Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Why I'd Rather Elope

As my 26th birthday approaches, my bare ring finger is suddenly sending chills through my parents as they cope with the idea of having an un-wed daughter nearing 30.
And while marriage isn't something I contemplate seriously from day to day, I do think there's one thing other than my single-status that might tick off mom and dad even more.

Like, if I were to elope.

I simply can't deny all the perks of spending my pre-wedding days finding a far away sunset rather than the least expensive corset to wear on my big day...

But that's not the ONLY reason...

1. White is not flattering unless you weight 100 lbs and are 5'8. I do not plan to grow 6 inches or lose _ _ lbs before my wedding day. Save that for the "Bulging Brides" who max out at (gasp!) a size 9.

2. Trying to afford a wedding is more depressing than going to the mall with an empty wallet and a non-existent wardrobe. With all the "YOU SHOULD HAVES" out there, you might end up feeling like a "have not" on your big day.

3. ME ME ME ME ME. There, I said it... Ooops! I mean US US US US US US. This day isn't about anyone else giving up their freedom or sense of identity to become "ONE." So why would I put the expectations of other person above my own... I mean, OUR own.

4. I get stressed out when I have more than one friend to entertain on a Friday night. I can't imagine how it feels to have hundreds of people looking to me for a great time.

5. Party favors are stupid. I've said this 1,000 times, and yet with a traditional wedding I'm still supposed to waste money on them. I'd prefer my own Elvis cake topper to 100 pink M$Ms for all my friends.

6. The ring will be bigger, if the wedding costs less ; )

7. You can avoid having your almost-friends ruin your big day by drinking too much champagne or bringing your ex-boyfriends along as their dates.

And so this list.. will stop at 7.

Not because I have nothing more to say, but because there are so many more reasons, I haven't the time to type them all.


Anonymous said...

"almost-friend"? is that somewhere between "friend" and "acquaintance", or between "friend" and "i resent you so much i don't even know why i talk to you anymore, all i can think about when i see you is how you wronged me, but we've been friends for so long and it's convenient enough for me so if you don't have a problem with my brooding resentment that i keep just under the surface then i'm okay with it too"?

Chrissie said...

i think an almost friend could be either... one obviously being much more severe than the other.

i have a lot of almost-friends from both ends of the spectrum i think.

i wonder though, why you skimmed over the humor in 1-6 and commented only on the possibly negative message behind number 7.

i, meant for all of it to be funny.

Anonymous said...

because number 7 was the interesting one. because it seemed so in discordance with the previous 6. like you were slipping in a jab and then covering it up with, "but look, i just meant for it to be funny, like the others..."

i am just trying to be playfully combative. challenging, if you will.

:) <--- (a smiley to take the edge off)

Chrissie said...

well in that case...


vanessa said...

How do you determine whether your an almost friend?

vanessa said...

It's funny. I agree with your countdown 100%. But I still do want the wedding. hehe.

sarah said...

You look into your conscience and see if there's anything to feel guilty about.

Anonymous said...

touche... ;)


(that is the smiley of a non-smoker coughing in disgust on second-hand smoke).

Stan Alam said...

I like how you're positive and professional with your blog. You get a star.

Stan Alam said...

Would you guys ever accept me as a blogger? would that be cool?

Chrissie said...

Thanks Stan, we try to get people involved and controversy works best for that, but it's important to not put anyone off as well.

And who knows... with more compliments and comments we may just add you along as a contributor:)

Anonymous said...

i agree with your list. Id elope in a heartbeat. I think weddings are rediculous, antiquated, sexist (and Im a man) and they often end up being for the guests more than the couple; which I guess is in fact the purpose of a reception, but nevertheless im for eloping.
And since my family sucks so bad, I dont want my lovely wife (whoever she may be) stuck in the same room with them for more than 10 minutes.
Let's elope!!!