Tuesday, April 8, 2008

The Marrying kind


"I would never marry a girl like that."

Whether it's her sexual past, her financial future, or her flirtatious nature, some women seem to possess the Bed-able not Wed-able vibe...

And where I'd gladly argue that chauvinism is to blame for such standards, I can't help but acknowledge them.

Men seem to want to marry the women they can bring home to mom, the women who will be the mother of their children...

Women, who by most standards is less than beautiful...
Women, who will fit their mold of what "wife and mother" should be.

And so which type of lady are you? Or which do you prefer to date?

Bed-able or Wed-able?

What if Ms. Wed-Able finds herself suddenly single, and making mistakes, does that forever plant her in Bed-able category? What if Ms. Bed-Able wants to change her ways and start fresh... will her past forever haunt her?

I'd hate to think that such restrictions force us to keep secrets and hide our more Bed-Able qualities, faining innocence in the face of men who want specific things from us... pretending to be more Wed-Able just to get "the ring."

For ages, women were penalized for expecting a "Knight in Shining Armor" to rescue them from their solitude...

But how different is that wish, from the one some seem to men have...

Their own wish for a one-dimensional, Wed-able woman to rescue them from their bachelorhood previously padded only by the Bed-Ables?






14 comments:

vanessa said...

I like to think that women can be both. Originally I think my fiance only saw me as a bed-able, but I guess I turned out to be wed-able. When we first started dating we didnt think it would be that serious, but apparently we changed each others minds :)

vanessa said...

I think that bed-able vs. wed-able ends up being more about core values than first looks and wild single lives and past mistakes. Some people just want to "be young and carefree" or "get it out of their system" before they even realize themselves that they want to be considered wed-able.

I like to think I've always been a good girl with a little bit of a bad streak. Not the other way around.

Chrissie said...

AMEN VANESSA! My thoughts exactly... I think we're all a little bit of both, and denying either side is what can get us into trouble.

But I think some men want to date certain girls and marry other ones, I've heard more than one guy say "I'd never marry a girl like that!" based on ONE THING that girl said or did that they based their ENTIRE opinion on...

I guess it's just a matter of finding people who are a little more open minded than that :P

sarah said...

To answer your last question...

You say, SHE wishes for a knight to rescue her from solitude. And you ask: How different is that from a man wishing to meet a wedable...

I'm not sure I believe men dating bed-ables wish to be "rescued" (at least not in my age group).

I think women set goals based on societal conditioning... wife by 30, mom by 35.

There are no related pressures on men.

Chrissie said...

i think men have societal pressures... and i think that's why a lot of them wait to find the "wed-ables" and instead date the "bed-ables" for awhile (20-35).

they're under the impression that they need the "right" job, car, house, before they should be married.

because of this, they're more likely to find women who are the "commitment type" when they're still not "set" in the other aspects of their lives.

i read a huge, long study yesterday about why men "marry some women and not others" and it touches on a lot of the pressures men may feel.

Check it out here.

Chrissie said...

i meant "who AREN'T the commitment type" :P

sarah said...

Thanks for the link Chrissie, I'll have to read that article when I have 15 hours of free time (JK).

the right job, car and/or house is nothing compared to the pressures I've experienced regarding my relationship. Don't women have THOSE pressure in addition to the "right" man and children by the "right" age.

I didn't mean to argue about "pressure". I did mean to challenge the thought that men (25 to 30) seriously wish to meet a marrying-type. Most guys at that age are just looking for a good time.

Chrissie said...

true, and yes... that link has A LOT of reading material.

but i think my question with this post wasn't about the pressures or that sort of thing, but the question of WHY men choose to marry some women and not others? (hence, the link).

why are women either bed-able or wed-able but not both?

Chrissie said...

although in terms of your question, i think women may have different pressures, but not necessarily more.

and it also depends on who your social circle is... "traditional" parents will want traditional things and complain about those typical things... marriage, babies, whatever.

i think a good firm "It will happen when it happens, I'm not worried about it" answer can remedy that.

but i think men unfortunately face the pressures of being "the provider" of a family, so they may not be excited about starting one before they're ready.

sarah said...

You bring up several points and questions in your post today :1 Hopefully the readers will weigh in too!

vanessa said...

Sarah, I agree with Chrissie that a woman feeling pressure to have a good job, new car, and house really does depend on your social circle. My parents are pretty laid back and are happy enough that I have a job that pays my bills, feeds me, and puts a roof over my head. Or at least my half of the roof :)

I get the pressure of having a good job, but aren't the new cars and houses supposed to come from the rich doctors that us women are supposed to marry?

The pressures that are put on women in their late 20's early 30's are real, at least the ones about having children. If a woman hasn't "settled down" by then, her chances of having a family decrease as the years go by. Unless of course adopting is an option... Didn't we touch on this subject in a previous post?

Chrissie said...

Yes... we have touched on nearly all of these things before:P

I think that points out the idea that all of these things are intertwined somehow...

expectations
social constructs
bending the mold
marrying for love or for timing

ohh! i like that one... a topic for tomorrow!

vanessa said...

Oh Chrissie I read the study you linked to and it seems to be VERY credible... or at least depicting the males in my social circle...

interesting..

and the part about a man being more likely to marry if some of his friends were recently married is so true.

Chrissie said...

i know! the same goes for how weddings are contagious for women... it's definitely true for men.

there was a lot of interesting stuff in that study i think... lots of possible blog fodder:P