Friday, May 23, 2008

A price

"I was propositioned yesterday."

"What do you mean?"

"A man asked me to dinner... a stranger, after an hour's worth of conversation, wanted to buy me a meal and get to know me."

"Well, what did you say?"

"I have a boyfriend, what do you THINK I said?"

The proposition itself allowed for a momentary boost to the ego and an interesting story to tell. It wasn't until later on, after retelling it a few times that it hit me.

If a woman finds the one, and lives happily ever after...

She will never again, be able to say yes to dinner with a stranger. Forget the "affairs" of the heart or the hormones that one must say goodbye to. Once Ms. Perfect finds her Mister, he will be her only dinner date. Ever.

"Wow, I'd never thought of it that way..." I stammered.

"Well, maybe it's not so bad," said my friend. "Maybe just the offer will be good enough."

Apparently, the dinner check will forever be split in the same two ways.
An offer always refused.
A flirtation never leading to anything more.

Ahh... I realized.
The price of love.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

A well deserved vacation

It may not be a week in the Bahama's, but this Bloggin' Mama is on her way OUT of Poughkeepsie.

In light of my impending birthday, the long weekend, and the celebration of all things "we," I will be out of the blogosphere for the coming week and although I will miss you, I'm sure I will be fine.

But, as this is the second weekend getaway with the man, I could use a little advice.

Hit me up in the comments section if you think my list of what to pack is missing something:

1. SPF 15
2. A few tops and jeans
3. A dress I won't wear, but think I should bring "just in case."
4. A few dollars for the things he won't be purchasing.
5. A planned engagement acceptance speech, written on a restaurant napkin, tucked neatly away in said jeans.
6. A cooler, a cozie, and a corkscrew.
7. My cell phone charger, in the event my phone is dead and I need to be rescued from a vacation disaster.
8. A look of "surprise" for said proposal.
9. A look of appreciation even if the weather sucks.
10. ___________________________.

So now you know I will miss you...
And tell me what I missed.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

On turning 26...

About 12 months ago I turned 25 and thought it was the end of the world. Now I know better... I was completely wrong.

Now I know the truth... turning 26 is the end of the world.

But the past year has taught me a lot in terms of life, love, and relationships. Here's a few of my most memorable lessons learned.

1. "Almost" and "Gunna Be" are not appropriate adjectives for men you wish to date. He's "Almost out of college" or he's "Gunna be a doctor" amounts to little in terms of a future. Stick with the "IS's" of the scene and you'll be much happier.

2. Your sister getting married will of course make you want to get married as well. Catching the bouquet, seals this deal.

3. You can find nice guys in bars. Just ask me, and all my friends with boyfriends.

4. Stamps, will be a dollar before I turn 30 and gas will be 8 dollars a gallon. You're better off spending 30,000 a year on lottery tickets than college loans if you plan to afford such "luxuries."

5. The only thing worse than public intoxication is the emotional hangover that ensues afterward. Those "nice guys" in bars aren't looking for the roofie eating, 10 shot slingin' girls. They are looking for the exception to this expectation of "fun."

6. Real friends want nothing more than to see you safe, happy, and successful. If they don't have these qualities, they are not your friends. Real friends, come with real benefits.

7. "You look like a good time," is not a compliment. "You look like a good person," is.

8. Your metabolism slows down at 25. In fact... I believe it may actually STOP at 25, so be careful. Midnight McDonald's is no longer on the menu.

9. Your favorite store at the mall will change from "American Eagle" to "Anne Taylor Loft" because low-rise isn't your favorite thing after all. Your wardrobe will be replaced with "mom jeans" whether you like it or not.

10. The things you think you will never outgrow, will be outgrown without you even noticing the change in yourself and the people around you won't notice either. Life long friends will be changing with you.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008


I sometimes stop reading books before I’m actually finished with them.

The plot is usually ruined by my impatience, and so instead of reading them, they sit on a shelf. A stack of characters awaiting my renewed interest in their stories.

Dusty and unmoved, unmoving.

I purchased them, full of hope for distraction. I liked the crisp, clean pages. Corners unfurled with covers unbent.

But where they were once full of questions to be answered, they're now only witness to my flighty nature. Pages of poetry lacking prose when interpreted by me.

Unfinished books.
Endings unread.

Our epilogue, untouched.

Intense Joy

The smallest things can touch a person, especially when they involve children.

A baby falling asleep on your chest.

A friend's little girl who only wants you to put her to bed.

A silly nickname that makes a little one giggle for minutes at a time.

