Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Son of A

Maybe you can't judge a book by its cover...
But you can judge a man by the way he treats his mother.

If he relies on her for his meals, his laundry, and a freshly made bed, he will expect the same from you. If he makes her cry because he's frustrated, expect tears in your future. And if he hasn't spoken to her in years, expect to one day fill her shoes.

But if these are all the bad signs when it comes to finding and loving a bad boy who can't respect his own mother... what are the GOOD signs we can look for?

1. He talks to her.
Maybe not everyday, or even every week, but a man who can hold intelligent, thoughtful conversations with his mother has respect for her and her opinions.

2. He helps her, and expects nothing in return.
He realizes that she used to feed him and take care of him, and he wants to return the favor as best he can by helping her when her car won't start or when she needs an extra hand.

3. He appreciates her.
After a thoughtful meal, he thanks her and offers to help clean up.

4. He respects her.
He's the anti-chauvinist. Derogatory words for women aren't a part of his vocabulary and he realizes that most women are someones mother, or sister, women worthy of understanding before being judged.

5. He knows she's his mother, and not his keeper.
While he appreciates her help and parenting, he can stand on his own two feet, being another adult in her world rather than a child-like man in need of more parenting.

Can a mother-son relationship tell you what's in store for your romantic future, or like books, must we discover what's on the inside before passing judgment?


Yuki said...

Oh dear. It looks like Chris is gonna get an e-mail from me, with all the accusations of how I'm going to be stuck with lazy, selfish pig. Because I finally found my source. (Teasingly, of course)

So the question is, does the inverse hold true? Can a man judge a woman by the way she treats her father? Do the women who begged "Daddy, can I have ---" beg their boyfriends? Do the ones who locked themselves in their rooms and locked their mouths to their parents lock their hearts to their husbands? What, exactly, does that say about me? What does it say about a young woman who gets frustrated over her father's hypocrisies (that are really perhaps slips of the mind), who cannot make him understand that "you don't listen to me" isn't the cue to start lecturing, who uses her entire arsenal of logic, sarcasm, and anger when things go wrong?

Sometimes I'm afraid that men will finally change, as a majority, toward thoughfulness and, well, pickiness about mates. Because sometimes I don't like what I am, even when I can't stop.

Anonymous said...

You guys haven't posted anything about this lately, but what about a cheating guy? How are you to see that in how he treats his mother? I knew this terrific guy, treated his mother like gold and it turns out he was a scumbag.

Then, what does it say about a person who's supposed to be your friend, when she knows (or has heard) he's cheating, but doesn't tell you? Do you ditch her too?

Sorry, didn't know where this fit in. :)

pablo said...


Chrissie said...

Yuki... I've often wondered if you can judge a woman by the way she treats her father, and I think to a certain extent, you can.

If she is prone to being "Daddy's little girl" and getting everything she wants, I really think there is a chance she'll expect the same from her man... I've seen my share of girls who live at home until their nearly 30, being "taken care of" by their parents, and they are just looking for the next person to "take over the payments" <-- that phrase is actually a quote from my father. He and I have a pretty decent relationship now, adolescence wasn't so easy, but I think I'm more accepting of those things he does that I don't entirely agree with, because I see he's trying as best he knows how to. And honestly, I think that will follow through into my relationship with my man... I think I'll be more understanding of his traits that aren't a mirror image of my own.

I think it's normal to get frustrated over someone's hipocrisies, and I think it's especially true of a father-daughter relationship. But I think it does say something about how that woman will treat her future husband and the father of her children, I think she'll handle similar arguments in a similar way... until she learns to accept him (men) for who they are rather than who she wants them to be.

Chrissie said...

and anon... as far as a cheater treating his mother kindly, i think a man who treats his mother extremely well, one who holds her in the highest regard and who would likely choose her over his own partner/wife/girlfriend in an argument that doesn't exactly involve mom, might be just the type to cheat.

now i'm not saying that a man who is nice to his mom is a cheater, i'm just saying that it's important to determine whether or not a man respects the woman he is with as much as his mother... some might love mommy so much that no other woman can compare.