Wednesday, December 31, 2008

A happy new year

I have a confession to make.

I said it first.

Exactly one year ago today, I uttered those three little words...

"I love you."

On the brink of the new year, my new man was leaving for a week. And with all my pouting, you would think he was going off to war rather than off to Florida with his family.

I could barely eat my dinner as I felt the words welling up in my throat. I understood that saying it could change everything. I realized that if he didn't feel the same way, I could be left embarrassed and ringing in the new year differently than anticipated.

But I also realized that more importantly than hearing those three little words, I wanted to say them.

I wanted him to know, regardless of his feelings for me.


"I love you." I said.

Immediately hiding my face in the crook of his neck, I was at once relived that I'd had the courage and afraid of his response.

But unlike past experiences, when he reciprocated the change in us was profound and wanted.

Because while those three little words can alter your relationship forever...

Sometimes they are the big change you've always been waiting for.


Chrissie said...

What are you experiences with saying I LOVE YOU, do you usually wait or take the plunge and say it first?

Sten said...

You know ... I've never said it first. I definitely felt it for my first love, and would have said it first... but he just beat me to it.

The second I loved, but wasn't IN LOVE with, so even though I said it back, it was never the same as my first.

My third love, who I was madly in love with ... even more than scotch ... never told me he loved me, and I never told him ... the time was never right and he relationship was never secure. And I'm a coward.

So Chrissie, I think you're awesome. People shouldn't be afraid to say how they feel, and it really is an honor to be held in such high esteem by someone you care about.

Colin said...

I've personally said it to 5 girls that I've dated (and I've dated a LOT of women, not bragging, just putting it into perspective).

The first one was my highschool sweet-heart whom I dated for 3 years. Was it true love? Of course not, but at the time it seemed like it, so I jumped in and said it.

The second and third women I truly did love and would have married in a heartbeat if they'd have had me. Unfortunately, for me it was the reverse of Sten's second and while I truly, deeply yearned for them (at separate times, obviously) it just wasn't in the cards. The fourth was someone that had me fooled. The girl I fell in love with wasn't the girl she was. I eventually fell out of love with her; which is good, because she turned out to be bat-shiat crazy!

Finally, after those four near misses, I finally found someone who reciprocated that love and who, despite two years of spending nearly ever single day and night together, I am in love with every bit as much as the day I realized I was.

That said, with the exception of the crazy girl, I was always the first to say it, but I always felt (or thought I felt) that I was in love with that person at the time.

Colin said...

in addendum, sorry for the crappy writing, but it's 11PM and I've been at work since 7AM.

Anonymous said...

he said i love you and i said ditto, which is the first clue that i had no right to be saying i love you to boys. i was in 9th grade!

the next guy to say it to me was lying.

the next guy to say it said it way too premature, and i didn't feel the same, but i said it back anyway. i wish i had said ditto.

today, i say it everyday, first and last and everywhere in between, and i mean it with all my heart.