Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Great Expectations

My first relationship began when I was 16 years old and lasted for three years.

There was nothing inherently wrong with “us,” or our interactions. He treated me well, I cared for him deeply, and we spent a lot of time together.

But after a few years, when the “spark” was gone, I began to feel as if something very important was missing.

I figured, if he was THE ONE than that spark was supposed to last forever.

And again, my second relationship began with fireworks and passion. I was convinced that “this” was it because of what I felt… in the beginning.

But as years passed, the passion dwindled and again we found ourselves playing house but lacking a real “home.” We were going through the motions of a relationship without the spark I’d always fantasized about. Happily ever after had turned into “somewhat happy, most of the time.”

And so, round two ended with a test at “casual dating,” lots of almost-boyfriends who never amounted to much, but who eventually taught me more than the real relationships had.

Because lust without love is a lot more discouraging than love without lust.

The realization didn’t make me want my exes back, but it made me want to try harder the next time. To not only keep the spark as long as possible, but to appreciate what lies in its wake.

Comfort, security, and real never-waning love.


Anonymous said...


Sten said...

I think that we all learn from past relationships ... how to be more open, make time for ourselves, be a better cook, be a better lover ... and each new match is a fresh start.

We start to know what we want and DON'T want ... which helps when the right cabana boy comes along to clean the pool.