Thursday, October 2, 2008

Trials of dating part 2: Bad dates

I am always calm on bad dates. I can be appropriately charming and relaxed ... because I am completely uninterested.

And man, I've had some doosies.

For example — A guy once had me waiting at a restaurant for 35 minutes. THIRTY-FIVE MINUTES! AND no phone call. I decided he stood me up and grabbed my coat when he walked in the door with a stupid smile and lousy excuse. After dinner we rented a movie, which he slept through ... snoring loudly. I gently woke him to say I was leaving (I think it's rude to sneak out unless you've just had sex).
He pulled me down for a kiss .... a kiss I could not have wanted less.
I extracted myself, said "sweet dreams" in a voice dripping with sarcasm and asked only that he return the movie the next day. (It was on my rental card).

He didn't, I got a late fee, and he got a nasty phone call.

And even "better:"
I once met up with a guy for a drink. I liked him, he liked me, so I gave him a ride home. He took me on a tour of the apartment, ending of course with the bedroom... which was by far the most fascinating.


There was actually a woman waiting for him in his bed. He looked mortified ... stumbling over an explanation I could barely hear over my own laughter. I walked out and lost his number.


jake said...

I'm surprised you haven't gotten some stories here. My worst? A friend set me up on a date with a girl who picked her acne during the date -- until she started bleeding. It was truly horrifying.

Chrissie said...

ewwwww jake! that's terrible!!!

i kissed a man with the coldest, slimiest lips known to man once, and they quivered... nerves maybe, "first date jitters" perhaps. gross? definitely.

and then there was the blind date with the giant who brought two condoms. 2! and I was 16!!!

Sten said...

I'm sure that picking at acne was a nervous habit, you could be a very intimidating man.
Although twirling her hair would have been somewhat more endearing.

I hate it when you kiss a guy and he's a saliva fountain ...

Jared said...

I'm happy being in a relationship or being single, but dating is just so demeaning for both parties. Someday in the near future we will invent a better way and dating will be seen as a barbaric custom like public executions.

Sten said...

I really agree with you, Jared. Dating is like drilling for oil: Dirty, expensive, and can take a lot of false tries before you strike it rich.
Then the well runs dry and you have to go at it again.

An alternative to dating seems as far away as widespread alternative fuels ... but we can all hope.

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