Tuesday, April 22, 2008

makeup your mind

After the wedding vows were exchanged, he brushed his lips against her petite ear and breathed words reaffirming that he was her true love... and maybe a little controlling.

"I like you better without all that makeup," he said.

I'm still deciding how I feel about his comment.

On one hand, he's expressing his attraction to her natural beauty. Bravo.

On the other, is he establishing some relationship rules now that she is his wife? Perhaps his ideal is to see her in an ankle-length dress, her hair styled like a cinnamon roll. Is this a sign that there are more "suggestions" to come?

M.A.M., men against makeup, offer explanations... see if you agree:

"i dont just want to see you embellish your good features, i want to see ALL your features - thats what stuns"

"why not skip the fake bit and get straight to being real?"

"I've also found occasionally, that some first dates don't have all the polish, and so the reality kicks in sooner and I can decide quicker whether or not a second date should happen."

"you shouldnt listen to what those airbrushed charicatures on the tv say"

"i think any manner in which we show love, care, attention and respect to ourselves is good. I think it should be in that fashion though, and not out of fear of judgement or criticism."


sarah said...

Please tell me WOMEN don't think their man should be able to tell them that wearing makeup is a no-no post marriage!

Chrissie said...

i don't think saying "you look better without it" is a compliment, ever really. there are better ways to say it, like pointing out how beautiful she is when she's fresh faced.

just out of the shower "wow you look beautiful" works better than ready to go out with her girlfriends and you say "wow, you look like bozo the clown."

it's better to tell a woman, or anyone really, what works rather than what doesn't.

i've had just about all the men in my life tell me i'm prettier without makeup, my father included.

sometimes i believe them and sometimes i don't, but the bottom line is that i don't really care.

women wear makeup for themselves, not to gain the approval, or disapproval of their man.

Chrissie said...

and what i'd like to know is why men constantly say "i like the natural look" without realizing how much WORK goes into looking "natural."

and if they love love love ms. fresh face, why do they ogle the women with red lips, high heels, and mascara all the time?

could go back to the "wed-able vs. bed-able" thing.

they want to bed the babes and marry the blahs (harsh-ish, i'm in a mood)!

i had a guy tell me he liked my "muted" look... not sure how to take that one either.

sarah said...

women wear makeup for themselves, not to gain the approval, or disapproval of their man.

That's the category I fit in.

But I read on the Web that women wear makeup for other women as well.

Anonymous said...

how about "boy that makeup really covers those gin blossoms on your nose and that zit on your chin...you look great" Is that a compliment? Women dont wear makeup for men...stop it.

Chrissie said...

i'm sure that some women wear makeup for men or other women. and some wear it for themselves... it all depends.

i wear it for me obviously, since all past bfs and my own father told me not to do it.

i prefer a natural look, but even that takes time and i'm not ashamed to go to the grocery store, the beach, the gym or anywhere really without it, i just like to go places with it too.

i wear less and less as time passes though... i tend to think that makeup can make older women look older.

jovial_cynic said...

As a guy who's often requesting that my wife wear less makeup, put less product in her hair, spend less time in the bathroom "putting on her face," as she calls it, here's the perspective:

That a woman (or man) would spend so much time trying to make sure they look perfect appears to be an inability to accept the way you look without such decorations. I think confident men desire confident women, and there's a direct relationship between time spent in the bathroom and level of confidence, at least in terms of appearance. That's the confident male perspective. We want our women to feel strong, empowered, and unmoved by judgments on appearance, be they positive or negative.

Chrissie said...

hmmmm... good point JC, but I don't think putting on a "face" or applying products is directly related to the inability to accept how you look without such decorations..

i accept how i look without makeup and i think that version of me has a place. you can find her on the couch, on the beach, in stop and shop and hiking around various spots. that chrissie wears her hair in a wet messy bun and only adorns her face with chapstick or the occasional fruity lipgloss for taste not "the look."

but there are times when it is nice to put your face on...

and i think knowing the right time is about having confidence.

i don't think makeup is used to "cover up" our real selves or hide our flaws, for a confident woman it's about enhancing what she already has.

if she wasn't confident, she wouldn't want to draw attention to her lips with a deep red color or bring awareness to her bright green eyes.

i think you'd find the people with the lower confidence are the ones wearing huge sweatshirts, baggy pants and no makeup ever.

i know when i feel my "worst" i tend to look it.

vanessa said...

I personally think that I look better with makeup, but at the same time I rarely apply it as of late. My fiance has never said he likes me better either way.

But when I do wear it he now asks, whats the special occasion?

Most women do wear makeup for themselves, but its to project a better image of themselves to the world. I know some women that cant leave the house without makeup because they dread that their physical imperfectons will be seen by the world.

There's also something to be said about women who are afraid to let their boyfriends see them without makeup. There may be some underlying self esteem issues there...

There's something to be said about the man that has stuck by after seeing you sans makeup, with morning breath, mid breakout, post mexican fiesta. Love is supposedly blind after all isnt it?

sarah said...

That's nice JC. I'm sure you mean well.

But don't you see a double standard?

Wives don't ask their hubbies not to put gel in their hair, or not to wear that baseball cap, or not iron shirts, or go without that gold watch or "Put down the trimmers honey, I LOVE THE inch-long NOSE HAIR, it makes you appear so confident..."

