Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Single-Speak

Some of the raunchiest conversations I’ve had have been with my single gal friends. And I, as a single gal, could be quite… how do you say… crass.

No topic was too risqué for a night out. The contents of the drawer near my bed were as known among my closest friends as my very own phone number.

They really knew me.
And so they knew him as well.

Him being, whatever man I was dating at the time.

His awkward voice mails were played on speaker phone over cocktails and we would ponder the meaning of each bated breath together.

“Hi Chrissie… this is ________. I couldn’t find my phone last night, I was so wasted. But you left me a cute message, I’ll talk to you later. Buh bye.”

My friends were there to help me decipher the meaning his breath-y “buh bye.” They assured me that “too drunk last night” meant a crazy night at the sport’s pub with his GUY friends, and not a sexy night at home with a girl. Who. Wasn’t. Me.

They were there to coach me through the hardest times a single girl can face, which oddly seem to come only when a single gal is actively dating.

But while my casual life was no secret, my love life always was.

Because each time I really cared… no one knew about it.
Those voice mails were just for me to listen to.

After months of coupled-conversation, it turned out, a real love life isn’t made up of myriad questions.

Instead it’s just the answers.

Answers like yes, I love you too.
Answers that make all those years of dating and questions worth it.

Because the one, is for you only.

And all those other guys were just good conversation.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I completely agree with you here.
I am curious to know though, is it the same way with most men? Do they tell their guy friends intimate details of thier relationships? Or do they keep the locker-room talk to the one night stands?

Chrissie said...

i've wondered the same thing anon...

i know my guy friends have shared intimate details with me about women. whether it's their actual girlfriends or more casual encounters, i sometimes know WAY more than i want to.

but i tend to think that women might be a little more closed mouths about the stuff that counts... only our male readers can tell us for sure though.

Jared said...

Not about somebody that might actually meet your friends.

jake said...

no. we don't tell each other details about relationships and intimacy whether love's involved or not. we're much more likely to tell a girlfriend or a female friend than each other--keep in mind, we have layers of machismo in the way. even the traditional locker talk is generic and hidden in lore.

as for the awkward voicemail being played for a room full of laughter??!! now you understand why we don't call when we say we're going to call ... y'all don't have to wonder anymore. :)

Chrissie said...

ahh! jake! i knew i'd be in trouble when i mentioned the fun-for-all voicemail replay...

i wondered what role the layers of machismo might play in this sort of scenario... considering as a former "SINGLE AND LOVING IT" gal, i feel i sometimes need to curb my own enthusiasm for true love. my friends seem to miss the crass, pessimistic humor:)

Sten said...

Thank you, Jake, for shedding some light on that mystery ;).

I agree with Jared. I tend to be more tight-lipped when it comes to some one my friends know, but will talk more openly about past men they'll never meet.
Now, there is something to be said for getting a friend's thoughts on a vague message or mysterious behavior. I like to get a second opinion before I jump to conclusions.

Chrissie said...

Yes Sten! And that's mostly what my post was about... those moments when you can't read men or their actions and need a friend's input.

And as the post says... I've found that the more promising relationships don't involve so much questioning...

Yuki said...

I can't say I've experienced it. I apparently got really lucky and found The One on my first try. And the conversations we have...well, I'm extremely curious about everything and he's a guy.

However.

I've had to coach, as an "experienced" girl, one of my friends. I guess we're too serious to joke about our men...though sometimes I want to be able to sit down and have girl-time with her. I want to be kept up to date on what's going on with her and her love life, I want to get viewpoints I don't have.

For example, what makes you find a man who'll drink himself silly and piss you off by flirting with some bimbo? That sort of stuff - because I know I've got it great and I don't want to go into the field myself.