Monday, January 5, 2009


How do couples avoid the shift from passionate advances to expected affection?

After enduring a handful of long-term relationships, I know there comes a time when kisses are warm and inviting but realistically lack the passion they held in their firsts... when hand holding becomes a means of getting across the street safely rather than a sweaty adolescent advance... and intimacy becomes just another "thing we do."

But while I'm no expert, I think there are a few surefire ways to reignite the passion when it tends to wane...

Absence really DOES make the heart grow fonder, but that doesn't mean you need to plan a "girls only weekend" to the tropics (although that can help). I think simple things like making weekend plans with a friend or keeping those single-hobbies can add a bit of spice. Not only does it give you a moment to miss one another in your FREE TIME but it also gives you something to talk about.

TVs do not belong in the bedroom.

I'm not saying take off your engagement ring and flirt like there is no tomorrow... I mean that our hygiene shouldn't change just because we've found THE ONE. Keep wearing your cologne or perfume, take care of yourself as if you were still looking and you might find your partner never loses that initial passion.

Thank you goes a long way in romantic relationships... it shows that you're not taking one another for granted. So thank you... thank you for taking out the trash, making dinner, folding the laundry and making me that martini.

Daily life is not sexy. 9-5 doldrums and scooping the cat litter are not ideal examples of foreplay. So make time to s l o w d o w n and focus on each other rather than going through the motions emotionless.

Your turn.

Get me through my 9-5 doldrums with your ideas on how to keep things passionate once "the beginning" comes to its inevitable end.


Sten said...

I think that passion in a relationship tends to morph into complacent comfort. I hate that.
It is so important for you and your partner to feel just as desirable to each other as you did for that first kiss.
Tell them you think they're sexy and never just go through the motions in bed.

The Retropolitan said...

I think the key to keeping the spark lit is telling each other really shitty jokes all the time. That has worked for me in the past.

Jared said...

Trying to relive the early stages of a relationship is like trying to experience the excitement of skydiving by flying coach. Without the risk of failure the excitement can never really be there. I think the passion can be greater in the later stages of a relationship, but the fear, danger, risk, adrenaline rush feeling can never come back.

Sten said...

Too true Ret, but when the jokes run out ... that's when the crying and excessive drinking begins...

Chrissie said...

"skydiving by flying coach" <--- I like that:)

and the metaphor can be taken even further when we consider the possibility...

" least when you're flying coach you have a real destination ahead, rather than just going down"

and i don't know if the jokes have to be sh*tty, but humor definitely HELPS.

thecodemachine said...


Digitalis said...


Seriously though, surprises - and not forgetting to do those ear nibble, hair stroking details.

Colin said...

Ice Hockey has done wonders for Erin and I in our relationship. We watch every single Capitals game together, whether it's at the game itself or on the HD-DVR at the house. It gives us the chance to run through a whole gambit of emotions together while being silly and care-free at the same time.

I guess just doing ANYTHING together that you both love will go a long way in keeping the spark alive as it is something that you can share in without worrying about anything.

Spontaneity is also a good way to keep the spark going. That's why new relationships are always so good! You never know what the other person is thinking or going to do, so the excitement is there. Surprise him/her every once in a while. Once a month is fine, it doesn't have to be every day.