Friday, October 10, 2008

Make your move

A friend (female) said to me, "I don't call boys. If they like me, they have to call me."

I replied, "You are ridiculous."

Why should the guy do all the leg work, ladies? I bet you always put "Ken" in the driver's seat of your "Barbie" convertible too.

I think dating Рand wooing Рshould go both ways. Men need encouragement. They need to feel wanted and desired as much women do. Not to mention, being honest and upfront with your feelings takes a hell of a lot more courage than shyly looking away. At the very least, the man will feel flattered and respect your candor. If he doesn't, he isn't worth your time anyway. I know that sounds clich̩, but really, who wants to date a bag of feminine cleanser? Not me.

Granted, I used to be a lot more forward than I am now ... I'm getting old and my legs are tired from chasing. But I do know from experience how attractive a little feminine aggression can be to a guy. And, as "tired" as I may be, if I want to get to know some one better, I won't coyly hide it.

So all you little prisses out there, listen up: Put your "Barbie" in the driver's seat and go make your move.


Yuki said...

Hey, give me a break. I was fifteen at the time and any flirtation I made in his direction wasn't getting through. It took about six months before he decided to find out more about me and another month or so before we started dating.

And he called me first >>''

But he was and is my first boyfriend, so I would like to say I have a legit excuse. Now I'll say how I feel about someone - good or bad - very bluntly. Although sometimes, that doesn't work either.

Sten said...

As always, Yuki, you make a good point.
I just know that for me, I stay interested when I feel it reciprocated. When a guy is hot then cold with me I get bored pretty quickly. I imagine it is the same for guys in general.

Anonymous said...

Sten's right in the aspect that reciprocation is essential to the dating process, but most guys also enjoy the "thrill of the chase" so to speak. That doesn't mean you have to be a submissive little rabbit, but chances are that if a girl takes total control of the situation with a guy that is interested in her, he's either going to think she's a little psycho or he's going to turn out to be someone that has no backbone what-so-ever. Does that mean the girl shouldn't pursue the guy? Of course not. But does that mean that she should feel compelled take complete control of the situation? That is a resounding NO. Of course, the guy shouldn't have to take control either. As Sten pointed out, it's the reciprocation that counts.

thecodemachine said...

If women really want a guy don't hesitate to call us, for this reason.

In a good week, I get 3-4 phone numbers. My phone is literally 80% full of phone numbers of women I just met. 50% of those phone numbers are women who have boyfriends "other guys", or even husbands that I don't want to have to deal with. And the other 30% are women who just want to ride in your nice car. Filtering these numbers are worthless.

But if I get called first just once I know that you want a serious nice relationship and is not wasting my time.

Sten said...

You sound like quite the stud with a heart of gold, "Code."

I think people spend so much time waiting and wondering when a simple phone call would clear things up.

Thanks for your input.

Chrissie said...

I think it's all about doing what feels right. Sometimes it feels right to make the first move, and sometimes you need to test the waters and see how interested the other person is.

From personal experience, I think guys like it when you let them know you're interested, and then back off a tiny bit.

The last time I met a guy out, as our conversation wound down I said, "I think this is when you're supposed to ask for my number."

And he did.
And he called.
And I returned that call... 2 days later:)

Sten said...

Ooooh the two day rule. I HATE that. If you are both interested, why should you wait two days? If I like you, I WANT to hear from you. If I'm not interested, that won't change in two days.

Chrissie said...

Ah! The 2 Day/3 Day, however many days it is rule! I think it exists for a few reasons.

1. It acts a deterrent for the overzealous singles. Don't come on too strong.

2. It makes less-than-fabulous people seem slightly more fabulous because they're "busy" for a few days and haven't just been waiting around for someone to occupy their time.

3. It gives drunk-singles time to clear their heads and determine if they actually want to answer the phone anyway.

4. It encourages non-relationship-behaviors for the remainder of the weekend. Who needs to go out man-seeking on Saturday night if you're already expecting a call Monday morning?

5. It really REALLY helps, if all of these things are simply true, and you're only "waiting" a couple of days because you are single, fabulous, and simply too busy to drop your plans for a new guy that might not be calling next weekend.

Thomas G Henry said...

"Why should the guy do all the leg work, ladies? I bet you always put "Ken" in the driver's seat of your "Barbie" convertible too."