Monday, October 20, 2008
I don't think there is anything more terrifying than that split second before a first kiss.
Do you grab the back of his head and pull him to you?
Do you back away a bit and make 'em come get it?
... or are you like me and just stand there trying not to fall down?
I usually think of myself as a confident and fearless woman. I used to hustle Albanian drug dealers at pool when I lived in Italy. I was escorted at gun point off the pyramids in Egypt. Almost nothing fazes me ... Yet I just stood there willing my unreliable knees not to buckle.
Why do I get so rattled at the close proximity of a man? How is a heated debate so much more enticing than enthusiastically agreeing with someone? It amazes me how "chemistry" – a word rooted in science can be so random and unpredictable.
But then, we kiss and the nervousness passes. The brain quiets, the body takes over and for a few fabulous moments I stop thinking and start just feeling.
We shyly say good night, and after crawling into bed, I can still feel his hand in my hair and smell him on my skin.
Falling asleep, I chuckle over that first awkward kiss ... with not a care for what might happen next. Which is rare for me ... always worried about consequences and being in control. But, I guess when you finally decide just to live in the moment, tomorrow becomes too far away to matter.