A photo that captures innocence.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Wax Rainbows

I spent some time with my little sister yesterday and we did our usual thing of looking at all her new books, playing with her myriad stuffed bears, and looking at the pictures she'd drawn in her notepad. We played pictionary while discussing pooh bear and attempted a game of basketball in spite of the rain... all the while with moods fluctuating between childhood and impending adolescence.

"Do you think it's weird that I still read books about Pooh?" she asked.

"No way!" I replied. "Pooh's timeless!"

She smirked at my acceptance. 11 on the cusp of 12, she questions what's appropriate for girls her age almost without even realizing it. Asking for my opinion and respecting my ideas on what's "cool" in spite of our 15 year age difference.

But I always encourage her childish nature wholeheartedly while being in no particular hurry for her to grow up.

I don't look forward to the day that she's no longer my biggest fan... even though I'm sure that day will come sooner rather than later.

But as tween-dom approaches, each clue that she hasn't grown up quite yet warms my heart and gives me hope.

Hope that in spite of all of the challenges little girls her age face... the pregnant teen role models and half-dressed tweens in search of attention... that she isn't too eager to be like them.

After a particularly hormonal reaction to being "bored," she showed me a picture she'd colored with crayons... and when I asked what had inspired her to do it, she said it was an assignment from school.

"Yeah," she said," We still color with crayons in sixth grade!!!"

"Really?" I asked. "Do you think that's weird?"

"Well... not really," she replied. "I'm glad we still do."

"Yeah..." I said. "Me too."

Friday, May 16, 2008

Sexless in the city

True sexual freedom, like all freedom, can exist only when the dignity of the human person is recognized. There is no dignity in a society that encourages touching another person’s body but not allowing that person to touch your heart.

Her book is called The Thrill of the Chaste and her name is Dawn Eden.

She's calling all Carrie Bradshaw wannabes to the table and asking them to throw out their little black books in exchange for a big ol' bible.

And while the title intrigued me... the surface of such a topic seemed like one I'd touched upon before. It was a topic worthy of conversation, but one in which I assumed my mind was made up.

Could chastity, really be the only path to finding love?

I pondered it... and I opened my eyes and my mind to the possibility.

Well, at least until I read another interview with this lady and she had THIS to say:

"The real Sex and the City is vomitizing, so I think boring would be an improvement. Mad TV’s Sluts and the City parody was right on the money — “four smart single women in charge of their own lives,” indeed!"

Why is it that advocating chastity and love rather than sex, has to come with a side of judgment and ridicule?

Perhaps it wasn't Eden's former life as a "rock writer" practicing her own sex and the city lifestyle that kept her single, unhappy, or unmarried.

Maybe... JUST maybe... it was her judgmental attitude and feelings of superiority in a world where one decision doesn't always work for everyone.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Bulging issues

As if a woman didn't have enough to worry about on her wedding day, now there is a show that allows them to obsess about their weight in ways a normal woman never should.

Bulging Brides follows foolish women who bought their dresses too sizes too small in the weeks before their wedding on a diet bridal boot camp of sorts.

But what is wrong with these women? And if their obsessions are normal, then why isn't it an hour show dedicated to the bride AND the groom? Where are all the chubby men who foolishly rented their suits the same size as they did for prom?

Oh, that's right.

There's nothing wrong with a fat groom!

He's allowed to eat her portion of the catering samples and cakes. He's allowed to spend the day before the wedding getting drunk with his buddies on full calorie beers, while she sips cautiously at her Bacardi and Diet Coke cancer cocktail. He's allowed to enjoy his big day... comfortably taking it all in, while she hyperventilates in a corset bound too tight for a toddler.

But with an entire industry dedicated to convincing women what they should want and how they should look on their big day... Some women are blinded by desires and can't seem to understand the meaning behind it all.

It's not a day to be a perfect little princess.

It's a day to celebrate the love you share with your chubby husband...
You know, the one who loves your bulging booty enough to marry you.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The benefits of cheating

THIS GUY says that cheating is sometimes beneficial to a relationship.

That once a man conquers his lust, he'll realize just how important love is to him. He claims that even at it's worst, cheating can lead a man to realize his relationship was over long ago and save him from staying in an otherwise bad relationship.

But is it not the cheating what makes the relationship bad?
And can't just the IDEA of satisfying those lustful urges lead someone to understand all that is at stake?

I don't think the deed must be done with the neighbor's wife in order for someone to realize all the benefits of the relationship. But I do understand that taking someone for granted is what may lead a lot of people to find excitement in someone new.

But if it takes cheating to realize what you have... then the old saying is true.

You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.

