Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Warning labels


Chrissie's last post really took me down a pothole-ridden memory lane.

I was warned about a guy once.

We had gone out a couple times and when I mentioned it to a friend of mine, she looked down at the table, then up at me and said, "He's a jerk."

"Really? ... He's been nothing but sweet ...," I say, a bit dubious. This one had really pursued me, and honestly, the quickest way to my cold vain heart is through my ego.

Apparently she had gone out with him a couple times the year before and he was something of a panty chaser. (An admirable pursuit if you ask me. Some panties put up a sporting fight.)
Anyway, she was really awesome. They had never been anything serious, so that wasn't an issue. She just told me to be careful.

Bah.

So warning pushed to the back of my mind, I continued seeing him ... because at that point, I really didn't see how any guy could be a bigger jerk than me. I like to put tacks on a guy's driver seat to see him jump and smack his head on the roof. You learn a lot from a guy by seeing how he reacts to a little pain.

One night I was out at a bar and ran into my new beau. We were each there with friends, so there was a sweet hello then back to mingling. He found me later on and asked for a lift home ... bam-chicka-wam-bam.

We go back to his place, and do the whole kissy stuff. He started getting more aggressive, clearly wanting to have sex.
I hadn't slept with him yet, and wasn't really sure I wanted to. I'm no prude, I like to chase after a nice pair of boxers from time to time ... or briefs if I'm feeling frisky, but since "The Warning," I didn't want to jump in bed with the kid right away.

So I tell him that. And what does he say?

Wait for it.

"But I love you."

WHAT? REALLY? ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME?
I ask him "Um, does that actually ever work?"
He says "Uh, sometimes."

I let out an incredulous laughter fueled mostly by disgust. I picked up what clothing had made it's way to his floor, got dressed and walked out.

Later that week I found out the night I went home with this jock strap he had been on a date at that bar with another girl. Sweet.

Although, I kind felt bad for him. He started the night with 2 prospects for getting laid, and in the end, he only got laughed at.

4 comments:

Chrissie said...

Ah Sten!

It's funny but my post about "Don't Date This Guy Dot Com" brought about a LOT of stories from girls who read it, and took me down my own painful memory lane.

Don't date a guy who...

1. Thinks "polyamorous" is a word and a way of life.
2. Carries condoms in his SHIRT pocket. Multiple condoms.
3. Keeps his phone on silent ALL THE TIME. One of his many phones.
4. Has a mustache. (Sorry, but it's true).
5. Says things like "you women..." on a first date... or ANY date.

I'm not sure if it's the holidays or not, but I've been bombarded with SAD SAD SAD love stories lately. Women being left at the altar, men disappearing, flirtatious text messages with the wrong phone number. It seems that a lot of us need to start the New Year off with a different SO.

Anonymous said...

I have witnessed men do so many atrocious things now that I'm the "safe" girl around them, that it makes me really angry at times. It makes me wish I was more brutal during the "dating phase" to even the playing field.

Sten said...

Yeah, but I know a few really good guys that have been put through the ringer by jerky girls. It goes both ways.

There is something a bit more fun about being the offender than the offendee... but still, I cherish my nasty experiences. They make great blog fodder.

Ariel said...

that's my girl!