Monday, December 15, 2008

Uncomfortable


We all know the idea of "comfort food."

Warm, cheesy, fattening meals that make the winter days seem to melt away and can get us through the tough spots in life.

But what happens when being comfortable in a relationship means confronting an unexpected weight gain???

I've always had two weights, the single me weight and the in a happy relationship me weight.

Obviously, single me is skinnier. She lives off of Ramen Noodles, quick appetizers instead of full meals, and if there's cake, a bite or two will do.

In a relationship me eats 3 meals a day. She cooks for two and portions out plates equally, in spite of the fact her man is twice her size. She wants to celebrate her "love" with frequent desserts, champagne at brunch, and lots of dinners out.

But in spite of the fact that weight gain seems "common" for most people once they find someone, it doesn't always mean it's welcomed.

Much like the "after wedding haircut" I wonder how men feel when they fall in love with one body, and it slowly morphs into something new. Something bigger. Something different.

5, 10, even 20 lbs on my man would go unnoticed for me. I'd look into his eyes and realize he's the same man I fell in love with, and I may even use his gain as an excuse to have seconds with my own meal.

But if men are considered to be more visual people, are they more easily put off by a physical change in their partners?

And if so, is there a right way to tell your significant other their love of comfort food is making you uncomfortable?

5 comments:

Colin said...

The question shouldn't be whether or not you gain weight. EVERYBODY gains weight as they get older, it's just a fact of life and a process that the body goes through. We aren't as spry as we were when we were younger and our jobs often chain us to a desk or the indoors at the very least. Weight gain is inevitable, and ultimately, it's okay! After all, if your partner is a health nut and you aren't but you're trying to go to the gym and eat right just to "connect" with them on that level but secretly hate it, then you're just lying to yourself and to them.

Where I would get worried, and there have been media accounts of this happening, is when newlywed wives and husbands gain 50-75lbs [b]in one month![/b] That, to me, says that they don't care about their health, don't care about their image, and probably have self-esteem issues along with possible health issues. Furthermore, they aren't the people their spouses married. Chances are, they hid these issues from their boyfriends/girlfriends/fiance(e)s to trap them into the institution of marriage before dropping the bomb on them.

So, in short, no, weight gain in a relationship isn't bad per-se, so long as it is who you are and you aren't hiding it from someone knowing you'll just drop the bomb on them in the future and double your size in less than a year.

I've gained weight all throughout my relationship with my fiancee and am open and honest about the fact that I don't like going to the gym. 2 years ago, I was 150lbs, I was up to 175 earlier this year and am back down to 163 with an attempt to just eat right and not drink sodas. I'm comfortable where I am, and my fiancee likes me just the way I am. She's put on weight as well, but you know what? I couldn't really tell you how much or where because I don't see her like that. I see her as the beautiful and wonderful woman I am going to marry in 10 months time.

Sten said...

Colin - it's so great that you feel that way, hopefully there are many other men who share your point of view.

I have an opposite condition from Chrissie. I tend to gain weight when not seeing anyone. I just don't care how I look, and eat (and drink) more when unhappy or bored.

When first dating, I'm giddy and nervous which kills my appetite. I work out more and take better care of myself because #1 I want to look good naked, and #2 having someone in my life gives another reason to stay healthy.

Chrissie said...

Colin, I think you had the PERFECT response!

And Sten, I'm with you on the initial lack of appetite, trying to look my BEST every day when it comes to meeting someone new.

But it seems with me, once the "newness" wears off, I'm left with a huge appetite after those months of unintentionally NOT EATING due to infatuation;)

Anonymous said...

i was morbidly obese {a term i love) and after i lost 22 lbs on deal a meal, Richard Simmons drove by my house and honked his horn.

Sten said...

That would be a good reason to stay tubberific. That man scares me.