Monday, November 10, 2008


The art of "negging" has been brought to the attention of thousands of socially inept males around the world, through the oh-so-insulting show The Pick Up Artist.

According to the Urban Dictionary,

Negging: It's a way to pick up girls. How it works is you use remarks to tap into female insecurity; Shake their confidence.
Example of Negging a girl would be:
"You are nearly as tall as me. I like tall girls (LIFT). Are those heels 4 or 5 inches (DROP)?"

Yet as I watched The Pick Up Artist's latest minions attempt to hit on bikini models last night, I realized that instructing a clueless, socially inept, nervous, anxiety ridden young male to "neg" a woman is like giving a crazy man a pistol and asking him to "just scare people with it."

Chances are, the crazy guy is going to actually shoot someone just as the pick up artist protege is going to seriously insult an unknowing female.

So while the men were told to flirtatiously neg the females in attendance, instead they entered the club armed with insults, awkward smiles, and what I refer to as "bar stalking" (starring, loosely following, and just being creepy overall).

One guy actually said, "Wow! That's the ORANGE-EST TAN I'VE EVER SEEN!"

Another opened with the flirtatious line, "So, are you the one who tripped in the fashion show?" Except, that line would be cute and fun if she WASN'T ACTUALLY THE ONE WHO TRIPPED.

I wonder where these guys came from, their clueless nature is sometimes painful to watch, and their game is so obvious, only the drunkest of girls would fall for their advances.

Is it really necessary to "tap into a woman's insecurities" to get her number?

And better yet, should a man who goes by the name of "Mystery" really be allowed to instruct already creepy men to be even creepier?

Because he's armed them with costumes, emotional games and a man-made "urban" dictionary full only of masculine myths.


Chrissie said...

This isn't the first time our friend Mystery has been featured on our blog, check out previous posts here and here.

Sten said...

I think negging is brilliant. People need to be taken down a peg, and boy do I love to be the one to do it.

Imagine someone repeating positive things to themselves in a mirror for an hour before going out ... then with just one little statement, I can strip away all that they've built up ... and they STILL come back for more.


Chrissie said...

i think mystery is trying to make a "how-to" method for something that should come naturally to a person. forced "negs" just come across awkward and mean.

a naturally flirtatious person would do this sort of thing without even realizing it... but when the socially inept enter public places armed with "insults" as their game, it just ends up being uncomfortable for everyone.

while i understand the point of "negs", i think the execution has to be perfect for this sort of thing to work...

aka the Ralph Man said...

Okay, so here's my feelings on this crap... This whole how to pick up women shit really pisses me off! Actually anything that's based on "How To" psychology really pisses me off. I feel like it all stems from this... whatever it was 300 or so years ago this dude Machavelli wrote the book "The Prince" basically how to go from peasant to prince by manipulating people. Here's my feelings on that --> Good for Machavelli... people like this come along once in a while in history that master this type of art that's fine and I believe Machavelli did most of this in a positive "everyone benifits" manor --> Bad Machavelli... Writing a book to show other ignorant people how to do this. Now we are in the age of Millions of people reading books on how to get people to do what you want. How to pick up chicks by being fake. The sad thing is this crap works and it has become the somewhat altered norm in society. I have seen kids go from being total dorks in high school (but real) to these fake macks that really seem like the man... except they all seem to be very similar in their tactics and conversations (similar to Survivor or Reality Competition shows), which unsurprisingly is 100% different than they were in high school. Now here I am completly real and I get singled out for it in meeting women, rolling with retarded office politics, and even making friends or dealing social circles (which I don't give a damn about). An the biggest problem is it is only growing in society and even trickling to younger kids through learned behavior. It's total Bull Shit and one of the reasons I like dealing w/ foreigners, hippie types, artists, etc... cause for some reason they don't seem to buy into this crap.

Please don't comment on my Spelling or Grammar cause I don't care!

Sten said...

Come on Ralph man - our society is built on learned behavior. Why do you pee in a bathroom, use utensils, hold a door open or even say "Thank you?" Because you were taught that these are the acceptable ways to act, and people will think you rude or crude for not doing them.

Why is passing along a few tried but true babe-catching techniques any different?

Chrissie is right, it IS in the DELIVERY!! But really, the men this stuff is intended for aren't landing the ladies anyway, where is the harm in giving them a little false confidence?

Sten said...

Oh – and we never comment on grammar or spelling, unless we meet you at a bar and need something to "neg" you with.

Chrissie said...

ralphie, i see what you're saying though! it's hard for honest, nice guys to get ahead in the "scene" if a bunch of lying guys are playing games, literally, to get ahead and succeeding.

and i think it makes sense that it worked for one guy, but for him to build an empire based on lies and manipulation is NOT good news for some guys or gals.

but i guess it's important to consider how much "worse" his game plan/book deal/tv show is for the fate of singles everywhere than the fact women read magazines like cosmo that are full of "hints" at "getting the guy" and "pleasing their men."

it's a shame that people need "ploys" to win a date... but maybe it's always been that way.

it's not just men who are guilty of "changing" aspects of themselves to get a girl...

women hide behind make up, fake boobs, dyed hair, fake nails, etc. so how different is that?

Yuki said...

