open to comments you ARE exposing yourself to the good and the bad. however, it's the internet, and you shouldn't take it so seriously.

i don't know about waiting and waiting for someone to propose....that just isn't me. [i'm the girl a few posts back who was really down on weddings] i guess you can want the fairy tale [ick] but you can love someone deeply and be comitted and caring without the state of NY saying so. marriage isn't an emotional contract, it's just a legal one. you've already given this guy your heart, isn't that enough?

Madelena said...


Sarah, having a romantic side and still believing in true love is completely normal, and I honestly don't think far fetched either. I believe it still exists!

Wanting to get married at a reasonably young age in order to have children is normal, wanting a beautiful wedding, in a beautiful setting, with all of the beautiful accessories is completely reasonable AND attainable!

It's only a matter of time before C. pops the awaited question. If it wasn't going to happen, I don't think he would be in a relationship with you right now. You're both young, but at a point in your lives when being in a relationship is no longer 'child's play', but either for the long haul or nothing at all. In time he will propose, and if he's aware of your romantic side, will know in what manner to do it.

This time in a womens life is important and very exciting! (as well as nerve wracking) I believe in true love, I believe in soul mates, and I believe in beautiful weddings! Don't let negativity swallow your romantic ideals.

Your a good person Sarah, who's intelligent and driven, and has overcome things in life to get to where you are. Don't worry, you're not the type that will wind up a lonely ol' cat lady. ;)

Anonymous said...

The truth shall set you free. Sarah your statemnts make you sound like you're begging and desperate, you might not be, but thats the picture you are painting for everyone who reads this blog. sorry