Monday, November 24, 2008

Rules of Distraction

There are certain moments in a relationship, where you feel so comfortable with your significant other that you think you're allowed to tell them EVERYTHING.

And while I'll never advocate out and out lying to your loved one, there are some things you should keep to yourself and instead distract your partner with more virtuous topics: like puppies and kittens.

So if HE/SHE asks _________________, then answer with this _________________.

QUESTION: How many sexual partners have you had?
ANSWER: "Only one that matters!" Followed by kissing, lots and lots of kissing.

QUESTION: Do you think kissing is cheating?
ANSWER: "Of course!" Never, ever, ever say "What kind of kissing are you talking about?"

QUESTION: How do you know that guy?
ANSWER: "We had class together a few years ago." Never, ever say, "I hooked up with him once."

QUESTION: Have you ever had a one night stand?
ANSWER: "Ewww! Gross! Why would you ask me that!?! Have YOU?" He'll be too wrapped up in creating an appropriate answer that he'll forget you DIDN'T have one of your own.

Your turn.

What questions have you avoided by using the rules of distraction?


aka the Ralph Man said...

I need to learn the Dude Answers to the Female Questions... They're more complicated like you either have to lie or it's the wrong answer or there is no right answer...

Oh an what if it's the type of girl that will use sex as a deal breaker??? That sucks!!!

Chrissie said...

What sort of female questions? I think you could use my examples either way... but I can see how woman are sometimes less easily distracted.

But as it pertains to the "using sex as a deal breaker" thing, what exactly do you mean?

Sten said...

Sex IS a deal breaker. If you aren't compatible, the relationship probably won't work out.

I like to ask guys how they feel about clown noses. If he gets REALLY excited, I go to bed with him immediately ... no other questions asked.

thecodemachine said...

QUESTION: Have you ever had a one night stand?

Answer: Yes. You! Now, will you go home already. I don't want to see you again.


Question: When was the last time you have been tested?

Answer: The documentation is on my refrigerator door. (Actually the date of my next doctors appt was on same sheet of paper and I forgot to take it down.)


Question: Do you love me?
Answer: Yes, of course I love me!

aka the Ralph Man said...

Let's say she want's to go say Pumpkin Picking. You don't wanna go. However, if you say no she'll say... All you wanna do is drink an have sex. An if she's wack she might deny sex cause of that... What do you do Go, Make up an excuse, or find a new woman?

Sten said...

If you are with some one that uses sex as a weapon you should keep looking. People like that are either masochists or sadists ... and both are unhealthy. However, you being unwilling to go pumpkin picking says to me you need to get in touch with your inner child.
Go climb a tree and drop a water balloon on an unsuspecting adult. Life will have new meaning.

Mohawk said...

im a firm believer of never asking a question that you cant handle the answer to. with that said i will never fluff the truth as its a bullshit cop out to being fearful of losing someone. youre supposed to grow with that person and learn from them and yourself. if they have a hard time with your answer youre helping them in one way or another. compensating for another's insecurity early on can and will bite you in the ass 10 years down the line.