Friday, May 9, 2008

Enough is enough

I ran into someone recently who I often thought of as a person who "settled" for less than she deserved.

She was a bubbly charismatic gem who had found a not so shining knight to spend her life with... and I often wondered why.

A girl who had everything going for her, found a man who wasn't her equal but simply her other half.

And where I once thought that was a shame, and she'd spend her life miserably for sure... I now wonder if maybe she's the one who's thinking clearly. She's the one who has a realistic idea of what love is and will be.

Because her life won't be easy with him.
It won't be "the best" the world has to offer.

But it might still be enough for her.

So while plenty of women have spent years looking for Mr. Perfect, she hasn't wasted any time. She'll have her mate and her marriage and her happily ever after.

And she now has me wondering if being the happiest isn't the most important thing after all...


Chrissie said...

"don't settle" <- we've all heard it a thousand times.

but is there shame in being happy, if you know it's not your happiest? or can you simply enjoy the smooth sailing of almost-perfect?

Vanessa said...

If you're already truly happy, is there reason to ponder if you could be happier? Aren't you already there?

I'm not sure how I feel about the "dont settle" advice. Does that mean dont marry someone that isnt your dream man with personality, good looks, AND money?

What if your dream man doesn't exist? Then you're supposed to be alone the rest of your life and never know the joys of having your own family?

If you're with someone that you love and makes you happy, then it isnt settling.

I find that the majority of people that dole out this "dont settle" advice are the ones that married their first boyfriend, and never experienced true love.

The kind of "dont settle like I did, cause then you'll spend the rest of your life wondering if you missed out on something" advice.

I think when you truly love someone then there is no wonder. You KNOW you're not missing anything at all. You already have it. :)

vanessa said...

We all have high expectations of who people should be with, especially the people we care about-- but we're always outside looking in. We cant really judge what other people have, because we really dont know what they're feeling for each other.

If you spend enough time with a couple eventually you'll pick up on if they have something or not. It's in the body language and the glances they give each other.

Chrissie said...

you asked a lot of questions in your first comment vanessa, and those are the questions i was pondering myself...

and i have to agree that a lot of the "don't settle" advice comes from those who feel they have settled... but aren't they the ones who are entitled to give out that sort of advice?

but i think you hit the nail on the head when you said:

We cant really judge what other people have, because we really dont know what they're feeling for each other.

maybe this "ms. perfect" has found her prince charming... just because he hasn't charmed me doesn't mean she's settling.

vanessa said...

"maybe this "ms. perfect" has found her prince charming... just because he hasn't charmed me doesn't mean she's settling."


I know plenty of people think that about my fiancee. But they're also the people that haven't taken the time to get to know him.

Anonymous said...

You're friend could probably care less what you think. At least she doesn't obsess daily about every little foible, flaw and hiccup in her relationship.

Chrissie said...

1. i never said she was a 'friend.'

2. if she "could care less," that means she cares. the correct phrase is "couldn't care less," which implies she hasn't the time/energy to care about such things, she could not care any LESS than she does. if she COULD care less, (as you said) that means she cares at least somewhat, which isn't what i think you were trying to say.

3. regardless, i think that if i had called her a friend, that friends do care somewhat what their other friends think, whether they admit it or not. that's why they leave some things out and share others, they want those they care about, to like the other people they care about.

4. if you were referring to me and my seemingly "daily obsessions" about my relationship, i can only say this...

this, is a relationship blog.
this, has never been coined a work of "non-fiction."
this, is about discussion, issues, and complaints that arise in everyday relationships for everyone.

no one wants to hear the truth as it pertains to me and my relationship. which, at this moment can be summed up with one word: flawless.

now let's see how many people would like to read the blog of "Chrissie's daily affirmations and positive views on love."

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the grammar lesson. So she's not a friend and you're just judgemental. By the way, sentences begin with capital letters and text symbols belong in a 14 year old girls text messages.
As an aside, people generally get what they deserve when it comes to relationships and that includes mistakes which lead to breakups which lead to them finding "the perfect one."

Chrissie said...

you're welcome. "could care less" is actually a commonly misused expression... but one that holds no meaning when used incorrectly.

perhaps i can be judgmental, as i think most people can... but there is also a difference in "judging someone" and simply trying to "interpret their behavior."

in this instance, i wasn't saying "shame on her," but rather, "maybe she's got the right idea," which isn't unfavorable given the context.