Monday, March 3, 2008

Preparing him for a brown baby


When C. and I were a newlyduo, I woke up first in order to address any pre-erupted pimples, wage war against my onion-induced halitosis and banish the squirrels that had holed up in my hair hell. Then I’d slither back under the comforter, nuzzle my head into his armpit and plant a double-minty smooch on his slightly parted lips.

If you think I kept that up for the past three years, you must not have both oars in the water.

Or, you must think I’m one sandwich short of a picnic.

The real not-so-slim and not-so-shaven "POJO Princess" has stood up.

C. knows I am the in-bed flosser. The baggy T-shirt PJ wearer. The morning fire breather. The squeaky “wheeeek” and boisterous “brrrmp” midnight sound machine.

He let me into his own masculine world of: Strange couch vibrations against my legs. Sweat-soaked sheets. Nose hairs needing a good ole weed whack. Half-hour-long disappearances followed by the familiar “Fllllusssssh”.

Maybe being asked “Did you just toot?” by the man of your dreams isn’t your ideal relationship. Maybe you prefer waking up to perfection with a side of infatuation.

I prefer the kind of love that endures even after life has stripped me of dignity. Like when I was in the emergency room, with fluids exiting my body in the most violent way, all while C. paced within “hearing distance” of the bathroom door. Just in case. "Honey, I can't reach the toilet paper without pulling out my IV needle..."

It’s moments like these that prepare us not-so-newlywedded for the real fear factor:

Oh yeah, I just went there.

8 comments:

Chrissie said...

i think the level of acceptable "comfort" is really contingent on the types of personalities of those involved...

what's "okay" and "cute" for one couple might be gross and over the top for another.

i think it's fine to know that the person you're with isn't perfect.
i think it's fine to know about the tattered shirts and the longer trips to the bathroom... but making a production out of such things is a little much for me.

"PoJo Princess" said...

a production?

Chrissie said...

production... like when a guy
"passes wind" and then holds the blankets over their SO's head... or the people that make jokes about it over and over again, or when people feel the need to "announce" their business in the bathroom.

i think, like anything, "the comfort zone" should be visited from time to time, but making it a perpetual reality might be bad for a relationship.

not to say that's what you're doing, just saying some do.

"PoJo Princess" said...

ah the blanket hot box

I mean... that's disgusting Chrissie, where did you invent such a disgusting game? tisk. tisk.

I grew up in a broccoli-eating household. That's all I have to say.

Anonymous said...

Wow Sarah you had to take it there, ewwww gross! There are somethings I I don't even want to read about and your bad breath and bowel movements are a few of them.

Anonymous said...

Maybe sarah should submit a list of topics for your approval anon.

Zirbel25 said...

LOL that birth conversation stuck with you! I love it! :) You learn something new every day, right?!

Jenny said...

I live with a couple. The female half likes to announce she "busted a grumpy" every time she passes gas. Frankly, I would prefer someone not announce they just farted even if the person is trying to warn me about the smell. Most of the time, I can't tell because my sense of smell is not super-tuned. If people just keep quiet about their farts, there's a good chance the others in the room might not notice.

Both of my roommates giggle whenever either one says, "bust a grumpy," which gets old, very old.

But to go back to Sarah's point, yes, it is good to be with someone who accepts your farts.

--- Jenny Lee