Friday, May 23, 2008

A price

"I was propositioned yesterday."

"What do you mean?"

"A man asked me to dinner... a stranger, after an hour's worth of conversation, wanted to buy me a meal and get to know me."

"Well, what did you say?"

"I have a boyfriend, what do you THINK I said?"

The proposition itself allowed for a momentary boost to the ego and an interesting story to tell. It wasn't until later on, after retelling it a few times that it hit me.

If a woman finds the one, and lives happily ever after...

She will never again, be able to say yes to dinner with a stranger. Forget the "affairs" of the heart or the hormones that one must say goodbye to. Once Ms. Perfect finds her Mister, he will be her only dinner date. Ever.

"Wow, I'd never thought of it that way..." I stammered.

"Well, maybe it's not so bad," said my friend. "Maybe just the offer will be good enough."

Apparently, the dinner check will forever be split in the same two ways.
An offer always refused.
A flirtation never leading to anything more.

Ahh... I realized.
The price of love.


Chrissie said...

Is this a price worth paying? Or again the downside to monogamy?

vanessa said...

For me I've never been a fan of "dinner with strangers". The whole "getting to know you" phase is somewhat awkward and exhausting.

That's probably why I've never been interested in the bar/club single scene and blind dates. Everyone trying to impress complete strangers, hoping ONE of them will find you appealing enough to try and get drunk and take home.

But that's probably also why I was single with not a single date for the span of 3 years.

So for me, I have no problem at all knowing that my only dinner date for the rest of my life will be my best friend, and soon to be husband.

But its definitely a good feeling/ ego booster when you get the opportunity to turn those "propositions" down.

vanessa said...

It's funny. It wasnt until I was seeing someone that other men started "propostioning" me.

Anonymous said...

This is coming from a guy's point of view so keep that in mind. I think that a funny thing, which is often overlooked, is the guy's side- specifically to go out on the limb and request the dinner “to get to know you”. Some situations ignored (being new to town, a new co-worker, witness protection…) guys look for some sort of indication or sign from the lady before requesting the date. It is no longer the 5th grade “do you like me- check yes or no” to the most popular chick in class. The situation may start off fairly random but in the end you basically shot down the guy and worse it’s not because he wasn’t funny, cute or whatever else girls say they like. The guy usually took the flirtatious clues and now you probably came across as a tease, which he will not let you know, but will write in his journal or tell his mother once arriving home.

As for the real question at hand- “Is this a price worth paying? Or again the downside to monogamy?” I will have to say it is dependent on a couple different criteria. 1) On age, lets face it the odds of you getting asked out for casual dinner probably peaks out in your early to mid twenties… By the time you’re 40 you’re probably looking for anyone to play scrabble, microwave some hungry mans, and guess jeopardy with. 2) The guy your with. If you have Mr. Right than it shouldn’t matter if guys ask you out you should be happy at home. If your not with Mr. Right than you are settling and that’s probably not the path you want to trend, unless you look back at number 1 then your locked in, better than being the weird cat lady. 3) Goes hand and hand with number 2, the guy that is asking. I really am happy with Johnny boy, it was just a compliment to get asked out by Hanz. Then do you keep thinking about what would have happened if you did go to Aspen with Hanz to spend his father’s inheritance while on a huge Yacht (and yes the do have huge Yacht’s in Aspen… google it). Then again, truth be told we all know you would leave your men in a drop of a pin if you got asked out by- . In closing it’s worth paying if your old or are truly happy with your man (as long as mystery doesn’t come a knocking).

Chrissie said...

ahh... vanessa. a few points where we differ.

you find the "getting to know you phase" awkward and exhausting, while i find it exciting and fun. although sometimes awkward, it's those first moments of finding someone new and clicking with them that make for great stories later and great relationships.

also, i don't think the only place to meet new people and or get propositioned for dates/dinner is the "singles scene." although it happens a lot there, it can happen in other more natural places as well. like say... while you're working on an assignment and intermingling with people within your professional field or there was the one time i was asked for a date while in a restaurant, apparently the server fancied me.

and in response to anon's comment, i'm going to quote my sister...

I think even when you have found the one, your gonna miss dating, and the excitement of meeting someone new and the butterflies when you first fall in love, and I also think like any decision, you will always wonder what if... its only when the questioning and yearning for something different seems much more appealing then what you have that you may also have a problem.

Mario said...

I disagree with Anonymous. It's not clear that you led him on. Men are optimists, and truthfully, you gals are so hard to read in the first place that a lot of men take a gamble on anything that might be a sign.

After a friendly lunch once, I met a girl for the second time. She told me "the strangest thing" happened -- she had a dream that she met my mother. I took that as a sign that she might like me, and kissed her later that evening.

It seemed a bit crazy, but it turned out she did like me. And if I had been wrong, so what?

Often there's not much else to go on.

Gman said...

If you see it as the "price" of love, maybe it ain't love, or at least the love we have been conditioned to seek.

If you see it as the "dividend" of love, then,'s not really an issue.

Chrissie said...

i have to agree with your mario, i don't think a woman has to lead someone on in order for them to ask her out.

sometimes simple conversation is misconstrued as flirtation... so what's a gal to do? never talk to strangers?

although, i must say that i think flirting is harmless and sometimes fun. if it leads to a declined date or being labeled a "tease" then that's fine with me too... there are far worse things to be;)