Monday, October 20, 2008

First kisses

I don't think there is anything more terrifying than that split second before a first kiss.

Do you grab the back of his head and pull him to you?
Do you back away a bit and make 'em come get it?
... or are you like me and just stand there trying not to fall down?

I usually think of myself as a confident and fearless woman. I used to hustle Albanian drug dealers at pool when I lived in Italy. I was escorted at gun point off the pyramids in Egypt. Almost nothing fazes me ... Yet I just stood there willing my unreliable knees not to buckle.

Why do I get so rattled at the close proximity of a man? How is a heated debate so much more enticing than enthusiastically agreeing with someone? It amazes me how "chemistry" – a word rooted in science can be so random and unpredictable.

But then, we kiss and the nervousness passes. The brain quiets, the body takes over and for a few fabulous moments I stop thinking and start just feeling.

We shyly say good night, and after crawling into bed, I can still feel his hand in my hair and smell him on my skin.

Falling asleep, I chuckle over that first awkward kiss ... with not a care for what might happen next. Which is rare for me ... always worried about consequences and being in control. But, I guess when you finally decide just to live in the moment, tomorrow becomes too far away to matter.

1 comment:

Chrissie said...

I sometimes wonder if there is anything more exciting than a first kiss.

It's actually on my list of "things I miss about being single." Not in a "I gotta get out and get me some kissing!" kind of away, but in looking back on fond memories kind of way... like high school... like first boyfriends... like all the other perfect moments you don't even realize are the one's you'll never forget.