Monday, October 13, 2008

Reasons Not to Snoop

1. They talk.
Yes. He still talks to his EX and says he doesn't. But their conversation is so benign that you would just look crazy for bringing it up, so now you just have to live with the fact you know and can't say anything.

2. He's in debt.
Sure, he pays his credit card bills online but now you know his balances and that he's racking up all those late fees rather than saving for the ring.

3. The ring.
Actually, he's purchased one! And the emailed receipt is his proof that you're the one, and that you've ruined your surprise.

4. He's "that guy."
He emails his buddies about cars, girls and video games. All that time you told yourself he wasn't "like other guys" has been wasted, welcome to reality!

5. You're crazy.
Yes. This is the worst realization that can stem from checking in with him when you should just be checking out of your relationship.


Sten said...

I know a girl that would go through her boyfriend's phone constantly. This is an invasion of privacy. I would lose my poo if a guy went through my phone.

She also snooped through his apartment and found an engagement ring under his bed that had been intended for an old girlfriend (they broke the engagement, he kept the ring). My friend was furious that he had never told her about it ... but I've always wondered how she asked him.
"Hey honey, what's up with the wedding ring under your bed? I was doing sit ups and saw something shiny inside a box with my x-ray vision ..."

Anonymous said...

don't you think snooping is the first clue that your relationship is sh*t? If you can't trust the one you are with, why are you with them? Trust should be something that grows and grows. If it's broken, so is a happy future together.

Chrissie said...

Good Point Sten! How did she explain that anyway???

And Anon, I agree to an extent, feeling the need to snoop isn't evidence of the healthiest relationship.

But I also think it can sometimes just be evidence of an unhealthy behavior, one that the responsible person should remedy before they ruin their relationship due to their own insecurities.

Jared said...

I disagree with the comments about snooping being the sign of a bad relationship...Snoopers are snoopers, they are going to be suspicious whether they have a reason to be or not. It's usually a sign of something that happened in a past relationship more so than in the current one.

Sten said...

I think relationships should come with a baggage check. It's not fair to punish your current flame because you were burnt by the last.

(Oh yeah - that was two bad puns in one comment)

Anonymous said...

Even if its evidence of one partner's unhealthy behavior, that does not change the fact that the relationship is doomed. It takes two healthy partners to = a healthy relationship. I think you agree with me on that. Sure, the person can change. But in their current snooping state, they are brining such negativity and trust issue to the table, how could it possibly be a good union?

Sten said...

Yes, Anon, snooping, like infidelity is just a symptom of a bigger problem.

I wish all you "Anons" would pick a secret little nickname to post with. I could assign you one, if you like.

To answer Chrissie's earlier posted question: I don't think the girl ever fessed to looking under his bed. She might have just asked him if he'd ever been engaged before and he told her about it.

Михаил said...

The snooping issue is exactly why I ended my last relationship. I was up front and honest with the girl I had been dating for over a year and disclosed everything I could possibly disclose. Apparently that wasn't enough for her though. While away for corporate training, she decided to snoop in my e-mail account and upon my return home, she cried her eyes out and apologized for the breach of trust. I would have been fine if that was the end of it, but just 3 weeks later, she woke up in the middle of the night and decided to snoop through my text message in box on my cell as well as my voice mail. Again, she came up empty as I was completely faithful to her and didn't even entertain the thought of seeing anyone else on the side. She broke down two days later and again brought herself to tears while apologizing for her actions. Unfortunately, that did it for me. I had no more trust in her and felt that her snooping in my personal affairs when she had no reason to other than being "burned" by her ex was a sign of bad things to come. I broke up with her a week later as I obviously wasn't dating the girl I thought I was. While the snooping may not be a sign of a bad relationship all around, it will certainly break up what could have otherwise been a good one.

Luckily, six months later, I found the girl that I've decided to marry and will be tying the knot a year from now. My fiancee and I have complete trust in each other and I think that is a beautiful thing.

Sten said...

It must have been heartbreaking to hear that your girlfriend didn't trust you – even though you gave her no reason.

I think her breaking down and admitting what she had done shows she knew it was wrong. Hopefully losing you has taught her to change her ways.

In any case, congratts on your engagement! May you have a lifetime full of snoopless love.

Yuki said...

*is not an Anon, apparently*

I've never really tried snooping, because he doesn't hide anything from me. I don't hide anything from him either (unless I've gotten/made him a present, and that doesn't count) but still, I have the urge to check through his stuff.

And sometimes I do.

Sometimes I'll be bored and look through his texts...with him right beside me. It's never anything interesting, but IMO, it gives me some insight to his life. I've never done the e-mail thing, though.

So do I mark myself down as a snooper or a case of terminal curiosity?

Sten said...

If he is voluntarily showing you his inbox to share a funny message or something, that isn't snooping.

If you were to take his phone out of his jeans pocket while he's taking a shower ... that's where you'd have a problem.

Rachael said...

Who does things like that?!

I'm friends with on ex, if he wanted to hang with one of his, whatever.

Nothing in my inboxes or texts is all that good, save the occasional dirty joke.