Tuesday, July 1, 2008

When the one that you want, doesn't want you

Hmm, I thought. This looks good. Haven't heard this one in a long time. Years in fact.

I slid the CD into the player and immediately remembered the track number of my old favorite, number 10.

As the tune started, I expected to be overcome by the familiar sounds, sure that the lyrics would come back to me with each verse, not knowing the words beforehand but knowing my body, on autopilot, would sing along without a glitch.

And it did.

But my emotions also seemed to be without deliberate effort, and I immediately realized why I hadn't listened to that CD in so long.

Because the lyrics fit well with the time my heart was completely broken, each verse an argument we'd never overcome, each line a better version of his "I'm not in love with you."

Yet, instead of turning it off. I turned it up. Attempting to numb myself to the old emotions. Sure they would dissipate and the ballad, would be for me, what it was for everyone else. A silly love song with a great intensity.

But I listened. I sang along. And I cried.

Realizing that although the time had passed and I had healed...

Our cadence could never erase the song's crescendo.

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