We don't point out that your actions are evidence of an "inability to accept the way you look", do we?

vanessa said...

And Chrissie, you should know by now that most men mean well, but that usally doesn't transition well into verbal compliments. Especially when us women are phishing for hidden meanings trying to figure out what he's "really" trying to say. Just try to take a compliment for what it is and say thank you. It'll be less of a headache for both of you.

vanessa said...

Actually thats not true Sarah. I've asked my fiance to not do certain things to his looks, and then I've followed up with a compliment of "you look handsome just the way you are".

If he thinks I'm going to let him grow a mustache without putting in my two cents he's got another thing coming.

Chrissie said...

good point too sarah, i was wondering the same thing when it comes to our grooming habits being evidence of "low self confidence."

and i wonder... if so many men LOVE the natural look and don't see why we women wear so much make up for "no reason," then HOW WOULD THEY FEEL...

If we stopped shaving our legs ??!?!!

Anonymous said...

there IS something to be said for the man who adores his woman even with the sans-makeup morning look...

but if i woke up next to kristy jo with her eyebrows wiped off, i'm afraid i'd have to check out immediately.

i guess there's not much to be said for me.

Chrissie said...


certain things should come off with a good wash, mascara, foundation, blush... eyebrows not so much.

and vanessa you might tell your man he's 'handsome just the way he is," but that doesn't mean you don't notice the extra efforts.

i think that's the point we're missing...

yes. our mates should love us sans makeup/perfume/fancy clothes.
they should love us for who we are.

but that doesn't mean they should stop noticing when we put in a little extra effort to keep things sparkling...

vanessa said...

haha.. there is definitely a certain art to eyebrow shaping. So many women pluck them too thin or too short and get the half brow. Then instead of staring into their eyes, their dates end up staring at the monstrosity of an eyebrow they overzealousy plucked.

vanessa said...

That is true chrissie. Every once in awhile I do make sure that I dress up or put makeup on just for him.. and he never misses a beat either. He even notices if I change my earrings.

jovial_cynic said...

No double standard here.

I intentionally shave my hair down to a #2 on the trimmer so I don't have to spend time worrying about how my hair looks. Also, to not have to spend money on hair product.

As for my wife, she certainly prefers me to grow my hair out and gel it up, and *does* ask me to do it. But her reasoning has nothing to do with my confidence or lack of it; she thinks I look better with my hair grown out. I agree, but I prefer to stick to my idiology.

And it's this same idiology that prevents me from buying new clothes, or shopping at retail stores.


I stick to my guns on this one.

Anonymous said...

"Wives don't ask their hubbies not to put gel in their hair, or not to wear that baseball cap, or not iron shirts, or go without that gold watch or "Put down the trimmers honey, I LOVE THE inch-long NOSE HAIR, it makes you appear so confident..."

I'm sorry, I really have to disagree on this one. My wife DOES ask me to put gel in my hair, take off my ball cap (or buy a new one). She also reminds me every 4 weeks to get my hair cut by saying, "I love it when your hair is freshly cut." Or the more recent one, "Why don't you grow a goatee?" She does compliment me, but to say that women don't say things like that to their husbands is not true.

I, like JC, intentionally keep my hair short for the ease of maintenance (also out of habit from having been in the military).

I do tell my wife that she spends a considerable amount of time in the bathroom getting ready for work or when we get the rare opportunity to go out by ourselves. But I don't tell her that I prefer her with or without make-up. She likes to wear make-up and she like to go without it on some days.

Oh, and my wife seems to have really slowed down on the shaving of her legs.

sarah said...

Anon and Vanessa,

ooooo, wait a sec... I didn't mean to say women never nag guys about their appearance... I meant to say, women don't point out that your actions are evidence of an "inability to accept the way you look"

your wife says, honey put gel in your hair, because she thinks you like nice with gel in your hair... she doesn't think it's evidence that you have low self esteem, and thus, you shouldn't do it.

when's the last time you heard your girlfriend tell you that your flashy gold watch was the direct result of peer pressure or Zimmer Brothers brainwashing you?

That's the point I'm trying make (and doing a bad job)


(on a side note: I love all the wonderful opinions today! keep em coming!)

RENAY said...

I LOVE makeup. My collection can almost supply a Sephora store. I don’t wear a ton of it, but I like to have choices. I apply it for several reasons…two of the main ones being that it is fun and it’s a confidence booster. It’s not that I have low self esteem, but it’s just a natural reaction: when you look good, you feel good. Makeup can make you feel younger, sexier, and classic – but it all boils down to that the feeling is for YOU, not someone else. I admit that if I know a certain look will turn my man on, I’ll do it for him occasionally, but for the most part, it’s all about me!

But another issue about this blog that needs commenting is that a lot of women do wear too much makeup. If she applies it with a putty knife, then I think that her man BETTER tell her less is more. Look at all the women popular reality shows: Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, The Bachelor, etc…some of these girls look like they’re related to Tammy Faye Baker. They’re in the public eye, and many people that are watching these shows might be drawn to mimic their makeup styles. So maybe in come cases, someone should be telling them to go easy on the mascara…

Chrissie said...

Very true Renay! I was watching some of those shows last night and thinking the VERY same thing. I don't think black eyeshadow looks good on anyone and if you look like a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON without your makeup, you're wearing too much. it should enhance not change the way we look.