I honestly don't know why that would be flattering at all. Maybe it's because I'm securely secure(yes, marvel at my redundancy), or maybe it's because I'm not much of a flirt, but anyone who tells me "I like tall girls" (which makes me think that they're just looking for a set of boobs at eye-level) and then goes to "So how high are those heels" is going to get a very polite "Please go away."

I remember having a random male come up at a rave (don't ask) and yell, over the music, at my friend and I, "I AM Mc'LOVIN'". He then proceeded to ask it I wanted to dance (my boyfriend several feet away and unable to hear over the music). My friend told me later that I looked like I was about to tear his face off...and I suppose I was, considering how fast he moved off after I told him "No, thank you."

Those poor students are going to meet a woman like me some day and get their heads bitten off.

Sten said...

Awww ... McLovin was the well-meaning nerd in 'Super Bad'. He just wanted to use his fake Hawaiian ID to buy you alcohol ...
Poor guy.

Anyway.. negs are supposed to entice you into a conversation ... they certainly aren't flattering, I agree. But there IS something sexier about discord than benign flattery.

Macgyver said...

Forgetting what I've thought in the past, these days I tend to think negging is ridiculous at worst, but ultimately not such a big deal. This stuff doesn't come from any kind of malice, but rather, insecurity and a desire for validation. Why is this so awful? Dating isn't easy for ANYONE.

A lot of people who get all upset about it tend to forget that "nice guy" behavior is manipulative too. A pua might put on a flamboyant persona and use learned lines and routines to attract women, but I don't see how this is any different than asking women out as "just friends", or trying to work your way into her heart by being her best buddy, all while concealing your romantic and sexual interest in her. Neither one is honest, and the nice guy loses out because his behavior tells the woman that he isn't comfortable with his sexuality or his emotions. Women aren't idiots, they pick up on these things. Can you really blame them for not being attracted to guys like this?

If you're complaining about not getting any girls because of all these guys learning lines maybe you should reevaluate your approach to women. If women aren't appreciating the real you then you probably aren't doing a good enough job of making them see it. Social dynamics don't run on magic, there are rules that govern interactions. Some know these rules intuitively, some learn them from books or tv or experience. The one thing that remains true is that the person who is willing to really take risks to "be himself" and be honest (ESPECIALLY sexually and romantically) with women will always come out ahead.

Jared said...

I've been aware of the whole "PUA" thing a lot longer than it has been in the spotlight in recent years, and I always thought that if women ever heard how these guys talked about them as sexual commodities being studied for weaknesses they would be even more disgusted than I was. Now that it is a part of pop culture, I'm kind of shocked at how women are more intrigued than repulsed by these schemes. You do realize they are basically teaching guys to be textbook sociopaths, right? You do realize that they are trying to sell you a sexual encounter the same way that a used car salesman tries to sell a 1981 Datsun, right?

Jared said...

McGuyver, I agree with you that all guys (and girls) engage in some manipulative behavior. But the difference is, when normal people do it they are trying to manipulate someone into liking them. When PUAs do it, they are trying to get inside a girls head and mind-**** them into doing whatever they want. There can't be any mutual respect involved post-pickup because the entire process was based on exploitation of her weaknesses.

Chrissie said...


real nice guys wouldn’t try to be a gals best buddy and conceal their romantic or sexual interest, nice guys would pursue women in an honest way, like asking for a date that isn’t masked in friendship or openly telling them they think she’s beautiful.

that being said, there aren’t many nice guys with confidence enough to pull this sort of thing off, so they end up being “not so nice” in the long run.

but! I agree with the last part of what you said entirely… it takes guts to be honest with who you are, because it’s especially tough when someone truly isn’t interested in you without all the games.

and jared, yes I realize they’re being creepy! which is what this post is about;)

Sten said...

I'm a sucker for tall, lean, dark hair and dark eyes ... is that exploiting a weakness if a guy smiles at me fitting that description?

If a shy but "good guy" employs some of these techniques to get a girl he is genuinely interested in, that's fine. Anyone who is out simply to take advantage of a girl is going to be a jerk regardless if he's had any PUA training.

And really ... women can be predators too. We also like to get laid. Not to mention, women probably use sex to manipulate a lot more than men do. Isn't that wrong as well?

Mohawk said...

Unfortunately the stuff Mystery does, as lame as it is, actually works. Hell ive even found that 'peacocking' works to open the door etc. Negging i would have to say is really one of the many ways one can flirt, and having the socially inept attempt it not only gives them practice but makes for excellent tv!

i also disagree with macguyver, dating is absolutely simple. people make it harder than it needs to be.

we manipulate on a daily basis, only our motives behind that manipulation can make it good or bad. it comes down to treating people as means to an end, or as an end.

Macgyver said...

Mohawk - I never said dating wasn't simple, I said it wasn't EASY.

And I agree with pretty much all of the above. The field of "pick up artistry" is vast and pretty hard to some up in just a couple sentences, some people who take to it really are sociopaths and extreme narcissists (MYSTERY!), but lot of others are in it for more self confidence and social satisfaction. I read up on it for a couple years but never could bring myself to act on anything that Mystery or those like him taught... it never felt right trying to be someone else to pick up girls that I wanted to have real relationships with.

I also thing it's absurd to resort to things like hypnosis to trick girls into sleeping with you, as if women don't want to have sex in the first place (even Sten does!).

I'm curious about the future of dating after the PUA boom, but outside of Poughkeepsie I don't see a sudden lack of single women in the world. The more player clones there are, the better it is for me.