Monday, May 5, 2008

What's Jane Doe to do?

Few people will admit that looks DON'T matter to them when they're looking for a mate.

And while many will agree that "looks aren't everything," physical attraction is obviously important to many healthy relationships.

But what happens when your significant other is SIGNIFICANTLY attractive to OTHER people?

The idea occurred to me when I read the following question in an online advice column:

"My husband is a bodybuilder with a really hot body. He is also good-looking, a nice dresser and quite charismatic. We have a very good relationship. My problem is that many women literally throw themselves at him with me standing right beside him."

So this unfortunate woman deals with a man hot enough to make other women sweat on a daily basis and she's complaining. She can't handle the doe-eyed stares or the flirtations, and she wants them to stop.

But why?
Is it possible for your mate to be too attractive?
Should we expect them to downplay their sexiness once they're committed to us?

While he may be too hot for his wife to handle... the real people to blame are the disrespectful other women, not his bulging biceps.

But what is his wife to do in the mean time?
Should she speak up and complain...
Or keep her mouth shut and enjoy her perfect male specimen from afar, while the other women fawn all over her big-horned buck?


vanessa said...

Well it doesn't seem like the husband is doing anything wrong. It would be different if she said he would flirt with other women in front of her and so on.

She's just being disrespected by desperate women. She cant really tell her husband he needs to stop bodybuilding because shes jealous of the attention he gets.

She said herself that they have a good relationship, and obviously he married HER and not those other women because she has something they dont.

If I were her the next time some woman came on to him, I'd be like excuse me, he's with me! Buh-bye now, have a nice day.

sarah said...

Can your committed, faithful, loving, trustworthy mate ever be too attractive?

Vanessa said...

The only time they become too attractive is when they're found attractive by many other attractive women, and one day you're afraid he'll be more attracted to another woman more arractive than you.

They're too attractive when just looking at them makes you feel self conscious and unattractive.

Chrissie said...

i don't think i've ever encountered a man who was "too attractive" although i've dated men who other women find attractive and have flirted with, and fawned all over.

i don't think it says anything about the man or my tastes.. it just says things about the women who are being inappropriate.

a guy can't be "too attractive," for me, but he can be "too much" of a flirt for sure.

i think with big biceps sometimes comes a big head, so the issues with that aren't about looks anymore...

Jared said...

This story sounds exaggerated. Unless it's 3am at a bar I haven't seen women 'throwing themselves' at a man who has a wedding band on and is clearly with that person. I would guess that this happened a couple of times and really ticked the woman off so she writes a letter making it seem like her daily life is an Axe body spray commercial.

Chrissie said...

while it does resemble the ax commercials, i know a few girls who like to flirt with men simply because they are taken.

so a handsome taken man is bait for these insecure women... and trust me it does happen from time to time.

Jared said...

Either way 95% of men see their girlfriend or wife get hit on more than them, so welcome to our world.

sarah said...

cougars do, jared!


one day you're afraid he'll be more attracted to another woman more attractive than you.

that's not his issue, it's yours.
a man who is trustworthy can have all the sex appeal in the world and cause his woman no worries. But she has to have confidence. She needs to say "they have a great marriage" and actually believe it.

with that said, it's human nature to have SOME insecurities. SOME. but those should be labeled for what they are. And blame should rest within. Not on the sex appeal of your mate.

Anonymous said...

a lot of times people (men and women alike) flirt with those who are "taken" simply because they know it can't go any further. the flirtation seems inappropriate and "naughty", which makes it alluring, but in the end is rather innocent and expectationless.

in the end it is the responsibility of the "taken" to draw the line and make sure that line is not crossed. this aspect of the flirtation feeds into the unencumbered freedom felt by the flirter, making them ever more bold in their pursuit.

but i wouldn't blame the flirter, or call them "insecure". such name-calling seems itself like manifest insecurity. if the relationship itself is secure, then the flirting should not be problem.