Because no self-respecting person is going to stick around after they've been the victim of cheating... and gone is all they will be.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Skip the appetizer

“Relationships, like anything else, involve timing. If you’re cooking something, you watch to see when it bubbles and take it off the stove at just the right time. If you wait too long, the pot boils over and the consistency is forever changed. That makes the difference.”

I can't remember where I found the above quote, but I remember that I liked it immediately.

It reminded me of all those girls who wait forever for "the one" to pop the question so they can truly begin their fairytale. The girls, who aren't getting what they want from relationships, but choose to stay in them anyway.

The girls that live in sin, awaiting a ring that may never come.

And while their temperature rises, their patience wanes...
Pots over filled with expectation, they simply go with the motions, heating up for no reason. Expecting to reach the perfect relationship temperature to compliment their recipe for romance.

But what they don't see is that all the expectation and desire in the world isn't enough to create a meal worth eating... a life worth sharing. Because they're not the woman of his dreams, they are the appetizer to his entree, the tapas to his growling stomach.

So while they boil over in a mess of hot tears... their men are waiting patiently on the back burner.

Expecting something better will suit their palates.

Monday, May 12, 2008

A choice

It's funny how we can sometimes trace our present positions in life back to one choice.

One fork in the road that may have caused us damage or heartache.
One decision that brought us to where we are today.

Our lives, our happiness is sometimes contingent on a split second decision.

To say yes, or no.
To leave or to stay.
To come clean or to hide.

No matter how simple or complicated they may be... I hate making decisions.
Accepting that the outcome will be my fault, or my achievement, is sometimes too much for me to handle.

I'd rather not decide where we have dinner, just in case the service isn't up to par.
I'd rather not quit a job, but be fired, regardless of how unhappy I was while working there.
I'd rather not say goodbye to someone... but instead have them say goodbye to me.

Because I need to protect myself from the consequences of my choices.
The heartache, the aftermath of saying "no," or sometimes even worse, saying "yes."

Because with choices, comes blame.

And without a belief in fate... I know that I can only blame myself.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Enough is enough

I ran into someone recently who I often thought of as a person who "settled" for less than she deserved.

She was a bubbly charismatic gem who had found a not so shining knight to spend her life with... and I often wondered why.

A girl who had everything going for her, found a man who wasn't her equal but simply her other half.

And where I once thought that was a shame, and she'd spend her life miserably for sure... I now wonder if maybe she's the one who's thinking clearly. She's the one who has a realistic idea of what love is and will be.

Because her life won't be easy with him.
It won't be "the best" the world has to offer.

But it might still be enough for her.

So while plenty of women have spent years looking for Mr. Perfect, she hasn't wasted any time. She'll have her mate and her marriage and her happily ever after.

And she now has me wondering if being the happiest isn't the most important thing after all...

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Science Fiction

I remember when I used to love science. 4th grade, microscopes and all that jazz.

And then 5th grade happened to me.
And I say TO ME because that’s when the hormones took over, I started looking like the Pillsbury Doughboy "with bangs and bee stings" and I no longer liked science.

I liked boys instead. They became my new assignment and I had no valuable instructor to explain their inner workings to me. But that didn’t prevent me from taking notes… or rather passing them. I passed them and the time so completely absorbed in boys that I nearly failed 5th grade science and I continued to do poorly in it for the rest of my school days.

The periodic table had too many elements to memorize and the thought that I’d ever need to know what an atom “looked like,” was too abstract for me. I wanted something tangible. I wanted something I could understand.

I was spending all of my time with men under the microscope. Looking for behavioral patterns that would save me from heartache. Searching for meaning in the opposite sex.

But I know now that I should have been paying attention. Because maybe then I would have realized that men are a science all their own, and understanding biology was important after all.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Why I'd Rather Elope

As my 26th birthday approaches, my bare ring finger is suddenly sending chills through my parents as they cope with the idea of having an un-wed daughter nearing 30.
And while marriage isn't something I contemplate seriously from day to day, I do think there's one thing other than my single-status that might tick off mom and dad even more.

Like, if I were to elope.

I simply can't deny all the perks of spending my pre-wedding days finding a far away sunset rather than the least expensive corset to wear on my big day...

But that's not the ONLY reason...

1. White is not flattering unless you weight 100 lbs and are 5'8. I do not plan to grow 6 inches or lose _ _ lbs before my wedding day. Save that for the "Bulging Brides" who max out at (gasp!) a size 9.

2. Trying to afford a wedding is more depressing than going to the mall with an empty wallet and a non-existent wardrobe. With all the "YOU SHOULD HAVES" out there, you might end up feeling like a "have not" on your big day.

