Monday, March 31, 2008

The Not-So-Tender Bar

After an evening of dinner and drinks during the "early bird special" on Friday night, my friend and I sauntered over to our "used-to-be-favorite" watering hole for a drink... but what we found weren't the kind of worms these birds are now looking for.

5 REASONS WE'RE FINISHED WITH BARS

1. The smell.
I can remember late nights where the men's room toilet flooded into the bar area. I can remember people puking on the floor and spilling drinks everywhere. What I cannot remember, is seeing anyone clean up any of this... ever. The putrid smell, exists as evidence of this very fact.

2. The patrons.
"Hey! There's that ugly guy who called me Mami and rubbed his leg against mine even though I told him that I was trying to have 'A (expletive) conversation.' And look! There's that tool we called the PERP!" (Turns out... although we'd found other things to do, that some individuals still hadn't).

3. The bartenders.
Like the patrons, those same ol' 30-somethings were still pretending that they were rock-stars rather than drink-makers. But what does it say about a man that can only get the ladies after he fills them with shots of tequila and garnishes his "game" with deception?

4. The children
I dunno what happened... but either they lowered the drinking age to 16, or I'm getting O-L-D.

5. The prices
Drinks are cheaper when you're single... my freebie was replaced with a $6 tab, and all I could think was how that was the same price as my favorite cheapy-red wine (of which I get an entire bottle, rather than 4 ounces in a chipped glass).


In all, I realized that I can get all the perks of what I once found at the bar... friends, music, booze, conversation and camaraderie, in the comforts of my own home.

Where it doesn't smell foul...
Where the perp doesn't exist...
And where I can drink 3 glasses of wine with real friends rather than 10 pints of alcohol with
people that will leave me to find my own cab at 3 a.m.



This early bird, now gets her worm at home.

6 comments:

Chrissie said...

And yes... that's a picture of me actually eating worms, in a bar;)

Anonymous said...

...at an FTB show I might add...

www.flipthebirdband.com

Anonymous said...

go easy on the bartenders. they're "rock stars" only because the patrons make them so. you were a patron once... you probably contributed to this spectacle, no?

besides, it's their job to be there. and they work for tips. so it behooves them to play up the part, to make the patron feel "special" by getting service from a massively popular "rock star" rather than some ordinary "drink maker". would you agree?

as for hooking up with drunk chicks... well, when it's laid at his feet, i suspect the average bartender would find it difficult to say no.

Chrissie said...

well anon2... you're right to defend bartenders to an extent.

i was a server at a restaurant for years and years, and so i know what it means to work for tips.

but this post wasn't about all bars, or all bartenders, or all patrons... it was about the "used-to-be-favorite" bar in particular.

and my own personal experience has left me feeling that some may seem "more rock star" than they actually are.

and as for "hooking up with drunk chicks" and them being "laid at his feet," then again... i agree with you, it's a deal most men would find hard to pass up.

but i think that there are also men who don't stand a chance with a woman who has all her wits about her...

madelena said...

I think I know what bar you're referring to and you're right; there's definitely a nasty smell that lingers in there. I guess I never noticed the 'rock star' bartenders though. (I guess they really don't stick out that much ;)
And as for the patrons .... unfortunately new faces are a rare occurrence. Then again, we do live in an awfully small town.

I think different phases in life just call for different things. Maybe that particular bar fit into that phase in life; but with the changing phases comes different places.
Plus ... as you get older you begin to see the bar and the bar scene for what it really is.

Chrissie said...

you're totally right madelena... and it's much easier to see the bar scene for what it's worth when you're not clouded by a hangover:P