Monday, December 8, 2008
The ostracized 'taken'
Why do friends lose touch? Why does it seem to happen so drastically when one becomes married or engaged? Do taken people just smell worse than single ones?
I received an e-mail from a dear friend I haven't spoken to for a while that left me feeling somewhat puzzled. Part of it read "Don't forget about me just because I am engaged, that doesn't change friendship."
Wow, that stopped me. I haven't at all forgotten about him. Over time, we've just lost touch ... and now I wonder why. It certainly isn't because he's engaged. When I heard, I was so happy for him, and in meeting his intended, I found her to be fantastic.
I had a similar conversation a week ago when I met an old friend for drinks the night before Thanksgiving. I have barely talked to her since she got married.
Now, both these friends live in NYC, but that never kept us for catching up from time to time before.
Maybe singles and marries are like cotton candy and ranch dressing. You just can't mix them. Maybe both sides feel an element of jealously, and it is emotionally easier to lose touch than be confronted by it.
But what if your friend is coupled with a mate that you could see as a great new addition to your circle, like I do with both these friends? Shouldn't that motivate me to make the effort?
Am I lazy? Do I hate married people?
Isn't the whole point of that gold band they wear to ward off single-folk? I think you actually have to keep three feet away from them. Just one touch will shrivel up a single woman's boobs, or a single man's pee pee. I've seen it happen. It's terrible.
Then again, maybe my friends just had less and less time for old pals as they settled into their domestic bliss ... and as time went by, were in a sense replaced by new faces in my own life.
That sounds cruel ... "replaced" ... as if they aren't special and important to me. But sometimes thoughts are cheap, and I certainly haven't put myself out there to maintain contact. Maybe it's time to change that.