Tuesday, November 18, 2008

It's all in the wing men

If you're out on the prowl, choose your companions wisely. Even Chuckles, who's legendary mack is off its legendary hook, has to agree.

Who you are out with can impact your behavior. Some one who is very outgoing may make you take a step back (if you're an insecure wuss), or it could make you step up and keep up (if you have a competitive streak). Friends who are obnoxious or sleezy might make you seem less attractive just by association. (I know. "Life is so unfair," and "why are we judged by our friends." Get a tissue and get over it.)

MacGyver unfortunately has learned the hard way that certain friends can be mack blockers. He was recently galavanting around town with some one who's creepiness exceeded Mac's own magnetism, making it difficult to be a hit with the ladies. When out with a wing man, you kinda become a package deal. If one is intolerable, the chick might not stick around for the sake of the other. Too many cute butts in tight pants and too little time.

Beyond the wing man, there are perils with being out with a group. According to MacGyver, the ideal scenario for a guy is to be out with two female friends. Can't just be one ... then you look like a couple. With two, he'll look like a hottie who's sensitive and approachable. awwww.

This doesn't work so well for chicks. If a babe is out with a bunch of guy friends, one would think she's screwing at least one of them, and even if they don't, it's too intimidating to break her away from that army of testosterone. Not with 300 Spartans would they attempt it.
Most of my closest friends are guys. When I am out with them I NEVER get hit on. Chuckles said it's because I'm butt ugly ... however, everyone knows how grateful Quasimodos are, so I don't see why that would be a deterrent.

Anyway, here are some booty hunting companions to stay away from:

- Pedophiles
- Close talkers
- Nose pickers
- Poor hygiene practicers
- People who start EVERY sentence with "I"
- Booty pinchers/smackers
- Some one who's dated EVERY guy/girl in a 30 mile radius of where you live
- Girls that end every sentence as if it's a question (personal pet peeve)
- 10 people of the opposite sex
- Only 1 person of the opposite sex
- Talking mimes (another personal pet peeve)

Let me know if I've missed any...


The Retropolitan said...

Do ex-girlfriends make good wingmen or bad wingmen?

Mimegyver said...

The only reason you mistrust talking mimes is because you've never seen me in action.

Come out with me and I'll show you the invisible box of your dreams, baby.

Sten said...

The Ret: I think even if you and an ex are on good terms it might weird out the ones you're hitting on. Although I'd make a fantastic wing man... so there might be exceptions.

Mimegyver: The invisible box of my dreams is full of good scotch, a Republican sex slave and spoof G.I. Joe PSAs. Send me a sample and we'll talk.

Thomas G Henry said...

I heard JTs got a new box this xmas... same content... just now it's invisible.

like TRL.... ::sniff::

Thomas G Henry said...

i forget to check the box for followup comments to be emailed to me.. so... yeah.....

Thomas G Henry said...

but to further the conversation... i think parents make excellent wingfolk. ...wingkin? ;)

and my captcha verification word is:

Sten said...

Parents might make good wing people in Pennsyltucky... don't know if I'd try it round here with mine.

Wouldn't mind seeing them trashed for a kick though ...

Dj Lady said...

i think you missed our friends to the north.

Thomas G Henry said...

Canadian Geese: perfect wingers!

a swinger and some geese walking into a bar.... and .... help me out here?

Word Verification:

chuckles said...

The ultimate wingman:

A puppy or a kitten.

Come on? What woman can resist coming up for a closer look? There exists no shinier object, except a baby, but then you have to make it clear it isn't yours, and you didn't steal it.

ok TGH, my word is morms

Sten said...

I'd rather get hit on by a guy holding a bear.

Thomas G Henry said...

what about a guy RIDING a bear? a DOMESTICATED bear.... huh?

i never even considered the dating ramifications of the pleaseireallyjustwannadomesticatebears movement.

i think a guy riding a domesticated bear (a "seeing-eye bear", so they let him in the bar with it... on it) with some Canadian Geese.. or better yet... one sturdy.. loyal.. hawk... as his wingfowl... would totally get the ladies...

and that goes for chicks as well... if a gal looked down at me from up on her bear in a bar and was like "hey.. wanna dance?" i'd be like... "hey... nice bear... do he bite? RAWR....."

and we'd laugh.

her hawk would totally perch on my buddy's shoulder and pretend to hit it off...

take a lesson ladies. bears n hawks ain't just for dudes anymore. GOBAMA!

Wraith said...

bad wingmen:

anyone with hygiene issues

unconvincing compulsive liars

the socially awkward

anyone that has recently read Neil Strauss' The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists

really enthusiastic cosplayers

Wraith said...


(insensitive as it may sound) anyone with a physical deformity

Chrissie said...

i definitely agree that a puppy or kitten is the ultimate in wing-companionship. a mediocre guy with a super-cute dog is going to get hit on a lot more than if he was with his mediocre human buddy.

a few other things to avoid in wing-people

those with:

1. halitosis
2. alcoholism
3. HUGE CLEAVAGE- makes guys thing you're tramp-y or if you're a guy with a girl with HUGE CLEAVAGE you look like you're just looking for " a good time.

as for the rest of you... bears? really???

Mohawk said...

puppies dont work as well as you think because while you may be looking for someone, theyre looking at your puppy. you cant really tell if theyre interested in you at all, but if you dont use the crutch then its much easier to get a feel for the situation. i think anyone can be a good wingman, his/her effectiveness doesnt lie on them but you.

how you interact with someone and the social dynamic therein is really the reason why people have wingmen. wingmen are merely there for distraction while you meld topics and segwey to other things. if theyre offensive you can seperate yourself from them in the conversation, look good and theyd still be fulfilling their intended purppose.

wingmen arent used to attract people to come to you, theyre labeled in a way where its reminiscent of a fighter pilot going to its target.

i would say the only kind of wingman that doesnt work is when you sit in one spot and they become more like a bodyguard. other than that its all good.

Thomas G Henry said...

idk folks... puppies just imply "get in the van" to me...

if you're already a creep... a puppy won't uncreep you. it'll make it worse. if you're not a creep. you don't need a puppy.

but... if you are a creep... hit the art scene and have eccentricity as your wingman...

it'll be a better fit than a van full of candy

im just speaking experience here.

even though i lit the van on fire and drove it off a dock... im still paying off all that candy...

Verification Word:

Sten said...

#1 I'm definitely amused by TGH's verification word

#2 Yeah, I'm serious about the bears

#3 Wraith - good call on the liars. I hate lies, unless it's for joking purposes.

Anonymous said...

Jame Gumb

Wraith said...