Friday, July 18, 2008

If Men Planned the Wedding...

1. The "open bar" would be replaced with a few kegs and plastic party cups. Not only does it save money, but it's much easier for him to do his "party dance" after a few "brewskies" and a keg stand.

2. The bride wouldn't be wearing white... and not because he doesn't think she's pure (he surely knows it)... She would instead be wearing black because her man wants her to look slim and sexy, not like a pristine piece of furniture.

3. The guests wouldn't throw rice or blow bubbles after the ceremony/reception. Instead they would be throwing dollar bills. (While the more traditionally items have their place, men would be more concerned with the cost of the day than doing what is expected of them).

4. The cake would be made into the shape of a woman's breast rather than a tiered piece of confection perfection. He'll surely be mourning the loss of his bachelorhood by this time in the party, and a little bit of ogling might make him feel like his old self.

5. The best man would be his buddy from college that knows "all about his sexual past" rather than the bride's brother, who must be included to ensure that the groomsmen are all of the same stature (for the sake of the pictures, of course).

6. The ceremony would be skipped in favor of a toast and the reception would last an extra hour.

7. Your parents. Would not. Be invited.

8. Instead of a firm handshake as the father of the bride 'gives her away,' the groom would be able to pat him on the back and say "Thanks buddy, I've been looking for someone to do my dishes for quite some time!"

9. The "under garments" for the wedding gown would consist of dental floss and pasties, rather than a full body spandex suit.

10. __________________________________________.

You tell me, how else might things be different if we left it to the men and put the Bridezillas in their place???


Anonymous said...

they wouldn't be there

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, but I find this post a little.. ok a lot sexist. My finance read this too. He wasn't happy. Right now he is working 12 hour days, 6 days a week to help pay for our eventual wedding- a wedding HE can't wait for, a wedding HE has spent a lot of time and thought planning. And I'll tell you, his ideas for the wedding are not low-brow, slutty, or trashy. He is a gentleman, and he wants the event to be classy (as I do too). It's one thing if you want to write about a particular male that you know, but to generalize like this- its just as bad to be sexist towards men as it is to be towards women. If you keep labeling men and expecting them to fit into that label as rude, sex-obssessed, classless idiots you can expect more of them will find it easier to become just that rather than fight the stereotype.

Chrissie said...

I'm sorry you were offended... but it was meant to be a joke, and it was meant to amplify stereotypes.

Satire seems to be entirely misunderstood as of late (ex: NYTimes Magazine picturing Obama).

Stereotypes do exist for men and women, and some are completely unfounded while others might be rooted in truth... This was simply a silly post to get people talking, so I'm glad to see you were at least moved enough to comment.

I commend your husband for being a classy man who works hard for this special day and I'm sure there are a ton of other men out there doing the very same thing.

(But trust me, if this post were about "one man" in particular instead of the generalized version that it is, I would have an entirely different sort of commentator to deal with, the kind who "Can't believe I would say such a thing about such and such in a public forum.").

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for responding! Believe it or not I "get" the joke-I guess my main point is- jokes, not matter how "funny" perpetuate stereotypes. You might also find this hard to believe, but I am not easily offended. I guess sexism really strikes a nerve with me, and I'm sure with many other women as well. I am a woman who has never fit the "womanly" stereotype, I'm the bread winner in my family, I'm in a largely male profession... the list goes on. I hope I at least suceeded in making you or some of your readers think twice about the acceptability of common sterotypes.

Yuki said...

Having just stumbled upon your blog, I am having perhaps too much fun reading it.


My current (and only) boyfriend's parents run a catering business, so he's see plenty of weddings...And the sad part - I'd be fine just eloping, he actually wants something to happen. How we're going to mesh the whole interracial thing, I don't know, but I do know one thing - if he wants it, he can plan it.

By the way, if he gets a cake shaped like a breast, can we put up an "r-rated" sign and have a bachelorette cake shaped like a penis?

And how would things be different...? Well, according to my idiot, we'll have a rave during the reception (the parents will magically disappear) and much videogaming. No keg - he doesn't like alcohol, but plenty of energy drinks (Monster, preferably). And we wouldn't leave for the honeymoon until dawn xD

Chrissie said...

I'm glad you're enjoying it Yuki, and your humorous sentiments are appreciated!

I think the "R-Rated" sign is a must, as is that bachelorette cake!

And anon, sexism really strikes a nerve with me too, when it's used maliciously at least.

I think you'd be hard-pressed to find a comedian who doesn't rely on some sexist or even racist jokes from time to time.

And while not all "potty humor" is funny, and sometimes those very comedians tick me off as well, sometimes they are what they are, and that's just funny.