Friday, October 31, 2008

Halloween envy

You know ... Halloween is the one time of year that I REALLY want to just borrow someone's kids. Not so much because seeing the little tykes run around in their cute little costumes brings on uncontrollable maternal instincts (Though, if I have kids I'd be so excited to get them believing in the Boogeyman then hide under their beds at night and grab at their limbs while they sleep. That will teach 'em to question Mama Sten)

But, no, I want to adopt-for-a-day so I get in on their sweet stash.

For some reason I will never comprehend, our society looks down on a grown woman going trick-or-treating ... even if she's wearing her "sexy" pilot costume. Am I not human too? If my blood sugar is low, do I not want candy? And it is such a wonderful way to get to know your neighbors. As in, how stingy they are.

Or generous - I remember when I was a kid there was a house that gave out dollar bills. That would be my first stop now .... and 10th and 11th.... That was a treat that kept on treating.


Anonymous said...

You could just buy a big bag of your favorite candy with the pretense of handing it out to the neighborhood kids only to lock your door, turn out the lights, and sit down to a marathon of the best (or worst depending on how you look at it) horror films of the past two decades.

Of course, there are other methods. My personal favorite is to sit in a chair on the porch with the bowl of candy. Wear coveralls, a flannel shirt, and wide brimmed hat stuffed with straw to make yourself look like a scarecrow. Cut a hole in the bottom of the candy bowl large enough for your hand to fit through comfortably, and sit completely still when you hear kids approaching. Then, as they reach to fill their bags with all the candy their grubby little hands can grab, reach up through the bowl and grab them by the wrist. They toss the bag in the air, wet themselves, and flee in terror. (though not necessarily in that order) You then get to pick through the candy that they left when they dropped their bags at your leisure, allowing you to skip the crappy stuff like lifesavers suckers and fruit-flavored tootsie rolls, and Dots.

Chrissie said...

I went trick or treating with my younger sister and I ended up with a BIG BAG OF CANDY! No one questioned my age, and I was sure to only trick the dimly lit porch steps. Those that had their fluorescent lights on I didn't dare go up to... but the others were too busy looking at the cute LITTLE kids to care how old I was.