Tuesday, February 19, 2008

love is no assignment for chickens

“When did all this start?” my roommate questioned me after our third night of WE Go Bridal marathons.
“I don’t know exactly,” I answered truthfully and began to scratch my brain. "My wedding fixation just happened."
“I bet it was when you met C.,” she said.
Hmmm, I thought.
"Yes," I buzzed. "You're right."

Actually, a year into my relationship with C., I had my first wedding thought. That's when I became determined to capture other people’s special day on my new NIKON. I was 100 percent certain I was meant to be a wedding photographer. It just hit me one day.

But there was one problemo. I didn't know squat about the business. That's when I became an assistant photog.

I was working one wedding in particular, when my dream changed. During the first dance, the couple had skipped the choreographed crap and forgot the 150 guest surrounding them. Lost in the moment, they sang the lyrics to their favorite love song to each other. Behind my lens, I felt wetness on my cheeks.

It wasn’t hard to imagine C. holding me, singing to me like that. It just clicked. I was ready for him, I was ready to make our moment.

From then on, I found myself planning my own first dance with C.

Wanting to be married isn't the disease that Chrissie makes it out to be. Not when you stop doubting that your life as a single, care-free chick could never compare to your future as the wife of a man who is so gentle, handsome and wholesome, and role as mother hen.

There isn’t a vaccine for what I have and I would never want one if there was.


Chrissie said...

"Wanting to be married" in general is not a disease according to Chrissie.

"Wanting to be married because all your friends are," is the illness I was referring to... I think the two are very different.

If you want to be with the man you're with for the rest of your life because to you, he's THE ONE that's fabulous.

If you want to marry him because your friends have theirs and you WANT ONE (in general) there might be something else to consider.

Anonymous said...

so whats the hold up?

Anonymous said...

planning a wedding was the most painful, bitter, dispiriting thing i have ever done in my 30 years on the planet. it was, hands-down, the worst experience of my life.

there is no joy in trying to wriggle out of society's absurb expecatations that are placed on you to be the "bride" and the bickering, petty crap that your friends and family put you through.

i love my husband beyond words, but hated being the "bride" more than i can express.

weddings are an archaic ritual that exploits womens' collective insecurities and need to be princesses.

vanessa said...

Anon #2.. I completely agree with your take on the wedding "theatrical". That's why when I get married, I want to do it in my aunts backyard next to the river one summer day. no tux's, no guest formalwear, no poofy wedding dress, no cutting the cake or throwing the bouquet, just a fun picnic with the people I love the most celebrating me and my mans special day. That's the way it SHOULD be.

Chrissie said...

i agree with ANON 2 as well. i think that all the "expectations" of what a "perfect wedding" should be are ridiculous.

we don't all live the same lives, so why would all brides want the same thing?

i want:

outdoor ceremony
understated white dress (i simply love wearing white in the summer time, it's not the "tradition" so much)
and a fun party with all the people i care about.

i'm not going to waste my time finding the "perfect cutlery" or the "best invitations."

if people are offended by my understated, homemade centerpieces or printed-at-the-apartment invitations, then what the heck am i inviting THEM to my wedding for anyway?????

NOT that i'm thinking about marriage :P

Sarah said...

Sarah's dream wedding.
Tropical beach ceremony, barefoot, flowing dress.
Mountain top reception/seafood and bbq fare.
Tans, reds and whites. Khakis and white button downs.
Roses and peonies and 1,000 candles.
Swimsuits are a must. Kids running everywhere with bubbles and butterfly catching nets.
After-party friends-only bash, battle of the bands, fruit martini bar, electric blue lighting and endless dancing.
After-after party — fireworks show (and in my dream C. actually thinks fireworks are romantic).

Oh yeah, and it's free, and brides/grooms are immune to hangovers the next day !

Chrissie said...

ah! i'm stealing the mountaintop seafood/bbq idea!!!

you can keep the khakis though:P

Anonymous said...

whatever. my point wasn't that people should have a backyard ceremony or a non-poofy dress. it was the weddings are demoralizing tests of one's character. i think everyone's ideas for outdoors and, especially, hangover immunity are great....but my point was that you're sitting in your happy dreamworld, planning a fantasy.

having lived through it, i guarantee that while actually planning a wedding, you WILL feel compelled to jump of the mid-hudson brige.

my biggest regret is that one frustrating afternoon, my man and i didnt just head off to the dutchess county courthouse and get it over with!

Sarah said...

Anon, thanks for your opinions. I know you just want to help, even if you are shattering two young girls dreams.


vanessa said...

anon it sounds like you never wanted a wedding to begin with. Did you just throw a wedding to try and please everyone else? You probably should have just gone to the courthouse. The last thing you want to do is regret whats supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life.

I on the other hand love planning dinner parties and other get togethers so my wedding shouldn't be any different. (when the day comes).I'm known to do things my own way, so other peoples opinions wont matter to me. F everyone else. I'm gonna do what me and my groom want to do. and thats what you should have done.

Anonymous said...

vanessa is right...i never wanted a wedding in the first place. it just wasn't "me"....i should have hauled off to the courthouse. it cost me friends, cost me too much money and too much aggravation.

i don't mean to shatter anyone's dreams. sorry! i guess it's still too much a visceral response for me in reaction to folks that have wedding fever.

the biggest problem for my wedding and myself was the constant chafe against something i'm not!