Thursday, October 2, 2008
Trials of dating part 2: Bad dates
I am always calm on bad dates. I can be appropriately charming and relaxed ... because I am completely uninterested.
And man, I've had some doosies.
For example — A guy once had me waiting at a restaurant for 35 minutes. THIRTY-FIVE MINUTES! AND no phone call. I decided he stood me up and grabbed my coat when he walked in the door with a stupid smile and lousy excuse. After dinner we rented a movie, which he slept through ... snoring loudly. I gently woke him to say I was leaving (I think it's rude to sneak out unless you've just had sex).
He pulled me down for a kiss .... a kiss I could not have wanted less.
I extracted myself, said "sweet dreams" in a voice dripping with sarcasm and asked only that he return the movie the next day. (It was on my rental card).
He didn't, I got a late fee, and he got a nasty phone call.
And even "better:"
I once met up with a guy for a drink. I liked him, he liked me, so I gave him a ride home. He took me on a tour of the apartment, ending of course with the bedroom... which was by far the most fascinating.
Because the BED WAS BREATHING.
There was actually a woman waiting for him in his bed. He looked mortified ... stumbling over an explanation I could barely hear over my own laughter. I walked out and lost his number.