Wednesday, March 26, 2008

How it all goes to hell

I don't like him, I told R. when I met her new boyfriend, a Blondie with a nice build, who liked to spin on his head at nightclubs. He went by the name of QUEST.

Yet, of all the unconcealed reasons not to warm up to the guy dating your best friend (the main one being that he was nearing 30 and still pursuing his b-boy dream), I carefully selected this one:

He tossed a Red Bull out of his car, which zipped through the air like a Sarah-seeking rocket, and hit the windshield of her car, right in front of my face. The loud WHAM made my head bump the ceiling and my heart thump faster than a thoroughbred at Saratoga.

Of course, she listened to me, and dated him for something like five years : 1

Here are some real reasons why best friends hate it when Sally meets Harry.

1.) As quickly as he whisks her off her feet, she vanishes from your daily life. Sure, there's the occasional girls date, that has to be scheduled two months in advance, when he's out of town. But you know the weekends when she was all yours are long gone.

2.) When he fixes you up with his friend and you spend the night squirming from disgust, don't look to her for sympathy. The only thing she's interested in is earning MVP in the tonsil hockey tourny.

3.) His male chauvinistic friend was one big loser, so you make excuses whenever he's going to be around, only to find out later that your best friend has played matchmaker once again. She set him up with the girl she used to call "smash face" and now the four are inseparable.

4.) The honeymoon period is over, and somehow you managed not to rip off your ears, when she sang "What a Man, What a Man, What a Mighty Good Man" in the shower over and over. But then you start getting different phone calls, when you have to say: "Whoa, catch your breath so I can understand you. Now, what did he do?" For the next hour, she recounts how he stood her up, cheated on her, lied to her, beat up her mom and is running from DOG the bounty hunter. A week later, she's back in Salt N Pepper "What a man..."

5.) Her taken status makes her immune to any good relationship advice you might have to offer. Your words are wasted, so you don't bother. Your indifference coping mechanism sends her into a tizzy fit, demonstrating all her best qualities. You both declare a war of silence.

6.) It's been a year since you last heard from her, and just when you think you've put the two behind you, she asks you to be in her wedding. And there's more good news. That creep you got fixed up with, he's going to be your escort.


sarah said...

For the record, R's man grew on me, so much so, that when they broke up, my heart tore a little.

And R and I have remained best friends, who luckily at the moment, both have boyfriends and share the same desire to ditch them as much as possible for a little girl time.

sarah said...

In fact, I think we're due!

Chrissie said...

i think the hardest part about being the best-friend-left-behind is that your old gal pal actually DID change, whether she wanted to or not.

the nights of staying out til 4 a.m. without a care in the world are over once you have someone you care about who might be worried, or better yet who might be missing you as much as you miss them.

i guess... no matter how many times we say we "wont do THAT when we find a man" we end up doing it anyway:P

Travis Miller said...

Being caught by Dog the Bounty Hunter could be the best thing for this guy. He could really turn his life around.