3. ME ME ME ME ME. There, I said it... Ooops! I mean US US US US US US. This day isn't about anyone else giving up their freedom or sense of identity to become "ONE." So why would I put the expectations of other person above my own... I mean, OUR own.

4. I get stressed out when I have more than one friend to entertain on a Friday night. I can't imagine how it feels to have hundreds of people looking to me for a great time.

5. Party favors are stupid. I've said this 1,000 times, and yet with a traditional wedding I'm still supposed to waste money on them. I'd prefer my own Elvis cake topper to 100 pink M$Ms for all my friends.

6. The ring will be bigger, if the wedding costs less ; )

7. You can avoid having your almost-friends ruin your big day by drinking too much champagne or bringing your ex-boyfriends along as their dates.

And so this list.. will stop at 7.

Not because I have nothing more to say, but because there are so many more reasons, I haven't the time to type them all.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Go ahead and drool

Ladies, this is the one and only time I'll allow you to
look at my man and declare: "WHAT A CUTIE!"
How can I blame you?
I think that same thing every single time
he turns those big brown eyes in my direction.
To prove to you I'm secure enough
to have a sexy man as my arm piece...
I can handle your stares...
Your eyelash fluttering...
Your butt pinching...
Here it is. A photo of him to drool over.
On the count of three,




Let's hear it:


(and honey, next time, don't leave your baby pictures in my purse)

What's Jane Doe to do?

Few people will admit that looks DON'T matter to them when they're looking for a mate.

And while many will agree that "looks aren't everything," physical attraction is obviously important to many healthy relationships.

But what happens when your significant other is SIGNIFICANTLY attractive to OTHER people?

The idea occurred to me when I read the following question in an online advice column:

"My husband is a bodybuilder with a really hot body. He is also good-looking, a nice dresser and quite charismatic. We have a very good relationship. My problem is that many women literally throw themselves at him with me standing right beside him."

So this unfortunate woman deals with a man hot enough to make other women sweat on a daily basis and she's complaining. She can't handle the doe-eyed stares or the flirtations, and she wants them to stop.

But why?
Is it possible for your mate to be too attractive?
Should we expect them to downplay their sexiness once they're committed to us?

While he may be too hot for his wife to handle... the real people to blame are the disrespectful other women, not his bulging biceps.

But what is his wife to do in the mean time?
Should she speak up and complain...
Or keep her mouth shut and enjoy her perfect male specimen from afar, while the other women fawn all over her big-horned buck?

Friday, May 2, 2008

The hair in my latte

The word "brunch" was like an enigma to me.

Although some places served from 10-2, rousing from my weekend slumber and actually leaving the house before 1:30 was impossible.

So you can imagine my delight when I awoke one Saturday morning at 10 a.m., fully rested and ready for my eggs benedict and latte.

We arrived at the restaurant and were greeted by glaring, awful lighting. Someone had left the blinds open and we were awash in a cold, white light that comes early spring only to remind us of that long winter we're trying to put behind us.

This, in itself was enough to ruin my mood. Food at a restaurant is actually secondary to lighting in terms of my enjoyment.

But I would not admit defeat so early in my brunch-venture, so I simply put on my sunglasses and ordered my latte.

It came moments later and I took a BIG swig.


"THIS IS COLD!" I alerted the server.
"Cold?" she asked, her face contorted in a way that suggested she had no idea what the word met.
"Yes," I said, "Ice cold."

She grabbed it, walked away without apology and returned a few minutes later with a creamy-hot-cinnamon-y-mess of delight and I thought brunch had finally been saved.

We chatted and sipped, pretended we didn't look like we were under the lights of a doctor's office and waited for our food.

But JUST as I was finishing my latte, I gasped.

Curled, around the remaining flecks of cinnamon and steamed milk, was a long, black, curly, human hair.

I gagged and I whimpered and I was APPALLED.

"Should we leave?" my date asked.

"YES" I panted between caffeinated breaths of disgust.

"Well, what do we do?" he asked again.

WE? What do WE do?

Well, I thought... I go to the bathroom, rid myself of cinna-hair and YOU go complain about it!

But instead of following through with this, I sauntered to the front desk, asked to see a manager, complained to the server and said we would be leaving. And so out the door we went, brunch free.

"That's terrible," he said. "Is there anything I can do to help you feel better? You want to go somewhere else? You want some water or something?"

I said water would be nice, but I kept my real thoughts to myself.

Because what I wanted, wasn't a new meal or a glass of anything to wash the hair down.

But my brunch-venture had ended without the proper etiquette...

And it wasn't just the hair in my latte that ruined it.